Monday Humor 01.05.15

missing poster

PATIENT: “Doctor, Doctor! My family thinks I’m mad!”
DOCTOR: “Why is that?”
PATIENT: “I like sausages.”
DOCTOR: “There’s nothing strange about that. I like sausages myself.”
PATIENT: “Really? You must come and see my collection — I’ve got thousands!”

At the grocery’s checkout, the cashier was having trouble finding the price of cucumber.
“Maybe the list is alphabetical,” the customer offered.
So the cashier started searching from the bottom of the list: “Q… Q… Q…”

Define MASAKIT during Sex:
   Wrong Hole, Wrong Hole! 😛

PAALALA SA MGA BABAE:
Kung talagang mahal ka niya, hindi dapat siya mapagod na mahalin ka…
Kahit IHI lang ang pahinga niya.

At a restaurant, a sign read, “Karaoke Tonight!” An old lady studied it before asking, “What kind of fish is that?”

SEN. MIRIAM’S  THESAURUS : 
    1) Bigamous:Man with 2 wives-RAMOS
    2) Polygamous:Man with many wives- ERAP
    3) Monotonous:Man with 1 wife-Villar
    4) Autonomous:Man with  No wife at all , a self-service man -NOYNOY!

BANAT:
Para kang asin.
Bagay na bagay sa itlog ko. <3

At a grade school class…
TEACHER: “What’s the outside layer of a tree called, class?
CLASS: “We don’t know.
TEACHER: “BARK, class!”
CLASS: “WOOF, WOOF, WOOF!”

The China National Tourism office gave tips for its citizens going abroad:
    1. Don’t steal life vests from airplanes to give as gifts.
    2. Don’t leave footprints on the toilet.
    3. Don’t dry your underwear on lampshade.

Sabi nila ang side effect daw ng pagkain ng mani eh magkaka-tigyawat.
Hindi totoo yon. Naglasang pH Care lang iyong panlasa mo.

Ang alam mo ba iyung tuwing tumutugtog ang kanta ng pag-iibigan niyo…
Feel na feel mo ang paghawak niya ng Microphone mo!

A woman texted her husband who was out shopping, “Pick something up for the little ones while you’re shopping.”
So he brought her a bra.

PATIENT: “Doctor, I think I swallowed a SPOON!”
DOCTOR: “Just sit patiently and try not to STIR!”

** All of the above SMS Jokes courtesy of MIKE.

 

 

oOo

“Sabi nila, hindi daw sapat ang pagsasabi lang ng MAHAL KITA. Kailangan may kasamang EFFORT. Kaya “Mahal kita Effort.””

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