Wednesday Humor 08.06.14

walang kamay

NANAY: “Bakit ninyo gagawing muse ng school ang anak ko? Nakakahiya!”
TITSER: “Bakit naman kayo nahihiya? Kita niyo naman ang ganda-ganda ng anak niyo, kahawig ni Anne Curtis! Dapat maging proud kayo!”
NANAY: “Proud ka diyan! Lalaki ang anak ko! Lalaki!”

A man phoned his girlfriend and said, “I was thinking of dinner in my place at seven, babe.”
She replied, “I’ll be there at seven, babe.”
He said, “Please make it at five, the dinner won’t prepare itself.”

Kapag babae ang nagsabing “Magbayo ako ng mani,” marunong magluto iyan.
Pero kapag ang lalake nagsabi niyan, kabastusan na agad. Unfair naman!

The first toilet bowl was invented by Thomas Crapper, but credit for inventing the toilet brush goes to his wife.
Having left a skidmark on her husband’s invention, she looked into the bowl and thought, “What I need is a long-handle brush to remove the stain.”
Mr. Crapper would have beaten her to the idea, but an hour earlier, he saw his own skidmark and thought, “I bet I could blast that off by pissing on it.”

DANIEL: “Pare! Kamusta iyong ka-date mo kagabi?”
JAY: “Eto, halos malapnos ang hot dog ko.”
JAY: “Hindi, no!”
DANIEL: “Eh bakit nalapnos ang hotdog mo?”
JAY: “Nilagyan kasi niya ng hot sauce bago kinain!”

A couple drove down a rural road, not talking to each other. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither was willing to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, “Relatives of yours?” “Yep,” she replied, “in-laws!”

Kapag hinaplos ng babae ang lalake, malambing siya.
Pero kapag lalake ang humaplos sa babae, manyak na agad?! Bakit ganoon?

It was a couple’s 25th anniversary.
As the wife peeled her clothes away, she said, “Your dinner is served.”
“I’m not eating that,” the husband replied. “It looks and smells revolting.” She said, “Just taste it.”
“No,” he replied. “Put those panty back on.”

In a supermart, a man put his screaming baby on a cart. He kept repeating, “Don’t get excited, Albert; don’t scream, Albert; keep calm, Albert.” A woman standing next to him said, “You’re to be commended for trying to soothe your son, Albert.”
The man looked at her and said, “Lady, I’m Albert.”

Eksena sa ministop…
LALAKE: “Ano yang binibili mo?”
BABAE: (sabay nang-asar na tanong) “Modess, gusto mo?”
LALAKE: “Ayoko… di ako kumakain niyan… iyong lalagyan niyan ang kinakain ko.”

Raising one’s leg and releasing a loud fart is a proper response for any man who doesn’t like his wife’s tone of voice.

Sabi ni Eli Soriano…”DATING DAAN”.
Sabi ng I.N.C..”TAMANG DAAN”.
Sabi ni Pres.Noynoy “Tuwid na DAAN”
Si Napoles walang matanDAAN.

**All of the above jokes courtesy of MIKE.





“Life is short. Kaya ngumiti ka hangga’t may ngipin ka pa.”


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