Tuesday Humor 10.07.14

run now and then

TEBAN: “Pare sinong idol mo?”
GOLIATH: “Si Arnold Schwarzenegger.”
TEBAN: “Sige nga, spell Schwarzenegger.”
GOLIATH: “Hindi, joke lang pare, si Jet Li talaga idol ko.”

According to Nestor Mercado, former Makati Mayor Jejomar Binay got a “13 percent kickback” per project. Or in the words of Janet Lim Napoles, “Cheap!”

BABAE: “Mamang driver, ang bata po ba may bayad?”
DRIVER: “Wala pong bayad iyon.”
BABAE: “Pag nakakandong may bayad din po ba?”
DRIVER: “Wala nga po.”
BABAE: “Sige, anak, kandungin mo ako!”

PASYENTE: “Dok, bakit po ganito ang operasyon as ulo ko? Halos kita na utak ko.”
DOCTOR: “Ok lang yan, yan ang tinatawag na open minded.”

A teacher was having trouble teaching arithmetic to a little boy.
TEACHER: “If you reached into your right pocket and found 5 peso, and you reach into your left pocket and found another one, what would you have?”
BOY: “Somebody else’s pocket!”

BOY: “Describe me in one word.”
GIRL: “PAASA. Describe mo din ako.”
BOY: “ASSUMING.”

TEACHER: “If you spend all your time sitting playing games on the internet, you’ll be fat and useless when you grow up.”
STUDENT: “Wow! You must have spent hours surfing when you were a kid!”

PANGIT:    “Hoy bata! Ba’t ang sama mo tumingin?”
BATA: “Ikaw? Ba’t ang sama mo tingnan?”

BOY: “Apoy ka ba?”
GIRL: “Oo! Gusto mo sunugin kita?”

“Alam ko marami akong tanong sayo,
pero nagtatanong lang naman ako,
Sana wag mo ako murahin patalikod
pag di mo masagot mga tanong ko.”
– Test

 

 

 

oOo

“Before you find faults, be sure you are dealing with facts, not figments of the imagination…
In other words: Masamang manlait, pero kung totoo, ayos lang!”

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