Wednesday Humor 09.03.14

How to prevent people from urinating in public—Czech Republic style

 How to prevent people from urinating in public—Czech Republic style.

Paano manligaw?
Madali lang yan. Isama mo sya sa lugar na hindi nya alam. Tapos iwan mo.

Girls, huwag ikahiya ang itim na utong.
TANDAAN: Walang tutong na utong pag patay na ang ilaw.

A man claimed that things turned ugly at his house last night.
His wife removed her make up.

A couple was making love and he dies. The medical examiner asked the wife what happened. She replies, “He was moaning and groaning and I thought he was coming, not going.”

Nearly 26% of Filipino adults were without jobs in June, according to the SWS. Those Filipinos have done nothing and haven’t accomplished anything in recent months. In fact, they have a nickname for themselves: Congressmen.

A couple who has been married for 40 years were asked for the secret of their longevity. The husband replied, “Well, we share in decision making. I let the wife make the small decisions and she lets me make the big decisions.”
The husband was then asked what big decisions he has made and he answered, “For 40 years, I can’t remember any.”

Little David was at his cousin’s wedding and asks his mother, “Mommy, why does the girl wear white?”
His mom replies, “The bride is in white because she’s happy and this is the happiest day of her life.”
David thinks about this, and then says, “Well then, why is the boy wearing black?”

Last night, I punched the wife in the mouth as I was angry at the poor dinner served.
On reflection, I may have over-reacted.
We were in a restaurant at the time.

An expert has predicted that computers will eventually replace paper altogether.
He has obviously never tried to wipe his butt with a laptop!

Ancient Chinese wisdom. Question to Confucius.
WOMAN ASKS:
”If I sleep with 3 men, everyone calls me a slut. But when a man sleeps with 10 women, everyone calls him a Real Man. How come?”
CONFUCIUS REPLIES:
”It’s very simple. When 1 lock can be opened by 3 different keys, it’s a bad lock. But when 1 key can open 10 locks, we call it a Master Key!”

The bill collector offer some advice on managing money to a guy with overdue bills. “Why do you let your wife spend so much money than the two of you make without objecting?”
“Because,” the husband replied. “I’d rather argue with you than with her.”

How to spot a TEXTER:
1. May muscle ang hinlalaki.
2. Bobo sa spelling.
3. May bangga ang kotse.
4. Laging nakayuko.
5. Naka simangot kapag di naka-send.

**All of the above jokes courtesy of MIKE.

 

 

oOo

“Ang pag ibig ay parang imburnal. Pag nahulog ka ng walang nagtulak sa ‘yo, tanga ka.”