Tuesday Humor 03.03.15

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ANAK: “Pa, Ma, pwede na ba akong mag boyfriend?”
PAPA and MAMA: “Hindi pa! Ang bata bata mo pa boyfriend na agad iniisip mo?! Hindi pwede!”
*Biglang nagbrownout*
ANAK: “Ma, pa, samahan nyo naman ako sa kusina may kukunin lang ako natatakot kase ko eh madilim.”
PAPA at MAMA: “Ano? Ang tanda tanda mo na takot ka parin sa dilim!”

At a Sunday school class, the teacher asked a child, “do you pray to God before lunch or dinner?”
The child answered, “No ma’am, my mom’s a good cook!”

NOON: Pag tulog ka, di ka uutusan, bubuhatin ka pa sa kama.
NGAYON: Kahit puyat na puyat ka, gigisingin ka, may hampas pang kasama.

I saw this guy in an Italian restaurant ordering pizza in fluent Italian. The waiter seemed to appreciate his willingness to accept their culture.

So I tried the same thing in a Chinese resto.

I squinted my eyes and shouted, “Harro! Spesha frah raice prease!” but instead of showing appreciation, they took the upturned prawn-cracker basket from my head and told me to get out.

WIKIPEDIA: “Alam ko ang lahat.”
GOOGLE: “Nasa akin ang lahat.”
FACEBOOK: “Kilala ko ang lahat.”
YOUTUBE: “Tutorial.”
INTERNET: “Kung wala ako, wala din kayo.”
PC/LAPTOP: “Ows, di nga sure kayo?” KURYENTE: “Wow, mahiya naman kayo!”

A banker was driving his new Jaguar down the streets. He parked it and opened its door to go out. Suddenly a taxi went by and ripped the door off. A police officer saw the incident and said, “You businessmen are so involved in your possessions, you didn’t even notice that your arm was ripped off as well.”

The banker stared at where his arm was and exclaimed, “Oh no! My new Rolex is gone too!”

TANONG: Sino mas YOUNG?
— Megan Young?
— Lauren Young?
— Slater YOUNG?
Mali!
SAGOT: Eh di si Efren Bata!

Ang utot parang Frozen
Pag nasa school:
“Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know.”
Pag nasa bahay:
“Let it go. Let it go. Can’t hold it back anymore.”

“I stand behind every car I sell,” a previously owned sales representative said. “I help push it,” he continued.

“PUKI”
“Partidong Umaakibat sa mga Kalalakihang Inaapi”

A guy looking out of his house’s window saw a group of people gathered around a bloke who fell off his motorbike. He rushed over and shouted, “Out of the way!”

“Are you a doctor?” a bystander asked.

“No,” the houseowner said, “He’s delivering my pizza.”

PROFILE PICTURE: Diwata.
PERSONAL: Di ata.

 

oOo

“Kung ililipat lahat ng magaganda at gwapo sa ibang planeta, isa lang ang masasabi ko “NAKA-IMPAKE NA PO AKO””

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