Friday Humor 09.18.15

11138100_504872329670888_1440181836318338858_n

INDAY: “Ma’am, ginapang ako kagabi, di ako ‘sure’ kung sino kasi madilim. Pero palagay ko, si Sir yun kasi may bolitas!”
MA’AM: “Hoy!.. wag mong mapag-bintang-bintangan ang sir mo ha! Yung driver natin ang me bolitas, hndi ang Sir mo, ano ka?”

Lahat ng itlog umaalat kapag pinapawisan.
Lahat ng tahong nangangamoy kapag di hinugasan.
Lahat tayo may baho. Huwag magmataas diyan!

“Doctor, I keep thinking I am a goat.”
“How long have you had this feeling?”
“Ever since I was a kid.”

A man called his doctor and said, “Doctor, I think my wife has come down with a case of laryngitis.”
“Bring her into my clinic then,”
the doctor replied, “and I’ll see what I can do.”
“Actually, I was hoping you could tell me how to prolong it.”

TANONG: Alam mo ba theme song ng mag-asawang bulag while making love?

SAGOT: Eh di “Dito Ba”

Dear Boys,
Kung mag-GF kayo isa-isa lang, ha? Kasi di yan raffle promo na the m0re entries u have the m0re chances of winning.

Dear Girls,
Kung madami nanliligaw sa inyo, isa lang sagutin, ha? Kasi di ka kape na 3-in-1.

Dear Gays,
Kung manglalaki kayo, isa-isa lang, ha? Kasi di naman yan eat all u can!

Minsan mas suwerte pa sa lovelife yung mahilig sa porn kaysa sa telenobela. Kasi hindi sila nag i-expect ng fairy tale love story. Alam nila realidad.

Things only men do:
    1. Look at the tissue after blowing nose.
    2. Touch how things just to see how hot it is.
    3. Set off early and then arrive late.
    4. Order food and still keep looking at the menu.
    5. Fart and be proud.
    6. Piss in the shower.
    7. Fart in the bath.
    8. Lose the house keys at home.

Reacting to Vice President Binay’s statement, Senator Grace Poe says it’s important to have “honest leaders.”
The VP and his UNA spokeperson have yet to respond. Rumors say they’re busy looking up the meaning of “honest” in the dictionary – which some people believe is not in their vocabulary.

A woman asked her husband, “When we go to Egypt, can we go on a camel?”
He replied, “It would take ages to go there on a camel.”

From a Manila Craiglist:
FOR SALE: Parachute. Used only one. Never opened, small stain.

Grabe yung salpukan ng jeep kanina, sobrang daming patay! Naaawa ako dun isang gumagapang papunta sa driver, Sabi niya ..




“Manong, Yung sukli sa bente”

GHOST-HUNTING 101:

(Kasama ni Boy na nag Ghost-hunting si Girl sa isang lumang bahay. Nung binuksan ni Boy ang pintuan ng bahay, bigla siyang napasigaw)

BOY: “Uy naramdaman mo ba yon?!”

GIRL: (biglang natakot at sabay hawak sa arms ni Boy) “Ang alin?!” 

BOY: “NA MAHAL KITA.” ♥

 

oOo

“Wala namang taong pangit. Di ko lang alam bakit pinatunayan mo pang meron.”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *