Tuesday Humor 10.27.15

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GIRL: “Honey, ano breakfast natin?”
BOY: “Uhmm.. Nagluto ako ng GEGS.”
GIRL: “Ha? Baka ibig mong sabihin ay EGGS.”
BOY: “Yun nga, iniscRAMBLE ko kasi eh!”

JUAN: “My doctor said that I will be dead if I don’t stop chasing women!”
MAR: “Why would he say that?”
JUAN: “One of the women I’m chasing is his wife!”

HUSBAND: “Pagkamatay ko, ipapamana ko sayo 500 hectares na lupa.”
WIFE: “Huwag…”
HUSBAND: “At yung resort sa Boracay.”
WIFE: “Huwag…”
HUSBAND: “At ang kahalating bilyon sa bangko…”
WIFE: “Huwag…”
HUSBAND: “Teka, bakit huwag ka nang huwag. Ayaw mo?”
WIFE: “Hindi! Huwag mo na pahabain buhay mo. “

Sen. Miriam Santiago chose Sen. Bongbong Marcos as her VP in 2016. She was quoted as saying that the Marcoses didn’t owe the nation an apology for the abuses that happened during the martial law years. Her statement can be read both in her upcoming book, “Stupid Is Forever Indeed.”

A Comfort Room is….
like a Committee meeting. People come with lots of pressure, sit, create a lot of noise and drop the matter!

Kung ganito ang TREND para manalo sa eleksyon:
Cory naging presidente dahil pinatay si Ninoy.
Pnoy naging president dahil namatay si Cory.
Grace Poe possibleng maging presidente dahil namatay si FPJ.
Leni naman VP, dahil namatay si Jess Robredo
Para may pag asa manalo sina Mar at Binay, isakripisyo kaya nila si Korina at Elenita?

Kapag si ‘GRACE P0E’ ay deklarado nang panalo, mraming magbabago.
Pambansang ISDA:  Sug’POE’
Pambansang LARO: Trum’POE’
Pambansang GULAY: U’POE’
Pambansang IBON: ‘POE’go
Pambansang PRUTAS:  ‘POE’melo
Pambansang BULAKLAK:  Kam’POE’ put
Pambansang BAYANI: La’POE’-la’POE’
Pambansang HAYOP:-‘POE’sa.
Pambansang PAGKAIN: ‘POE’to
at ang malupit …
Pambansang AWIT:    ”POE”-SONG BATO”.

Gandang Buhay Poe
Joke lang POE!

WIFE: “This wall clock almost killed me today. It fell only seconds after I got up from the couch.”
HUSBAND: “Darn, clock was always slow!”

Pamganga Gov. Lilia Pineda and son, Vice Gov. Dennis Pineda are running unopposed. In their Facebook posts, mother and son used the emoticon, “feeling tumama sa jueteng.”

Mom with her son saw a man walking. The son said, “Ma, tingnan mo siya, sakang! Hahaha…” The mother scolded her son and enrolled him in a Shakespeare class to change his manners and choice of words.
Next time they saw the man again, the son said, “Hark? What manner of men are these, who weareth their legs in parenthesis!”

14 year old boy saw his sexy stepmother feeding her newborn.
BOY: “What do you feed your baby?”
STEPMOTHER: “Milk and orange juice.”
BOY:  “Which side is orange juice?”

**Thank you MIKE!

 

 

oOo

“A big hangover lasts only a day… but our funny, happy, sad, truthful, embarassing DRUNKEN memories will last forever…”

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