Tuesday Humor 07.26.16


PETER LIM: “Hindi ako drug lord!”
NBI: “Kay Pres. Du30 ka na magpaliwanag.”
PETER LIM: “Si Presidente talaga ang haharap sa akin?!”
NBI: “Ayaw mo?! Choosy?!”
PETER LIM: “Hindi. Excited lang!”

LALAKi: “Hindi po ako pusher, sir!”
PULIS: “Sa presinto ka na lang magpaliwanag!”
LALAKI: “Puwede po bang kay Presidente Duterte na lang?”
PULIS: “Ambisyoso! Addict ka! Addict!”

Du30: “Magkumpare pala tayo sa kasal?! Yawa!”
PETER LIM: “Yes, sir. May picture pa tayong dalawa.”
Du30: “Sa susunod, bago ka magpa-picture with me, pakilala ka muna! Yawa!”

Accused of being a drug protector, retired PNP general Vicente Loot has a networth of more than a hundred million pesos..
It didn’t help that his surname is Loot. 😀

Congressman Toby Tiangco filed House Bill 412: An Act providing for ‘No work, No pay’ policy for members of Congress. Sen. Manny Pacquiao was heard to said, “Inaano ko ba kayo?!”

“Para sa akin, yung bitay, mas ano pa. Kasi yung lethal injection, ano naman may rules din ba, or may batas din ang mga doctor na bawal din silang pumatay ng tao.” ~ Manny Pacquiao on the reimposition of death penalty
Ano daw?

PULIS: “Alam namin nandiyan ka lang sa loob ng bahay! Bibigyan kita mg sampung minuto para sumuko nang di ka masaktan!”
SUSPEK: “Susuko na po ako!”
PULIS: “Alam namin nandiyan ka lang sa loob ng bahay. Bibigyan kita ng sampung minuto!”
SUSPEK: “Susuko na po! Susuko na!”
PULIS: “Tanga! Hindi kita pinasusuko! Gusto namin manlaban ka! Now na!”

When the doctor asked a lady patient she didn’t lose weight after her visit three months before, she explained, “My fridge magnets keep pulling me into the kitchen! That’s why I can’t lose weight.”

Paddy and Mick found three grenades so they took it to the police station..
MICK: “What it explodes before we get there?”
PADDY: “We’ll lie and say we found only two.”

MISTER: “Babe, ito yung mga babaeng nag-aaply na driver sa atin. Sino kukunin natin?”
MISIS: “Wala!”
MISTER: “Dahil ba babae sila, wala na silang karapatang mag-drive? Sexist ka naman masyado, babe! Mali yan! Dapat pantay-pantay ang opportunities ng babae at lalake!”
MISIS: “Wala naman tayong kotse!”

**All of the above SMS jokes courtesy of Mike.



“Wag kang titingin sa salamin. Matatawa ka lang.”

Sunday Humor 07.10.16

PASAHERO: “Manong, para po!”
DRIVER: “Sa tabi?”
PASAHERO: “Hindi sa gitna po para patay ako kaagad.”

A couple living in a condo unit in a 10th story building was having dinner.

The husband said, “Ang gagong janitor nagyayabang na lahat na babae sa building na ito ay nagamit niya, except one.”

The wife chuckled and said, “Hmmmmmmmmm, seguro si Ms Cruz, yong pangit na nakatira sa 8th floor ang hindi lang niya nagamit.”

A man and a midget were having a piss when the man noticed the midget winking at him like crazy. Disturbed, he asked, “Are you gay?” The midget replied, “No, but you’re splashing in my eyes!”

MAN:  “Is there any way for long life?”
DOCTOR: “Get married.”
MAN: “Will that help?”
DOCTOR: “No, but then the thought of having a long life will never come.”

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say…
Talk in your sleep.

Bago umalis nang Malacañang si PNoy, nag-usap sila ni Du30.
DU30: “Totoo bang may multo rito?”
PNoy: “Naku, oo! Ang tanong: uubra ba sa multo ang Davao death squad mo eh dead na ang mga yun?”

JUAN: “Pare ano sa Tagalog ang ‘no way?’”
PEDRO: “Walang daan.”
JUAN: “Eh ano yung pH Care?”
PEDRO: “Kapag ang Pilipinas nangingialam.”

Dalawang lasing naglalakad sa riles ng tren…
LASING1 : “Pre . anhirap naman netong hagdan! Andaming steps!
LASING2 : “Di lang yan pre! Ambaba pa ng hawakan!

May isang buntis na naglilihi…
ISABELA:  “Gusto ko ng itim na mangga.”
PEDRO: “Eh wala namang itim na mangga?”
Naglalakad sa kagubatan, may nakita si Pedro na puno ng mangga. May bunga doon ng itim na mangga, dalawa nga lang. Pinilit ni pedro pitasin ang itim na mangga
KAPRE: “Amang, itlog ko yan.”

My neighbor to my mom: “Anong tawag sa kabayong nakatuhog?”
MOM: “Kabayong bbq?”
MY NEIGHBOR: “Hindi, carousel.”

BOY: “Miss, parang kang chicharon.”
GIRL: “Bakit, kasi ang sarap ko?”
BOY: “Hindi, kasi ang taba taba mo.”

On wedding night, man asks wife: “Akala ko ba first boyfriend mo ko? Bakit? hindi ka na virgin?”
WIFE: “Ikaw talaga ang first boyfriend ko. Yung iba, customers ko lang. Peks man!”


”If people are talking behind your back…Then, just Fart!”

Wednesday Humor 06.15.16

Juan Ponce Enrile spent the last 50 years of his life in politics. ..
If there is justice in the world, he will spend the rest of his life in prison.

Martin Andanar, the incoming Presidential Communications Operations Office chief, says the Du30 administration may publish it’s own tabloid. They haven’t decided yet what to call the tabloid but Du30 is keen on calling it, “Balitang Ina Mo.”

A giant alligator was caught on tape taking a leisurely stroll on a golf course in Florida, U. S. A. Reptiles on golf courses are unusual for som. In the Pinas, it’s called “Congress in recess.”

Mayor Duterte promises a “metamorphosis” once he is sworn as President. Change will come he said… He’ll lessen his ‘putang inas’ to 10 per week from the usual 50.

Pres. Rodrigo Duterte appoints Mar Roxas road czar 2 build tuwid na mga daan, Jejomar Binay baker czar 2 make cakes, Grace Poe director of heart center & Antonio Trillanes host 2 a talk show 24/7 para daldal ng daldal ng lumawit ang dila. Let us welcome d new cabinet members!

President-elect Rody should force Congress to go on minimum wage..
That way, Pinoys can feel comfortable calling them public servants.

People says President-elect Rody uses ‘cuss words.’ Rody vehemently disagreed and allegedly said, “They are sentence enhancers.”

Judging by the way some women wear make-up, it’s rather obvious that they did not excel at coloring when they were children.

I don’t think it’s cute when I see names carved into trees…
I think it strange how many people take knives on dates.

Perks of being 60 years and above…
Kidnappers aren’t interested in you.
In a hostage situation, you are likely to be released first.
People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
Things you buy now won’t wear out.
No one expects you to run – anywhere.
People call at 8pm and ask, “Did I wake you up?”

BOSS: “If you can’t show up here sober then don’t bother coming to work tomorrow!”
EMPLOYEE: “Wow! Three day weekend!”

POLICEMAN: “Do you speak English?”
JUAN: “Yes.”
POLICEMAN: “Where are you from?”
JUAN: “Yes.”

DOCTOR: “Your liver is the only organ that regenerates itself…”
ERAP: “I believe that calls for a drink… Cheers!”

Little Boy1: “Are you related to anyone famous?”
Little Boy2: “I don’t want to brag, but I heard Dad calling God his father.”

HUSBAND: “Call an ambulance fast! I am having heart attack…”
WIFE: (took his mobile) “Quick! Give me the password!”
HUSBAND: “It’s okay! I’m feeling better now!”

“Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh, yep, yep, uh huh, uh huh, ok, you too, bye.” A man’s side at every phone conversation with his wife.

**All of the above SMS Jokes courtesy of MIKE.




“Remove toxic people from your life. Free yourself.”

Tuesday Humor 05.31.16

Excerpts from alleged interview with Du30…
QUESTION: “Nakakailang ‘putang ina’ po kayo sa loob ng isang linggo?”
ANSWER:” Pag nanood ako ng news tapos nakita ko ang CBCP, “p…i…” Pag nakita ko si De Lima, “p…i..” Pag natrapik ako, “p…i…” Pag nakarinig ako ng balita sa druga, “p…i..” More or less, mga 15 na “p…i..” weekly!”

Mayor Rody Duterte is the country’s oldest and the first septuagenarian president. In contrast, P-Noy is the youngest president to be elected who looks like a septuagenarian!

Former justice secretary Leila de Lima has been elected senator of the country. The feisty lawyer got 14.14 million non-Iglesia Ni Cristo votes. Congrats!

Senator-elect Manny Pacquiao supports the restoration of the death penalty because ‘It’s biblical.” As a supporter of the anti-RH law, Mr. Pacquiao is the first Pinoy lawmaker in history to be pro-life and pro-death at the same time!

Pinoys have elected the country’s first transgender lawmaker. One would like to believe Pinoy voters have matured…
Just don’t mention anything about Senator-elect Manny Pacquiao!

Starfruit Season Quote:
”My loyalty to my party ends where my loyalty to my pocket begins.”

GIRL1: “Wow, ang cute naman ng baby mo!”
GIRL2: “Thanks, sis! Ikaw kelan mo balak mag baby?”
GIRL1: “Pagsawa na akong lumunok!”

It’s ironic how the colors Red, White and Blue represents freedom…
until they are flashing behind your back! 🙂

QUESTION: How do you know when your girlfriend is putting on too much weight?
ANSWER: When your wife’s clothes fit her.

A guy in a bar stood up and said, “All politicians are a$$holes!” Another man stood up and says, “Hey… I resent that!”
The first guy asked, “Why? Are you a politico?”
was the swift reply, “I’m an a$$hole!”

GUY2: “Let’s just fall in love. Di ba sabi ng Eagles, “Love will keep us alive.”
GUY1: … 
GUY2: “Sige, pa-deliver na lang!

Dear Men:
When a woman says she doesn’t want to talk about it, you’d better shut up, then grab a chair and get ready to listen for… hours.

It’s quite difficult to understand life insurance…
Why would a guy want to give his wife and family financial incentive to kill him?

Current Relationship Status:
Made dinner for two. Ate them both.

** All of the above SMS Jokes courtesy of Mike



“Ang pagkakaroon ng CRUSH ay parang muta, malapit ka na nga hindi ka pa makita.”

Monday Humor 05.02.16


Reports say P-Noy has advised Sec. Mar Roxas to do something to improve his ratings in the presidential surveys. So, Mar petitioned a court to allow him to use the surname “Duterte!”

The inventor of the urinal deodorizer block passed away. Long may he rest in PISS.

An emergency room resident began his examination of an elderly man by asking, “What brought you to the hospital?” The old man replied, “An ambulance.”

“How many cups of coffee will this hold?” a man asked as he placed a large thermos on a coffee shop counter. “Six cups,” advised a crew member. “Fine,” replied the man. “Give me two cups regular, two cups black, and two with extra cream!”

Breaking News: Bading, biglang nangisay at nanigas nang makatikim ng tea tea.

Ang bagong alternatibo sa mga dating mahilig sa Milk Tea… Ang “BAT TEA.”

Hindi kami naniniwala sa teleserye na “Bridges of love.” Dahil ang true love nasa HAGDAN hindi sa TULAY!

Standing in front of the mirror the wife said, “I am not fat, you wouldn’t call me fat, would you?” Her husband replied, “Of course not darling. Delusional, but never fat.”

WIFE: “Truth or dare?”

HUSBAND: “Truth.”

WIFE: “So tell me, do I look fat in this dress?”

HUSBAND: “Woah, woah, woah! This is not fair.. I said truth not dare!’

Sinabi ng misis sa mister, “Babe, nag-ahit ako, alam mo ba ibig sabihin nun?” at kumindat pa si misis. “Tangina,” sagot ng mister kay misis, “Hah? Barado na naman ang banyo?”

As I stood swaying at the British Airways ticket counter, the sales agent asked, “May I help you, sir?” “Yes,” I slurred as I unzipped my Superman costume to get my wallet, “one way ticket to Amsterdam please.” “You’re unable to fly, sir,” he replied. “You’re too drunk.” I said, “I know, mate, that’s why I’m getting a plane.”

BOSS: “I think you’re not too bright at all. But you have come early to work for the past two years. You deserve a reward. “

EMPLOYEE: “Thanks, boss! What’s my reward then? “

BOSS: “How does a brand new car sound? “

EMPLOYEE: “Vroom, vroom…”



“Don’t be a woman that needs a man… Be a woman a man needs!”

Tuesday Humor 04.12.16

At a press forum…
REPORTER: “Where do you see yourself in five years?”
BINAY: “In a house.”
REPORTER: “Vacation?”
BINAY: “House arrest!”

A wife stormed into a pub and as her husband and the boys were downing Tequila.
“You’re coming home now!” she screamed.
No, I’m not,” he laughed.
She said, “I’m talking to the kids!”

Parang patungo na sa Hunger Games ang magiging format ng eleksyon…
Hamon here. Hamon there.

INTERVIEWER: “Why did you leave your previous job?”
APPLICANT: “Because once they fire you, they won’t let you stay!”

In an apparent dig at Senator Grace Poe, Vice President Jejomar Binay says the country needs leaders with “experience and competence.” Which begs the question, “Why did you let Nancy run?”

Yung boobs mo parang advertisement ng burger ng McDo…
Sa picture lang malaki.

At midnight… wife’s mobile phone beeps.
Husband checks it & gets angry. He wakes his wife up.
HUSBAND: (angry) “Who is this person saying “beautiful”?”
Surprised, wife checks her mobile phone.
WIFE: (very angry) “Hey! Use your magnifying glass… ‘It’s not beautiful… It’s battery full!!'”

Girl announced her engagement to her father.
FATHER: “Does this fellow have any money?”
GIRL: “Oh! Dad, you men are all alike.  That’s exactly what he asked me about you!”

Ang sabi nila mas madami daw ang babae kaysa lalake sa buong mundo.
Kaya huwag magtataka kung bakit maraming kabit.

“Senior Moments”
An old Fellow fell in Love with a Lady. He got down on his knees.. & told her there were 2 things he would like to ask her.
She replied: “0K”…
He said: “Will you Marry Me?”
She replied: ” YES “…
Then asked what his 2nd  Question was ?…
He replied: “Will you help me stand up?”

“I saw you kissing my sister last night!” jeered the brat to the embarrassed teenager.
“All right! Not so loud,” replied the youth. “Here’s 50 cents to keep your mouth shut.”
“Gee, thanks! Wait a minute and I’ll give you 20 cents change.”
“20 cents change? What for?”

“I like to be fair, and it’s the same price for everybody.”

Dapat aware tayo sa feelings ng asawa o girlfriend natin.
Pero girls, sana maging aware din kayong nasasaktan din kami kapag sumabit ang ipin niyo.

A wife opened her birthday present and as she held it in her hands she said to her husband, “This is nice but why a mirror?”
He replied, “In case you forget why I’m leaving you.”

**All of the above jokes courtesy of MIKE.



“Yung ibang kandidato parang EX mo. Minsan ka nang sinaktan at niloko tapos ang lakas ng loob bumalik syo. At dahil tanga ka pababalikin mo.” – Vice Ganda

Saturday Humor 04.09.16

Pampanga’s most controversial family, the Pinedas, endorsed Mar Roxas for the presidency. When asked how he felt to have the backing of Bong and Lilia Pineda, Mar said, “Parang tumama sa jueteng!”

Tinutukan ng kutsilyo ang babae..
LALAKE: “Wag kang sisigaw, rape ‘to!”
BABAE: “Huhuhu… wag po, kuya, parang awa mo na!”
LALAKE: “Happy april fools! hahaha…”
BABAE: “Kinabahan naman ako sayo, kuya!”
LALAKE: “Joke lang… holdap lang ‘to!”

Kim Wong returned the money stolen by hackers from the Bangladeshi Central Bank. When asked if they are willing to do the same, the Marcoses said, “We didn’t connive with hackers!”

Blood types of Presidentiables:
MAR ROXAS – Blue Blood
GRACE POE – Half Blood
JOJO BINAY – Dinuguan!

Friend, tatlo pala ngayon ang Makati:

Makati na Ayala, Makati na Mahirap at Makati ang Kamay (mga Binay)!!

Accused plunderer Sen. Johnny Ponce Enrile announced that he would campaign for presidential aspirant Jojo Binay. In an unrelated news, anthropologists have debunked the old adage, “Ang magnanakaw ay galit sa kapwa magnanakaw.”

In U. S. politics, Donald Trump’s supporters are now being called “Trumpeters.” In Pinas, some supporters of Digong Duterte are being called “Dutertenatics,” while Binay supporters are denying that they are called “Binayarans.”

San Juan City Mayor Guia Gomez, partner of Manila Mayor Erap has endorsed Mar Roxas for the presidency. The five other presidential candidates are not worried as they can still rely on the support of Erap’s five other partners.

A man bought some dragon scales from China for his wife.
SHE: “Ooh, they’re beautiful! What are they?”
HE: “Dragon scales. They’re very rare!”
SHE: “What are they for?”
HE: “Weighing dragons!”

A boss yelled at an employee, “This is the fifth time you’ve been late to work this month! Do you know what that means?”
The employee replied, “Probably that it’s Friday.”

APO: “Lola, ako po ang pinaka-unang natuto ng ABC sa school!”
LOLA: “Very good ka, apo, wag mayabang!”
APO: “Lola, ako din pinaka-mabilis magbilang ng 1 to 10.”
LOLA: “Ok yan, wag kang makulit ha!”
APO: “Lola, ako na rin pinaka-matangkad sa school!”
LOLA: “Malamang! grade 1 ka lang pero trenta ka nang hinayupak ka!”

Alam niyo ba na ang magandang babae libre sa inuman.
Pero kapag pangit, hinihingan ng ambag! 😀

BABAE:  “Gusto ko magpa-tattoo malapit sa ano ko. Ano magandang design?”
LALAKE: “Bird’s nest. Para duon dadapo ang bird ko.”

**All of the above jokes courtesy of MIKE.




“Ang pinaka kinakatakutan ng mga lalakeng mataba ay hindi ang pagiging mabigat… kundi ang pagkakaroon ng girlfriend na mas maliit pa ang boobs kaysa sa kanila.”

Friday Humor 04.08.16



Paggamit ng PAUL sa pangungusap.
”Paul, be carePAUL. Don’t try to PAUL your sister, ‘coz you both might PAUL in the swimming PAUL.”

LOLA: “Paraahhh!”
DRIVER: “Bakit po?”
LOLA: “Jingle lang ako.” (nag-fart)
DRIVER: “Sabi niyo ji-jingle kayo, ba’t kayo umutot?”
LOLA: “Totoy, wen der’s rain, der is thunder!”

At a resto…
WAITER:  “How did you find your steak, sir?”
CUSTOMER:  “Well, I just pushed aside a bean and there it was!”

Girls, pag sinulit niyo ang lalake sa puro palibre, susulitin din kayo nun sa sex. Hindi yun papayag na hindi mabawi ang puhunan niya.

QUESTION: Why do only 15% of women go to heaven?
ANSWER: Because if they all went, it would be hell.

Halos lahat nalang ng mga palabas ay tungkol sa KABIT
*No Other Woman
*A Secret Affair
*The Mistress
*Amazing Spiderman
*Amazing Spiderman 2

“Sarap makipagharutan sa taong mahal mo, yung tipong hahampasin ka nya ng unan tapos hahampasin mo sya ng folding bed.”

GIRL: “Bastos ka ah! Ba’t mo hinawakan pwet ko!”
BOY: “There was never an ass.”

TURN ON: Yung taong namamansin, HINDI yung taong papansin

“Hindi hadlang ang mga bilbil sa ating katakawan.
Gabay lamang sila.
Meron tayong FREE TASTE,
Kainin natin ito.”

RICH KIDS: Amazing!
POOR KIDS: Boom Panes!

A father and son went deep-sea fishing. Out at sea, the father saw his son drilling a hole in the boat. When asked what he was doing, the son replied, “There’s coming into the boat, so I made another hole for it to escape!”

TANONG: Anong baboy ang malungkot?

Binabayaran natin sa Meralco.

minsan sa labas,
minsan sa loob ng salawal mo kapag nakakita ka ng sexy.


minsan hayop,
minsan style.

minsan kutkutin,
minsan kinukutkot.

Minsan ulam,
minsan pepe niya




Only two phrases can change a woman’s mood: ” I love you” and “50% off”.

Thursday Humor 04.07.16


BOY:”Donut ka ba?”
GIRL: “Bakit? Kasi sweet ako?”
BOY: “Hindi, masarap ka sana…kaso Butas ka na eh.”

ROXAS: “Pati kama at iba pang gamit sa OSMAK, overpriced sabi ng COA.”
BINAY: “Hindi overpriced yan. We are entitled to mamahaling gamit. Taga-Makati kami! Sosyalin!”
ROXAS: “Pati building, bawat square meter, overpriced sabi ng COA.”
BINAY: “Paulit-ulit ka ng bintang! Disipulo ka ni Goebbels!”
ROXAS: “Paulit-ulit ka ng deny. Spell ‘Goebbels!'”
BINAY: “Wag muna ibahin ang usapan. Balik tayo sa overpricing.”

DUTERTE: “You’re a fraud. Sabi mo graduate ka ng Wharton, hindi naman!”
ROXAS: “Wharton po ako at Wharton na po ang nagsabi!”
BINAY: “Digong, baka naman umattend ng seminar sa Wharton. Hihihi…”{
ROXAS: “Sandali, ito nga pala sabi ng COA sa overprized Makati school building…”
BINAY: “Ba’t ba ako nasali diyan? Oras mo yan Digong. Go! Kaya mo na yan!”

VP Binay’s daughter, Abby, who’s ending her term as a congresswoman of Makati City is now running as city mayor. Her campaign spiel worries some Makati residents: “Ipagpapatuloy ang nasimulan ng aking ama.”

An Iranian billionaire was sentenced to death for corruption. Sighing with relief, VP Binay said, “Thank God, I’m a Filipino!”

WIFE: “Every time we argue, you think you’re right!”
HUSBAND: “Yes, if I thought you were right, we wouldn’t be arguing.”

For six years since 2010, Quezon City topped the list of places with the highest number of thefts and robberies. Hardly surprising considering the House of Representatives is in Quezon City!

50 Shades of Blue…
the true story of a married man’s testicles.


A wife could learn a lot from a dog.
The way the creature’s face lights up when offered a bone.

Two neighbors were talking when one of them said he’s going to Beijing.
NEIGHBOR1: “Oh that’s nice, the wifey and I are going to travel too.”
NEIGHBOR2: “Oh, where are you going?”
NEIGHBOR1: “Well, we’re excited to go to Walmart to see all the new Chinese products.”

A lady of the house returned home one afternoon and asked her new maid, “Did you clean out the refrigerator as I told you?”
“Yes, ma’am
,” replied the maid. “And everything was delicious!”

At a dental clinic..
PATIENT: “Hey, that wasn’t the tooth I wanted pulled.”
DENTIST: “Relax and calm yourself, I’m coming to it!”

Reports say that senatorial candidate, Cong. Ferdinand Martin Romualdez of Leyte, has spent more than a half Billion pesos on pre-campaign political ads alone. And Mme. Imelda Marcos allegedly said, “Pamangkin nga kita!”

If he becomes president, Digong Duterte vows that his first wife and current girlfriend will have separate rooms in Malacanang. Mayor Erap remarked that he would never do that because there would be a shortage of rooms!

**All of the above jokes courtesy of MIKE.




“Ang pag-ibig ay parang pagboto. Kailangan mong pag-isipang mabuti para di ka magsisi sa huli. At legally allowed for 18yrs old and above only. ”

Tuesday Humor 02.16.16

CUSTOMER: “Pabili nga po ng kape.”
TINDERA: “Anong kape po?”

CUSTOMER: “Pabili po ng pain reliever.”
TINDERA: “Ilang piraso?”
CUSTOMER: “Isa lang po, kasi saming dalawa, ako lang ang nasaktan.”

CUSTOMER: “Ate pabili po ng electric fan”.
TINDERA: “Anong klase?”
CUSTOMER: “Yung steady lang, yun tipong hindi lilingon sa iba.”

CUSTOMER: “Pabili po ng bubble gum.”
TINDERA: “Anong klase?”
CUSTOMER: “Yung di lang sa simula sweet, yung kahit matagal na di padin nawawala.”

CUSTOMER: “Pabili nga po ng ilaw.”
TINDERA: “Anong klase?”
CUSTOMER: “Yung maliwanag. Yung makikita nya yung halaga ko.”

TINDERA: “Welcome to mcdonald’s may I take your order?”
CUSTOMER: “Isang bf fries po ate.”
TINDERA: “Ah bff fries po?”
CUSTOMER: “Bf fries lang ate, walang forever.”

CUSTOMER: “Pabili po ng pampers.”
TINDERA: “Ilan?”
CUSTOMER: “Tatlo po. Tatlo po kasi kaming baby nya.”

Just Before Hanging, Judge Asked,
JUDGE: “Any Last Wish?”
PRISONER: “Yes.. I Want To Update My Facebook Status As “DEAD”.”

DAUGHTER: “Mom. . My boyfriend doesn’t believe in heaven and hell.”
MOM: “Alright. . You marry your bf and let him experience heaven in you. . I’ll take care of the hell part.”

GORIO: “At ikaw ang pinaka magandang kulot sa balat ng lupa.”

“Life is too short to be unhappy.”