Wednesday Humor 09.17.14

punisherano

Nagpayabangan ang 2 bata.
BATA1: “Bakit wala pa kayong TV kami meron na?”
BATA2: “Sabi ng nanay ko, malapit na rin kaming magkaroon eh.”
BATA1: “Talaga! Eh bakit malapit pa lang?”
BATA2: “Siyempre, inuubo pa lang kasi si Lolo eh!”

A guy has been sleeping with a bloke’s wife and he got this text from the husband, “You go near her again and ill have you dead! Mark my words!” To which the guy replied, “8 out of 10, I’ll requires an apostrophe and a capital I.”

A wife reading an almanac.
WIFE: “Did you know that every time I breathe a man dies?”
HUSBAND: “Why don’t you use a mouthwash?”

A man has just been dumped by his girlfriend. She found him creepy because he gave a nickname to his dick. Said he, “Now that I am single again, I’ll have to take Matters into my own hands.”

ERAP: “I heard that fish is BRAIN food.”
LOI: “That’s right! You better eat a WHALE!”

On the night of their honeymoon when the newly weds were about to make love…
HUSBAND: “Hon, I’m so excited because you didn’t agree to have sex until we get married.”
WIFE: “You see, hon, I’ve developed a problem of trusting people. Had I agreed to have sex with you, you might not marry me and it would be the 13th time that I’ve been fooled!”

JUAN: “Pare, dati mayabang ako. Nagbago na ako ngayon! Humble na ako.”
PEDRO: “Ows, talaga?! I’m proud of you! Kailan nawala ang yabang mo?”
JUAN: “Simula nuong maging PERFECT ako!”

VICTIM: “My wife just tried to run me over!”
POLICEMAN: “The car hit you from behind. How can you tell it was your wife?”
VICTIM: “I recognize the laugh!”

DOKTOR: “Sir at misis, meron akong good news at bad news.”
MISTER: “Ano po iyong good news?”
DOKTOR: “Buntis si misis.”
MISIS: “Eh ano naman ang bad news?”
DOKTOR: “Sterile si mister.”

An epitaph that sounds like something from the 3 Stooges:
    Here lies Anna
    Done to death by a banana
    If wasn’t the fruit that laid her low
    But the skin of the thing that made her go.

TV host Billy Crawford went berserk in a police station in Taguig City last Sunday. Police said Billy was obviously drunk when he went wild. Or in showbiz parlance “Anne Curtis.

I asked 100 women what shampoo they preferred…
The number one answer was, “How did you get in here in the bathroom?”

**All of the above jokes courtesy of MIKE pogi. 😀

 

 

oOo

“Do you know out of loyalty, hope and love, which one is the most important one? It’s loyalty. That’s why you should find a guy who can be loyal and not just one who can love.”

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