Tuesday Humor 09.30.14

Katol Pa

JUAN: “Mga tol, wala kayo sa bahay namin… pag andoon kayo sa taas halos di niyo na makita mga tao sa sobramg taas.”
MARIA: “Ay naku! wala kayo sa bahay namin.. pag andoon kayo sa taas paramg mapa ma lang ng pilipinas pag tingin niyo sa baba.”
PEDRO: “Yan lang bahay niyo? Wala kayo sa bahay ko.. try niyo ihagis ang bata sa taas pagdating niyan sa baba matanda na yan..”

Success…
At age 4, success is not peeing in your pants.
At age 12, it is having friends.
At age 18, it is having a driver’s license.
At age 20, it is having a girlfriend.
At age 35, it is having money.
At age 60, it is having sex.
At age 70, it is having a driver’s license.
At age 80, it is not peeing in your pants.

DAD: “Mabait ba ang boyfriend mo?”
ANAK: “Yes, Daddy.”
DADDY: “Maka-Diyos?”
ANAK: “Sobra Dad.”
DADDY: “Nasaan siya?”
ANAK: “Nandoon sa simbahan, nagmimisa!”

Old man has 8 hair on his head.
He went to Barber shop.
Barber in anger asked: “Shall I cut or count?”
Old man smiled and said: “Colour it!”

BABAE: “Nasaan kaya ako?”
LALAKE: “Andito sa puso ko, Darling!”
BABAE: “Hayop ka, seryoso ako! Gago! Nawawala na tayo sa Enchanted Kingdom!”

“Pedro, if you have 20 pesos and Juan takes away 14, what would you have?” said the teacher.
“A fight!” answers Pedro.

A man was smoking when a well-dressed gent came over and asked for a cigarette. As they stood puffing away together, the man turned and said, “It’s a disgusting habit. You should give it up.”
The gent asked, “Smoking?”
The man replied, “Begging.”

Isang mag-asawa ang dumulog sa korte para magpa-annul.
JUDGE: “Ano ang dahilan para kayo magpaannul?”
BABAE: (Nagsalita habang nakayuko) “Your honor, katawan lang ang gusto niya sa akin.”
JUDGE: “Anong pruyba mo?”
BABAE: (Nakayuko pa rin) “Tuwing nag love making kami tinatakpan niya ng towel ang mukha ko.”
JUDGE: “Ikaw Mister bakit mo ginawa yun?”
MISTER: “No comment your Honor. Just see for yourself.”
MISIS: (Nagalit at ihinarap ang mukha sa Judge) See bastos talaga ang taong yan.”
JUDGE: (Habang nakatingin kay Misis.) “Annulment petition granted. Ikaw naman lalaki, bakit ngayon ka lang nagfile ng annulment? Ang tiyaga mo.”

Apple Inc. has developed a new high tech toilet. The details are not yet clear, but the company is torn between two names for the new device.. Either the iPood or the iPeed.

After watching the girls do line dancing, a guy thought, hey I can do this. So he got in line and asked one of the girls, “What’s the name of this dance?”
She replied, “I don’t know, this is the line for the bathroom!”

QUESTION: What is a gay guy’s favorite place to work?
ANSWER: Manhole.

JUAN: “Halika sa kwarto Maria.”
MARIA: “Bakit Juan? Anong meron?”
JUAN: “Sara mo pinto’Maria.”
MARIA: “Kuya, huwag po!”
JUAN: “Patayin mo ilaw Maria.”
MARIA: “Naku, Maawa ka Juan.”
JUAN: “Ipapakita ko lang ang tsinelas ko oh, Glow in the dark.”

 

**All of the above jokes courtesy of MIKE.

 

 

oOo

“”Real men wear pink? NO. Real mean treat girls right!”