A guy told a psychiatrist, “I’m not sure if I’m a man or woman.”
The doctor replied, “Right. Just pull your pants down for me.”
The guy said no, so the shrink said, “You’re a woman!”
BOY: “May kanta ako para sa inyo ng bagong BF mo!”
GIRL: “Wow! Ang sweet mo bestpren… Anong title?”
BOY: “Ang title ay… “Mabuntis ka sana at masira buhay niyo pareho.””
MAN1: “My father always told me that it is better to give than to receive.”
MAN2: “Was he a philanthropist?”
MAN1: “No… he was a BOXER.”
SON: “Daddy, what happens if a condom breaks?”
FATHER: “Look at yourself.”
Paalala sa Kababaihan:
Huwag niyong pakitaan ng motibo ang mga lalake kung ayaw niyong makatikim ng embutido. :p
You know when people always say, “He escaped alive?”
How can you escape when you’re dead?
Mag-shota nakahiga sa damuhan..
GIRL: “Ang Romantic kahit ang kati ng damo.”
GIRL: “Pero ano?”
BOY: “… Mas makati ka pa sa damo.”
In a drug store, a pharmacist told a customer, “Sorry, ma’am, that is impossible. We sell potassium cyanide only with prescription. Just a photo of your husband is not enough!”
QUESTION: What’s the basic difference between the case of VP Binay & that of CPNP Purisima?
ANSWER: The former involves overpricing; the latter underpricing!
LOLA: “Apo, pwede bang makahingi ng pera? Naiinip na kasi ako dito sa bahay eh.”
APO: “Lola naman, pwede ba tigilan niyo na pag ma-mahjong niyo?”
LOLA: “Hindi naman ako magma-mahjong eh, bibili lang ako ng manok.”
APO: “Ano naman ang gagawin niyo sa manok?”
LOLA:” Maglakaro kami ni Lola Petra mo ng sabong, natalo kasi ako kahapon eh.”
A wife tells her husband while watching a teleserye, “Look how much he loves her…”
He replied, “Yes, but do you know how much he’s being paid for that?”
A lady calls a drug store, “Excuse me, do you have pregnancy tests?”
“Yes, we do,” the owner replied.
“Are the test questions difficult?”
A girl tells her boyfriend, “After our marriage, I will let you kiss me where nobody else has kissed me.”
“Where is that?” her man asks.
At an emergency room…
DOCTOR: “There is no doubt that you have been poisoned!”
PATIENT: “For goodness’ sake, with what, Doc?”
DOCTOR: “Don’t worry, we’ll find that out during the autopsy…”
**All of the above SMS jokes courtesy of MIKE.
“Pag singkit na maputi, CHINITO. Pag singkit na maitim, PRINITO.”