Category Archives: Daily Humor

Monday Humor 1.25.16

BUKNOY: “Tay, naglalakad yung mga gulay natin.”
TATAY: “Paano mo naman nasabi, anak?”
BUKNOY: “Yung talong po nakarating sa kuwarto ni ate.”

Girl announced her engagement to her father.
FATHER: “Does this fellow have any money?”
GIRL: “Oh! Dad, you men are all alike.  That’s exactly what he asked me about you!”

MARIA: “Ang kuripot talaga ng boyfriend ko.”
PETRA: “Bakit, ano nangyari?”
MARIA: “Biruin mo naman.. sabi ko gusto kong makita ang Davao… binigyan ako ng postcard!”

A man visited a friend tending elephants at a zoo. He found him crying and when asked what happened, the man replied that the largest elephant had died.
“I’m sorry I didn’t know you were so close to the elephant.”
“I’m not, I have to bury it.”

BOY: “Pa-torjack naman!
GIRL: “Yuck! Di ka talaga romantic!
LALAKE: “O sige, totorjakin kita sa itaas  ng bundok at sa ilalim ng mga bituin!”
GIRL: “Yan… OK!”

One bank opened a branch near a cemetery and put up this sign: “You can’t take it with you when you go, but bank with us and you would at least be near it.”

A lola doing the way of the cross in a church.
LALAKE: “Lola, baliktad po yata ang way of the cross niyo?”
LOLA: “Tama ito, hijo!”
LALAKE: “Mali po, dapat po sa 1st station kayo magsimula hindi sa 14th station!”
LOLA: “Ganun ba? Kaya palakas nang palakas si Kristo!”

HUSBAND: “After all these years of marriage. Why have you never threatened to divorce me?”
WIFE: “I’d hate to see you happy!”

PARE1: “Pre, anong sakit mo?”
PARE2: “Diabetes, pre.”
PARE1: “Acquired mo yan?”
PARE2: “Hindi, namana ko lang etong sakit na eto sa papa ko.”
PARE1: “Bakit, diabetic din sya?”
PARE2: “Hindi.. Sugar Daddy!”

A fat lady drops coin in pay weighing scale, waited a while, then a thermal paper came out with the message, “Sorry, only ONE customer at a time.”

*Thank you MIKE for the above SMS jokes.

 

 

oOo

“Old age is when candlelit dinners are no longer romantic, because, you cannot read the menu!”

Thursday Humor 01.21.16

DALAGA: “Excuse me, pogi… Meron kang kamukha.”
BINATA: “Sino?”
DALAGA: “Yung susunod kong BF!”
BINATA: “Sorry, hindi puwede yan!”
DALAGA: “Bakit?”
BINATA: “May BF na kasi ako. At para sa kaalaman mo, hindi ako TOMBOY!”

ANAK: “Akala ko ba ampon niyo ako, eto birth certificate ko! Antagal niyo sakin nilihim na tunay nyo aköng anak!”
MAGULANG: “Pero anak, tinuring ka din namin na parang pekeng anak.”
ANAK: “Ano na lang sasabihìn ng mga kamag-anak natin kapag nalaman nilang tunay nyo akong anak? Ayoko na dito, aalis na ako!”
MAGULANG: “Saan ka pupunta?”
ANAK: “Hahanapin ko mga peke kong magulang!”

MOTHER: “Aren’t you ashamed of yourself? You’ve been studying for 3 years, and you can only count up to 10. What will you do in life if you go on like that?”
LITTLE BOY: “I’ll be a referee at boxing matches!”

DOKTOR: “Pag di kayo tumigil ng pag-inom ng alak maaring mabulag kayo!”
PASYENTE: “Ako’y 80 taon na. Sa palagay ko ay nakita ko nang lahat ang mga dapat makita!”

Two guys were talking during lunch.
GUY1: “You wouldn’t believe what happened this morning. A girl on a bike rode up to me, undressed herself, and told me, “take whatever you want.” So I took her bike.”
GUY2: “Good choice! Her clothes probably woudn’t fit you!”

Fantasy ng Babae:
Ang pag-agawan siya ng dalawang lalake.
Fantasy ng Lalake:
Ang i-share siya ng dalawang babae.

“Knock, knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“It’s the police, sir.”
“You’ll have to wait, I’m having a poo.”
“We know, sir. The phone booth has glass sides!”

Two flies land on a pile of manure. One fly passes gas. The other fly looks at him and says, “Hey do you mind? I’m eating here.”

*Thank you MIKE for the above SMS jokes.

 

 

oOo

“May oras na darating na kailangang palayain ang isang lalake, di dahil ayaw mo na sa kanya, kundi alam mong mas masaya siya kung hahayaan mo siyang magmahal sa kapwa niyang lalake!”

Miss Universe Intro

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  1. “From the land of the disqualified candidate for presidency – GREECE!”
  2. “From the land of Dick – ISRAEL!
  3. “From the land of Susan – AFRICA!”
  4. “From the land of Amy – AUSTRIA!”
  5. “From the land of PacMom’s Mommy – InDIONESIA!”
  6. “From the land of the ifs and buts – PERU!”
  7. “From the land  kung saan madameng rapper – YEMEN!”
  8. “From the Land of Philip and Maja – EL SALVADOR”
  9. “From the Land of Kuya Germs – GERMANY!”
  10. “One way, two way, highway, there’s no other way – NORWAY!”
  11. “One little two, little three, little – INDIA!”
  12. “I did not walk, I did not crawl,-  IRAN!”
  13. “No matter what happens I’m never gonna – LIBYA!”
  14. “Ola viola, kaserola, tinola, sarangola, arinola ni lola – VENEZUELA!”
  15. “Yakult everyday, everyday – UK!”
  16. “Kanina buhay pa sya, ngayon pa – CHINA!”
  17. “Hindi tuldok , hindi question mark – KUWAIT!”
  18. “Sing ka na, Sing ka pa, Ilabas ang Magic Sing – SINGAPORE!”
  19. “TaiTHREE, TaiTWO – TAIWAN!”
  20. “27, 28, 29, TURKEY!”
  21. “iPhone 6, Dual sim, 20K, Made in – CHINA!”
  22. “Sa bansang mahal ang bigas, gayun din ang gas, maraming mandurugas, marami ring patatas – PILIPINAS!”
  23. “Hindi sa Greenbelt, hindi sa SM North, hindi sa Ayala, kundi sa – SAMOA!”
  24. “Hindi ka naman kausap, sumasabat ka. Huwag kang masyadong – NEPAL!”
  25. “Ang bagal mo kumilos, late na tayo sa party – BELIZE!”
  26. “Bawat bata may tanong, Ba’t ganito, ba’t ganun? Hayaang buksan ang isipan. Sa science o agham. Tayo na sa – VENEZUELA!”
  27. “Hulihin! Huwag pakawalan! – ITALY!”
  28. “Pag tinext ka niya ng “good night,” ‘wag mo agad lalagyan ng – MALAYSIA!”
  29. “Ang susunod na palabas ay Rated – FIJI!”
  30. “We’re not lovers. We’re just – FRANCE!”
  31. “Netherair, Netherwater – NETHERLANDS!”
  32. “Hi! My name is Anne Curtis-Smith, ang inyong paboritong kampanerang – CUBA!”
  33. “Mali ang tsismis, hindi sya supot – TUNISIA!”
  34. “If you can make it through the fire, then I can make it through – BAHRAIN!”
  35. “I came here like a wrecking ball. By Miley – CYPRUS!”
  36. “Basta corned beef – ARGENTINA!”
  37. “Mauna na kayong mag-lunch, wala pa akong – GHANA!”
  38. “Beep, beep, beep! Ang sabi ng jeep. May baklang kumekeme sa jeep. – EGYPT!”
  39. “Thailand, Thailand mo ba mapapansin ang aking lihim? – THAILAND!”
  40. “The one and only largest gorilla in the universe – HONGKONG!”
  41. “Ssshhh…Please keep – KUWAIT!”
  42. “Nahilo, nagutom, natumba nawalan ng – MALAYSIA!”
  43. “Class, exchange your papers. Lets CZECH REPUBLIC!”

SOURCE: Twitter

Thursday Humor 12.10.15

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*

TANONG: Anong bansa ang hindi sikat?
SAGOT: Eh di, Laos.

TANONG: Anong bansa ang parating sumasang-ayon?
SAGOT: Eh Di, Yemen.

*

HOLDAPER: “Akin na pera mo!”
POLITIKO: “Di mo ba ako kilala? Pulitiko ako.”
HOLDAPER: “Okay, akin na pera namin!”

*

RING FINGER = palasingsingan
PINKY FINGER = pansandalian
MIDDLE FINGER = palaligayahan

*

Use COMMUTE in a sentence.
“Noong bata ako, CUTE lang ako. Tapos ngayon, lalong COMMUTE.”

*

Pag-uwi ni mister, medyo tahimik sa bahay at nakapatay ang ilaw sa sala at kusina. Kaya dumerecho siya sa kwarto at nadatnan niya si misis na naka-hubad sa kama…
MISTER: “Bakit ka nakahubad diyan?”
MISIS: “Ah… eh… kasi wala akong masuot na damit.”
MISTER: “Walang ma-suot? Eh ang dami-dami kong binili sa’yong damit na bago para sa pasko!”
*Pumunta si mister sa cabinet at binuksan…*
MISTER: “Eto yung blue dress… eto yung red blouse… eto yung black dress… eto si kumpare… eto yung floral dress… eto yung green blouse… teka…”

*

Mag-tiyo nanonood ng DVD movie…
PAMANGKIN: “Tito, natatakot ako.”
TITO: “Wag ka matakot ok lang yan.”
PAMANGKIN: “Mamamatay ba yung babae?!? “Sigaw siya ng sigaw.”
TITO: “Parang oo yata.…anlaki ng titi ng negrong ‘to.”

*

PEDRO: “Pre, tagay tayo, nag-away kami ni misis eh.”
JUAN: “Ha? E sino nanalo?”
PEDRO: “Sabihin na lang natin na ang huli kong salita eh…”tumigil ka na at nagdidilim na paningin ko!”
JUAN: “Hahahaha! Wow astig! Bossing ka pala eh! Ano naman sabi nya?”
PEDRO: “Hindi ko na alam pre, nawalan na ko ng malay eh. Sakal-sakal nya kasi ko nung sinabi ko yun!”

*

Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
‘Kinginang Violet yan, pano naging blue?!

*

Grade 6 couples be like…
BOY: “Babe ansungit mo na naman, ano bang problema?”
GIRL: “Tanong mo dun sa babaeng nilibre mo ng Mikmik!”

*

oOo

“Hindi hadlang ang mga bilbil sa ating katakawan.
Gabay lamang sila.
Meron tayong FREE TASTE,
Kainin natin ito.”

Monday Humor 12.07.12

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*

TEACHER: “Bakit late ka Juan?”
JUAN: “Late po kasi relo ko.”
TEACHER: “Eh di i-advance mo!”
*Umalis si Juan*
TEACHER: “San ka pupunta Juan!?”
JUAN: “Ma’am, Uwian na po!”

*

FRIEND1: “Ano nga english ng selyo?”
FRIEND2: “Seal.”
FRIEND1: “Yung nabibili.”
FRIEND2: “ICE FOR SEAL.”

*

Kapag matangos ilong: Pointed nose.
Kapag pango ang ilong: Disappointed nose.

*

Knock knock!
Who’s there?
PBB!
PBB who?
♩♩ Spaghetti PBB, PBB ng PBB. ♩♩

*

BOY: “I like you.”
GIRL: “Salamat sa like.”
BOY:  “No. I really like you! I really really like you!”
GIRL: “Salamat sa FLOODLIKES.”

*

BOY: “Alam mo para kang floor wax.”
GIRL : “Bakit naman?”
BOY : “Kasi mahal Kita eh. Ops, sorry nadulas ako.”

*

TANONG: Ano daw pinagkaiba ng snowman sa snowwoman?
SAGOT: Snowballs.

*

BOY: “Regla ka ba?”
GIRL: “Bakit?”
BOY: “Kasi mahal kita!”
GIRL: “Asan yung regla don?”
BOY: “BOOM, TAGOS!”

*

Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Tuna Century
Tuna Century who?
♩♩♩ On the first day of Christmas my TUNA CENTURY. ♩♩♩

*

Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Kesha!
Kesha who?
♪♫ La Kesha LAYAW! LA Kesha LAYAW! JEPROX! ♪♫

*

Mga naniniwalang cute ka:
1. Nanay mo
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.

*

“THE EGG”
-Yun yung mga bagay na lamang ka sa kanila. THE EGG mo sila.

“TO WAIT”
-Yan yung huni ng ibon “TO WAIT… TO WAIT… TO WAIT…”

“LOVING A NAME”
-Yan yung kasunod ng labing lima at bago maglabing pito.

“SHE FEEL YOU”
-Yan yung nilalagyan ng Toothpaste.

“JACKIE CHAN”
– Di ba yun yung favorite line ni Willie Revillame? “Bigyan ng JACKIE CHAN!”

*

Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Latigo!
Latigo who?
♪♫ Latigo… Latigo… can’t hold it back anymore.♪♫

*

Conservative Na Babae
Pagdating ng mag syota sa kwarto ng motel.
BOY:  “Bakit ka nagtatakip ng mukha?”
GIRL: “Nahihiya kasi ako.”
BOY: “Bakit?”
GIRL: “Alam mo na… conservative.”
BOY: “Wow ganyan talaga ang hanap ko sa isang babae. Hmmnn.. saan kaya dito nakalagay yung remote ng tv?”
GIRL: “Dyan sa loob drawer ng sidetable sa rightside ng bed katabi nung menu ng pagkain.”

*

oOo
“Minsan kailangan natin madapa. Bakit? Wala lang…para agaw-eksena.”

 

Sunday Humor 12.06.15

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*

Use HALLOWEEN in a sentence…
“Pag nagtimpla ka ng kape, kailangan mo HALLOWEEN.”

Use PARAPHRASE in a sentence.
“Maligo ka na nga! PARAPHRASE ka!”

Use JUNE in a sentence.
“Wag June wag June may kiliti ako June wag June!”

Use PHENOM in a sentence.
“Phenom po ng tubig.”

*

TINDERA: “Sir, bili na po kayo ng kurtina.”
JUAN: “Ale, pabili nga ako ng isa, para sa compyuter ko.”
TINDERA: “Sir, bakit po para sa compyuter niyo?”
JUAN: “Ang computer ko kasi may windows eh!”

*

GIRLS:
GIRL1: “Sis you’re so beautiful!”
GIRL2: “Talaga? Thank you! Ikaw din.”
BOYS:
BOY1: “Pre, Ang gwapo mo ah.”
BOY2: “Gago ka. Bakla ka no?”

*

TANONG: Anong tawag sa malaking nunal?
SAGOT: Eh di MOLE of Asia!

TANONG: Ano daw yung apelyido ni Wendy?
SAGOT: Eh di RECTION. Wendy Rection

*

THROAT
Yan yung pag gusto mong sabihin sayo ang totoo. “Tell me the throat.”

RIPLEY
Di ba yan yung kasama nila Play, Pause, Stop, Ripley?

JULY
Yun ung kasamang binebenta ng prutas sa palengke. July at prutas. Masustansya yan sa katawan.

FALL THERE
Di ba yan yung lalagyan ng mga papel, may sliding FALL THERE, long FALL THERE and SHORT FALL THERE.

*

BOY:*tinakpan ang mata ni girl*
GIRL: “Huy, Ano to?”
BOY: “Pinapakita ko lang sa ‘yo future natin.”
GIRL:*kinilig* “Pero wala naman akong makita eh.” :(
BOY: “Exactly!”

*

“Masarap din ang tulog namin” — Langis/Oil

*

PROFILE PICTURE: Diwata.
PERSONAL: “Di ata.”

*

Ang utot ay parang Frozen
Pag nasa school:
“Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know.”
Pag nasa bahay:
“Let it go. Let it go. Can’t hold it back anymore.”

*

oOo
“Ang lalakeng mabait, napupunta sa langit. Ang hindi mabait, napupunta sa pangit.”

Saturday Humor 12.05.15

screenshot_310*

Sa tindahan:
KUSTOMER: “Pabili pong sabon.”
TINDERA: “Anong sabon?”
KUSTOMER: “FEU ”
TINDERA: *nag abot ng Champion*

*

KIDNAPER: “Magkano itutubos sa anak ninyo?”
MAGULANG: “5OO Thousand”
KIDNAPER: “Hindi pwede! kailangan may Milyon!”
MAGULANG: “o sige Kalahating Milyon!”
KIDNAPER: “O sige DEAL!”

*

Use anyhow and anyone in a sentence…
SAGOT: “Pambihira naman, sinong kumain ng anyhow na anyone ko sa mesa?”

*

Sa kantang Leron Leron Sinta ano pinakamasakit?
A. Nabali ang sanga
B. Nahulog sa puno
C. Humanap ng iba

*

Emotera Sa JEEP:
PASAHERO: “Bayad.”
DRIVER: “Ilan?”
PASAHERO: “Isa lang, laging nag-iisa’t iniiwan. Keep the change. Lahat naman ng mga efforts ko di nasusuklian.”

*

TEACHER: “Ano ang sagot sa bugtong na ito, “Ayan na, ayan na, hindi mo pa makita!”
JUAN: “Mam, mam, “TANGA?”

*

Pag sa gabi nakakita ka ng big star, ihanda mo ang camera. Pag mataas, kunan mo, baka Vega o Sirius yun! Pag sobrang mababa, wag na, Caltex yun!

*

TANONG: Saan bansa nakatira ang mga tatay?
SAGOT: E di sa TAYLAND.

*

KAIBIGAN1: “Sa ganda mong yan wala kang boyfriend?”
KAIBIGAN2: “SA PANGIT MONG YAN MERON KANG BOYFRIEND?!”

*

Knock Knock..
Who’s there ?
HIP HOP..
HIP HOP who ??
HIPHOPatawad mo, minahal kita agad …

*

JUAN:  “May PATAY nawala ang ATAY. Anong natira sa PATAY?”
PEDRO: “Anooo?”
JUAN: “Eh di Letter P.”

*

Alamat ng pandak
BOY: “Uy, ba’t ang pandak mo?”
GIRL: “Eh kasi bata pa lang ako ulila na ko.”
BOY: “Eh anong konek non sa pagiging pandak mo?”
GIRL: “Walang nagpalaki sa ‘kin.”

*

ELEMENTARY :  baby bra
HIGH SCHOOL:  baby bra
COLLEGE:  baby bra.

Oy! Kita mo nga naman may forever pala!

*

oOo

“Kung madaling mag move-on eh di sana walang traffic sa EDSA.”

Friday Humor 12.04.15

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*

PASAHERO: “Para po.”
PASAHERO: “Para po!”
PASAHERO: “Para pooo!”
DRIVER : “May bababa?”
PASAHERO: “Wala po manong sa inyo na lang ako matutulog, sobrang layo ko na eh.”

*

“THE RICH ZOO”
– Yan yung daan na hindi liko-liko, The rich zoo lang.

*

In a fastfood resto…
CREW: “Ano po order niyo?
CUSTOMER: “One large burger and one large soda.”
CREW: “Dito niyo po kakainin?”
CUSTOMER: “Puwede sa table na lang. Nakakahiya kasi may nakapila sa likuran.”
CREW: “Ayaw niyo po sa plato para di baboy tingnan?”

*

A lady was feeling unwell, so she went to her doctor.
Doctor asked if she ever had chicken pox.
“No,” she replied, “but I have had chicken nuggets.”

*

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

*

“Nobody knows I’m glad to meet you.”
Sa Pilipino?

Walang katawan, ilong, masaya akong karne ka..

Wala nang ulitan ng basa! :)

*

Sign outside a bar:
“Do not drop your cigarette butts on the floor. It burns the hands and knees of customers when they leave.”

*

After weeks of getting the cold shoulder from his wife, the unhappy husband confronted her, “Admit it, the only reason you married me is because my grandfather left me a billion dollars.”
His wife shot back, “Don’t be ridiculous, I don’t care who left it to you!”

*

Isang gabi, sinabihan ng isang lalake sa asawa niya:
“Matulog ka na! Yung eyebags mo, mas malaki na sa dede mo.”

*

TUYO…
Minsan ulam,
minsan pepe niya.

*

oOo

“Sa panahon ngayon, pagkain na lang ang masarap ipaglaban.”

Sunday Humor 11.29.15

Single Mom

Showing a photo of sunburnt skin on Instagram, Krissy Aquino called it ‘quits’ with thousand of commuters who were forced to walk several kilometers because of road closures during the APEC summit. Netizens called her post as ‘callous’ and ‘insensitive.’ Her bro, P-Noy, said, “Kapatid nga kita!”

*

Tatlong pari nag-uusap.
PARI1: “May sasabihin akong malagim na sekreto… ako’y bading!”
PARI2: “Ako naman ay may kabit… tatlo pa nga eh!”
PARI3: “Ako? madaldal lang!”

*

WAITRESS: “Do you have any question about the menu?”
CUSTOMER: “What kind of font is this?”

*

NOON: Sorry na baby, hindi ko na uulitin.
NGAYON: Bahala ka ang arte mo!

*

While having a romantic dinner at a chic resto, a lady said, “Say something that can spur my heartbeat.”
“I forgot to bring my wallet,” her boyfriend replied.

*

JUAN: “Doc,I accidentally swallowed a chicken bone.”
DOC: “Is it choking?”
JUAN: “It’s Maxs.”
DOC: “I didn’t mean Chowking. I said, are u choking?”
JUAN: “No.I’m serious!”

*

Signs You’ve Chosen a “No Frills” Airline:
You can’t board the plane unless you have the exact change.
The Captain asks all the passengers to chip in a little for fuel.
When they pull away the stairs, the plane starts to rock.
All the planes have both a bathroom and a chapel.
No movie. Don’t need one. Your life keeps flashing before your eyes.
You see a man with a gun demanding to be let off the plane.

*

Sa lugawan…
JUAN: “Isa pong lugaw!”
TINDERA: “May laman o wala?”
JUAN: “Hello? Mangunguya ko ba yang mangkok? Lagyan mo kaya ng laman!”

*

Si Juan habang naghihingalo.
JUAN: “Pare, kung mamamatay ako, wag mo ako ipasok sa kabaong.”
MARIO: “At bakit naman pre?”
JUAN: “Pawisin kasi ako baka maligo ako ng pawis eh..”

*

Alamat ng batang masarap batukan…
BATA: “Ale,may skats tape kayong tigpipiso?”
ALE: “Meron.”
BATA: “Magkano po?”

*

Arguing with a woman is like reading the software license agreement.
In the end, you ignore everything and click, “I AGREE.”

*

** Jokes above courtesy of Mike.

Tuesday Humor 11.03.15

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MIMI: “Kamusta blind date mo?”
ANA: “Bwiset, dala niyang wheels 1936 ROLLS ROYCE..”
MIMI: “Mahal na kotse at model yun…!”
ANA: “Siya ang ORIGINAL owner!”

A doctor is giving a talk at a symposium. Like any good public speaker, he wrote his speech out on note cards. Unfortunate, when his time came up to speak, he can’t read his notes. So he says to the audience, “Is there a pharmacist in the house?”

Sa garden of Eden…
ADAN: “Lord, hindi ko na kaya ang tukso sa akin ni Eba!”
LORD: “Maging matatag ka, anak! Bakit paano ka ba tinutukso?”
ADAN: “Sabi niya… “Bading! Bading!…”

If trapos who are running in 2016…

“Ipagpapatuloy ko po ang nasimulan ng aming pamilya: ang magkunwaring para sa mahihirap at magbulsa ng inyong pera.”

“Panahon na ng pagbabago! Dapat lumevel-up na ang pag-asenso! Ang mga nagawa ko sa city hall, gagawin ko rin sa palasyo: ang pagnakawan kayo.”

“Bubuhayin nating muli ang siyudad ng… Joke lang! Nakailang term din ako noon pero di ko naman nabuhay ang siyudad. Ako lang at ang pamilya ko ang umasenso.”

A man came into a church and looked for a place to sit. Seeing an empty seat, he asked the woman sitting besides it, “Is the seat next to you saved?”
“No,”
replied, “but I’m praying for it.”

JUDGE: “Why did you shoot your wife instead of her paramour?”
ACCUSED: “Your Honor, I’m sure you will agree with me that it’s easier to shoot one woman than shooting one man every week!”

May isang pari nag-illegal parking. Nagiwan siya ng note sa car: “Pari ako. Walang maparkingan. Pls. huwag mo akong tiketan. Forgive my trepasses.”
Pagbalik niya may tiket at sulat sa auto niya: “Pulis ako. Kung di kita titiketan, magkakasala ako. ‘Lead me not into temptation.’ Pero kung mag-iipit ka nang isang Roxas sa lisensya mo, baka puwede na. ‘Give us this day, our daily bread!'”

Pontius Pilate asked the crowd, “Who should I let go?”
The people yelled, “Barabbas the Thief!”
In the Philippines, two thousand years later, the people are still choosing and electing the thieves!

Sinalubong ni misis sa pinto, amoy na amoy beer sa hininga at meron marka ng lipstick sa pisngi.
MISIS: “Hoy magaling na lalake, meron sigurong magandang dahilan kaya ka inumaga ng uwi!”
MISTER: “Meron nga… Almusal! Hik!”

May wise na loro. Isang araw walang amo niya. Nag order by telephone ng mga food at appliances. Pagdating ng amo sa galit pinako ang loro sa wall katabi si Jesus na nasa krus. “Bro, umorder ka din?” tanong ng loro.

**Thank you, Mike!

 

 

oOo

“Hindi lahat ng nawawala, eh kawalan.”