Category Archives: Buhay-Single Mom

Monday Humor 09.28.15

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TEACHER: “Find the value of ” X “.
STUDENT: “Aysus!! Ma’am hindi na dapat hinahanap ang value ng X, X na nga eh! Dapat ang ituturo mo po sa amin, kung paano mag MOVE ON! Hindi kung anu-ano ang ipinapaalala mo po sa amin! past is Past ! No need to discuss!”

A burglar enters a house in the middle of the night. He was interrupted when the owner awoke. Drawing his gun, the burglar said, “Don’t move or I’ll shoot. I’m looking for your money.”

“Let me turn on the light,” replied the victim, “and I’ll look with you.”

SANTIAGO: “Matalino ako!”
BINAY: “Ako rin!”
ROXAS: “Marangal ako!”
BINAY: “Ako rin!”
POE: “Honest ako!”
BINAY: “Ako rin!”
DUTERTE: “Papatayin ko lahat ng sinungaling!”
BINAY: “Joke lang! Di ka naman mabiro!”

Gumagawa ng tubo? Tubero.
Kumukuha ng basura? Basurero.
Ang mahilig sa gimik? Gimikero.
Ang mahilig sa babae? Babaero.
Ah, ano ang tawag sa taong lagi sa kanto?
Eh di, Tambay. Tambay lang! Huwag kang mag-imbento ng kabastusan diyan!

A widower misses his wife. He went to a psychic to see if he could contact her. The psychic went into a trance and a strange breeze blew into the room and man heard the voice of his wife. “Honey,” he cried. “Is that you?”

“Yes, my husband!”

Are you happy?”

“Yes, my husband.”

“Happier than when you were with me?”

“Yes, my husband.”

“Then Heaven must be an amazing place!”

“I’m not in Heaven, dear.”

Papauwi na ako kanina, may nag alok ng sex with a hot model daw.
Ang kapalit lang daw non mag advertise ako ng isang bathroom cleaner dito sa Facebook.
Siyempre hindi ako pumayag.
Mataas moral ko!
Ano ako uto-uto!?
Sex lang yan. Malakas ang
control ko!
Kasing lakas ng DOMEX, the incredibly strong bathroom cleaner na talagang nakakalinis at nakakapatay ng germs at available pa yan in Lemon scent in 9.50 pesos nalang 30% discount.

PULIS: “Prrrt! Lisensya!”

MOTORIST: “Lisensya agad? Di ba puwedeng mag-hi muna?”

PULIS: !@!^##&%$

MOTORIST: “Hi! Hehe… Grabe ka namang makasimangot sir! Heto na nga, hinahanap na.”

For the nth time, former Sen. Jawo’s son, Ryan had a brush with the law for gunrunning. He sustain a gunshot wound when he and a friend reportedly exchanged fire with the police in Makati last week. Ryan insists he is just a victim, and is innocent of the charges. This guy can be the country’s next vice president.

BOY: “Tandaan mo lahat ng sasabihin ko dahil importante ito.”
GIRL: “Ok ano ba sasabihin mo?”
BOY: “Ahmmm… mahal na mahal kita lagi mong tandaan na andito lng ako, lagi sa tabi mo!”
BOY: “Ano natandaan mo ba?”

GIRL: (kinilig) “Ah oo naman.”
BOY: “Good! Pakisabi yan sa bestfriend mo ha? Thanks!”

Sen. Ralph Recto has falsely claim in his online Senate curriculum vitae that he holds two masteral degrees. Apparently, his online resume was uploaded from a stall at Recto Avenue.

BINATA: “Ale, liligawan ko po ang anak nyo.”
ALE: “Huwag muna. Nag-aaral pa sya.”
BINATA: “Sige po, kapag uwian na lang nila.”

An elderly man who denies being forgetful was asked by his wife to get a cup of coffee. “Sure, dear, and what else?”

“That’s it, honey, the last time you got me a coffee, you forgot the sugar and cream,” his wife remarked.

“That’s not true,” boasts the old man.

“OK, sweetheart, in that case please get me some cookies,” she replied.

“As you wish my dear,” says the old man, then adds, “by the way, how do I go to the kitchen?”

 

oOo

“Ang LOVE ay parang Balikbayan box.. nababawasan pag pinakialaman ng iba.”

Bukang-Liwayway Sa San Antonio

Nothing is more beautiful than the loveliness of a calm sea before sunrise.

Kailan lang, hmmmn….actually last September 5-6, 2015, I’ve witnessed the glorious beauty and symbolism of sunrise noong pumunta kami sa “undisturbed” paraiso, of San Antonio Island, Northern Samar.

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Unlike witnessing sunset na minsan ay nakakaramdam ako ng pagka-EMO o sentimyento, iba naman ang dating sa akin ng bukang-liwayway …nakakabuhay ng dugo! Feeling recharged at nakakapagbigay ng new hope sa buhay. Chos!

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San Antonio is a municipality in the province of Northern Samar,Philippines. Its territory is contiguous with Dalupiri Island, just off the western coast of Samar Island at the south end of the San Bernardino Strait. The island’s white beaches are considered an “undisturbed paradise” and future “premier tourist destination” in the Eastern Visayas region. – WIKIPEDIA

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Fresh na fresh ang mga pagkaing-dagat ng isla! Yung beauty ko lang talaga ang hindi fresh. Haha. Yung inihaw na isda namin? Unlimited! 😀

Sarap mag-early morning walk pag ganito kaganda ang nilalakaran mo.

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(Sarap din maglakad sana – kung may kasamang jowa na ka-HHSS (ka-holding hands na may pa-sway-sway). Hihihi!)

Pero di bale…mas masaya pag kasama ang unico hijo ko, mga kapatid at mga pamangkin.

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Ibang klase ang experience ko dito sa pagsakay ng balsa. Kung saan pag nilubog mo ang mga paa mo sa tubig…kitang-kita mo ang mga iba’t ibang isda sa may paanan mo (sa sobrang linaw ng tubig).

Awesome!

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DITO kami nag-stay (for more pics of the island and resort).

 

 

oOo

“If you want to be reminded of the love of the Lord, just watch the sunrise.”

Umay

May mangilan-ngilan na nakapansin at nagtanong sa akin kung bakit mga ilang buwan na rin yata ang nakalipas eh hindi nila naramdaman ang presensya (presensya daw o!) ko sa blogworld/chatworld. 

Oh ha! Mind you, kahit papano may nakaka-miss din sa akin noh. 😛

Well, sabihin na lang natin na inabot ako ng pagka-umay.

Naumay saan?

Ewan ko ba. Basta naumay ako sa pagbo-blog, naumay ako sa mga cyberfriends ko, at naumay ako sa mga kung alin-alin at mga anik-anik pa.

Tsaka I realized sa cyberworld . . .

Post Umay

Sayang lang ang oras.

Usap 015: Boyfriend

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Last week nag usap kami ng unico hijo ko via teks-teks .

MAMARU: “Son, pagsweldo mo this month…libre mo ko ng hair rebond ha!?”

KEVIN: “Magkano yan?”

MAMARU: “Wan payb.”

KEVIN: “Whoa!” (Namahalan yata) “Ok, Remind mo ko next week. Pag di ka pa magka-boyfriend nyan, ewan ko na lang.”

MAMARU: “Eh kasama na diyan yung hair coloring ko kasi nagkaka-uban na ako. Kaya hindi ako nagkaka-boyfriend dahil sa uban ko.”

Hahaha!

Boyfriend. . . boyfriend my ass!

 

oOo

“Shhh! Sometimes I think about calling my ex-boyfriend. LOL! Just Kidding. I’d rather shit in my hands and clap.”

 

 

Thursday Humor 03.26.15

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Luis Antonio Cardinal Tagle of Manila urges Catholics to wear “Huwag Kang Magnakaw” shirt this Holy Week. Some politicians took offense and vowed to wear “Huwag Kayong Tumanggap Ng Donation Mula Sa Amin” shirts.

At an airline ticket office:
MAn: “I would like a round trip ticket please.”
CLERK: “Where to, sir?”
GUY: “Back here, of course, I said round trip. “

Alam mo iyong tatanungin ka ng bisita niyo, “May CR kayo?”
Ang pinakamagandang sagot, “Wala, dumudumi lang kami sa damuhan!”

A balut vendor was dying in the hospital surrounded by his son, daughter, wife and nurse.
BALUT VENDOR: “To you my son, I leave the houses in Antipolo.  To you my daughter, I leave the apartments in QC. To you my beloved wife, I leave all the condos in Quezon city.”
NURSE: “Wow, I am impressed. You are all  so lucky to inherit so much!”
WIFE: “Manahimik ka. Rota niya sa pagtitinda ng balut ang mga lugar na yan. Diyan kami maglalako.”

SOLDIER1: “What made you go into the army?”
SOLDIER2: “I had no wife and I love war. What about you?”
SOLDIER1: “Well, I had a wife and love peace.”

BANAT:
Gusto din namin ang bituin…
Iyong bituin your legs!

A guy told a friend, “My wife drives me to drink.”
The friend remarks, “You’re certainly lucky! I have to walk!

Two passengers on a ship are talking. “Can you swim?” asks one.
No,” says the other, “but I can shout for help in nine languages!”

KASABIHAN:
Bago kayo mag 70, kailangan niyo munang mag-69.

What animal can you compare with your penis?
JAPANESE: “Lion ‘coz its strong!” 
AMERICAN: “Giraffe ‘coz its long!”
GERMAN: “Elephant ‘coz its so big!”
PIN0Y: “Rat ..’coz it goes from hole to hole!”

BLOW…
minsan bubbles,
minsan job.

**All of the above SMS jokes courtesy of MIKE.

 

 

 

oOo

“Hindi lahat ng blooming, inlove. Yung iba sa wakas naka MOVE-ON na.”

Songs I Can’t Get Out of My Head

Kung sino man ang naka-imbento ng earphones…Arigato!

Dahil sa earphones, ako lang at walang ibang nakakaalam na tatatlo lang na kanta at paulit-ulit na naka-play sa selpon ko. Pag naka-earphones, walang ibang nakakarinig, walang ibang nabu-bwiset sa akin at walang ibang napu-purhiwesyo na tao kundi ako lang.

Mga ilang weeks na rin at eto lang talaga ang pinapakinggan kong mga kanta.

Feel ko nga eh niluluga na ang mga tenga ko sa pakikinig. Hahaha! Kever!

Wala akong kasawa-sawa. Maraming beses sa isang buong araw na ninanamnam ko talaga pati mga lyrics ng mga nasa playlist ko. Bilibit or not, while the music plays…para na rin akong aka Lipovitan o naka-Cobra. Para akong inlab sa mood ko,  inspired gumalaw-galaw at magtrabaho ng buong araw.

1. Teardrops In The Rain by CNBlue ( CNBlue, the  only South Korean rock band that I like.)

2. Hero by Family of the Year – Soundtrack of award-winning movie, Boyhood.

3. Eternal Love by Michael Learns To Rock – OST of South Korean drama Healer that ended last January 2015Jusko, ang tagal ko nakapag getober sa K-drama na ‘to na para sa akin ay mas maganda kesa City Hunter ni Lee Min Ho.  Nag fangirling talaga ako sa bida dito na si Ji Chang Wook. Nakaka-inlab! Kaya mega-follow ko talaga siya sa Instagram. Hahaha!  Pag pini-play ko nga ang song na ‘to…ewan ko ba, nag iiba ang mood ko. Parang ang sarap magmahal ulit. Haha! Lutang na lutang lang naman ang feeling ko na para bang dinuduyan ako ng mga kerubin sa langit. Charot!

 oOo

“Take a sad song and make it better.”