Sunday Humor 11.29.15

Single Mom

Showing a photo of sunburnt skin on Instagram, Krissy Aquino called it ‘quits’ with thousand of commuters who were forced to walk several kilometers because of road closures during the APEC summit. Netizens called her post as ‘callous’ and ‘insensitive.’ Her bro, P-Noy, said, “Kapatid nga kita!”

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Tatlong pari nag-uusap.
PARI1: “May sasabihin akong malagim na sekreto… ako’y bading!”
PARI2: “Ako naman ay may kabit… tatlo pa nga eh!”
PARI3: “Ako? madaldal lang!”

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WAITRESS: “Do you have any question about the menu?”
CUSTOMER: “What kind of font is this?”

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NOON: Sorry na baby, hindi ko na uulitin.
NGAYON: Bahala ka ang arte mo!

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While having a romantic dinner at a chic resto, a lady said, “Say something that can spur my heartbeat.”
“I forgot to bring my wallet,” her boyfriend replied.

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JUAN: “Doc,I accidentally swallowed a chicken bone.”
DOC: “Is it choking?”
JUAN: “It’s Maxs.”
DOC: “I didn’t mean Chowking. I said, are u choking?”
JUAN: “No.I’m serious!”

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Signs You’ve Chosen a “No Frills” Airline:
You can’t board the plane unless you have the exact change.
The Captain asks all the passengers to chip in a little for fuel.
When they pull away the stairs, the plane starts to rock.
All the planes have both a bathroom and a chapel.
No movie. Don’t need one. Your life keeps flashing before your eyes.
You see a man with a gun demanding to be let off the plane.

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Sa lugawan…
JUAN: “Isa pong lugaw!”
TINDERA: “May laman o wala?”
JUAN: “Hello? Mangunguya ko ba yang mangkok? Lagyan mo kaya ng laman!”

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Si Juan habang naghihingalo.
JUAN: “Pare, kung mamamatay ako, wag mo ako ipasok sa kabaong.”
MARIO: “At bakit naman pre?”
JUAN: “Pawisin kasi ako baka maligo ako ng pawis eh..”

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Alamat ng batang masarap batukan…
BATA: “Ale,may skats tape kayong tigpipiso?”
ALE: “Meron.”
BATA: “Magkano po?”

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Arguing with a woman is like reading the software license agreement.
In the end, you ignore everything and click, “I AGREE.”

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** Jokes above courtesy of Mike.

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