BUKNOY: “Tay, naglalakad yung mga gulay natin.”
TATAY: “Paano mo naman nasabi, anak?”
BUKNOY: “Yung talong po nakarating sa kuwarto ni ate.”
Girl announced her engagement to her father.
FATHER: “Does this fellow have any money?”
GIRL: “Oh! Dad, you men are all alike. That’s exactly what he asked me about you!”
MARIA: “Ang kuripot talaga ng boyfriend ko.”
PETRA: “Bakit, ano nangyari?”
MARIA: “Biruin mo naman.. sabi ko gusto kong makita ang Davao… binigyan ako ng postcard!”
A man visited a friend tending elephants at a zoo. He found him crying and when asked what happened, the man replied that the largest elephant had died.
“I’m sorry I didn’t know you were so close to the elephant.”
“I’m not, I have to bury it.”
BOY: “Pa-torjack naman!
GIRL: “Yuck! Di ka talaga romantic!
LALAKE: “O sige, totorjakin kita sa itaas ng bundok at sa ilalim ng mga bituin!”
GIRL: “Yan… OK!”
One bank opened a branch near a cemetery and put up this sign: “You can’t take it with you when you go, but bank with us and you would at least be near it.”
A lola doing the way of the cross in a church.
LALAKE: “Lola, baliktad po yata ang way of the cross niyo?”
LOLA: “Tama ito, hijo!”
LALAKE: “Mali po, dapat po sa 1st station kayo magsimula hindi sa 14th station!”
LOLA: “Ganun ba? Kaya palakas nang palakas si Kristo!”
HUSBAND: “After all these years of marriage. Why have you never threatened to divorce me?”
WIFE: “I’d hate to see you happy!”
PARE1: “Pre, anong sakit mo?”
PARE2: “Diabetes, pre.”
PARE1: “Acquired mo yan?”
PARE2: “Hindi, namana ko lang etong sakit na eto sa papa ko.”
PARE1: “Bakit, diabetic din sya?”
PARE2: “Hindi.. Sugar Daddy!”
A fat lady drops coin in pay weighing scale, waited a while, then a thermal paper came out with the message, “Sorry, only ONE customer at a time.”
*Thank you MIKE for the above SMS jokes.
“Old age is when candlelit dinners are no longer romantic, because, you cannot read the menu!”