Para Healthy


Everyday ay ganito karami ang inihahanda kong malunggay para sa pagkain ng anim kong aso. 

Opo, palaging may kasabay na gulay na malunggay ang tenderloin steak na pagkain ng mga alaga ko araw-araw. O ha! Sey nyo? Siempre para healthy at balanse ang diet nila noh. Charot!

Next time, yung dessert naman  o panghimagas ng mga aso ko ang ipo-post ko dito. Charot ulit!

Saturday Humor 10.01.16

TANONG: Bakit maraming pantalon si Michael Jackson?
SAGOT: Eh kasi Billy Jean.

Ex GF: “Excuse me, anong oras na?”
Ex BF: “Ha? Wala akong relo eh.”
Ex GF: “Ha? Seryoso? Eh di ba Two-timer ka?”

Sa JOLLIBEE: Bida ang saya!
Sa BARKADA: Bida ang tanga!

REPORTER: “Sir, ano pong paghahanda ang gagawin ng pamahalan. Sa sobrang init, natutunaw na mga yelo sa Antartica!”
DUTERTE: “Eh bastos ang putang inang araw na yan! Except to bring El Niño. Umalis na lang tayo sa Solar System!”

EMPLOYEE: “Boss, I can’t come to work today because my car broke down.”
BOSS: “What about the bus?”
EMPLOYEE: “I don’t own a bus!”

Siguro naman ngayong si Du30 na ang presidente, hindi na laging nahuhuling dumating ang mga pulis sa Pinoy action movies! 🙂

BOY: “Bes, sex tayo.”

GIRL: “May mens ako.”
BOY: “Ok lang, bes. Nurse ako. Hindi ako takot sa dugo.”

A man’s plaint:
“I hate the effects of middle age..
I kinda expected the beer belly, sagging skin and baldness..
But I thought it would happen to me, not my wife.”

QUEEN: “Go to sleep!”
KING: “Not until I have a name for my soldiers.”
QUEEN: “K, night!”
KING: “Darling, you are a genius!”

A guy told his office colleague, “My son is so stupid. Yesterday, he stole my neighbor’s phone and got caught.”
“Did the police do a trace on it?” asked the colleague.
“No,” the angry father replied, “they followed the cable to my house!”


WIFE: “I’m leaving you because of your addiction to anti-depressants!”
HUSBAND: “Guess what? I wouldn’t be needing those if you do!”

Friday Humor 07.29.16

At the DOJ, someone yelled at Sec. De Lima:
“Hostess siya! Hostess siya!”
The house security collared the man when a third guy intervened, he explained,
“Brod pasensiyahan mo na siya, Bisaya kasi yan… Ang sinisigaw nya ay “HUSTISYA! HUSTISYA! “

Guy knocks at neighbor’s door. “Sorry, John,” he said, “I know you’re tired from work but I need help. I can’t get into my house as my door key is in my trousers which I’ve left beside the bed.”
“Okay, what do you want me to do
?” the neighbor asked.
Go upstairs to your bedroom and get them for me,” was the reply.

“Your honor,” said a young man. “I’d like to get married please.”
“All right, what’s you age?”
“22, sir.”
“And the bride’s?”
“She’s 15 sir.”
“15? That’s too young and against the law!”
“I see,”
said the young man. “Could you explain that to the man next to her with a shotgun?”

GIRL: “Babe, where are you?”
GUY: “I’m waiting for the bus.”
GIRL: “Hurry up!”
GUY: “Alright, babe, I’ll just wait a bit faster.”

Every time a bird poos on my car, I eat a plate of scrambled eggs on my porch…
Just to show them what I’m  capable of.

A cop pulls over a car, and he asked “Sir, do you know how badly your car was swerving between lanes?”
The offender replied, “I’ve had 8 martinis, officer.”
“That’s no excuse to let your wife drive…,” the cop said back.

When I see a woman driving a taxi, I smile and think how far our society have come in terms of gender equality…
And then I wait for the next cab.

Two old men were reading headstones a a cemetery.
MICK: “Paddy! There’s a bloke here who was 150!”
PADDY: “What’s his name?”
MICK: “Kilometers from Baguio!”

A man’s plaint:
“I hate the effects of middle age..
I kinda expected the beer belly, sagging skin and baldness..
But I thought it would happen to me, not my wife.”

I walked into a room full of women and they couldn’t stop staring at me.
That’s what happens when you go to piss and go to the wrong comfort room!

To all the women that wear a lot of make-up:
Take it easy, it is called a FACE…
Not a COLORING BOOK!

A wife asked her husband for a new phone, similar to blackberry or an iPhone…
In reply, he gave her a black-I.

 

**All of the above jokes courtesy of Mike.

 

oOo

“Keep calm, you’re not late. You’re just Filipino.”