Thursday Humor 09.18.14

tuna

May isang buntis na naglilihi…
ISABELA: “Gusto ko ng itim na mangga.”
PEDRO: “Eh wala namang itim na mangga.”
Naglalakad sa kagubatan, may nakita si Pedro na puno ng mangga. May bunga doon ng itim na mangga, dalawa nga lang. Pinilit ni Pedro pitasin ang itim na mangga
KAPRE: “Amang, itlog ko yan.”

Looking for a good porn – 15 minutes
Waiting for it to buffer – 7-8 minutes
Time between you cum and start of film – 1 minute
Life is tedious.

My wife is gone out for the day which means only one thing…
Porn without headphones.

Dalawang lasing naglalakad sa riles ng tren…
LASING1: “Pre, ang hirap naman netong hagdan! Andaming steps!”
LASING2: “Hindi lang yan, pre! Ambaba pa ng hawakan!”

BOY: “Tahimik ka na naman.”
GIRL: “Ha?”
BOY: “Galit ka ba?”
GIRL: “Hindi naman.”
BOY: “Di ka galit sakin?”
GIRL: “Hindi.”
BOY: “May nagawa ba ako?”
GIRL: “Wala.”
BOY: “Eh bakit hindi mo ako pinapansin?”
GIRL: “Hindi naman kita kilala eh!”

A Pakistani girlfriend keeps talking about blow-jobs to her boyfriend.
The man is confused. He doesn’t know whether to get his dick out or to warn the Department of Homeland Security.

BOY: “Miss, may FB ka?”
GIRL: “Oo, bakit?”
BOY: “Add mo ko.”
GIRL: “Sure!”
BOY: “May BF ka?”
GIRL: “Meron, add kita?”

TANONG: How do you get a watermelon pregnant?
SAGOT: You pakwan!

QUESTION: Why do women live longer than men?
ANSWER: Because the kitchen is where the knives are!

TEACHER: “How can we keep our school clean?”
STUDENT: “By staying at home ma’am!”

ANAK: “Tays! kakains nas tayos!”
TATAY: “Hoy! Tigilan mo yang kalalagay mo ng ‘S’ sa mga sinasabi mo ha ! Ano ba ang ulam?”
ANAK: “BANGU na may KAMATI, ARDINA na may IBUYA.”

Use “Bampira” in a sentence!
“Ahmm, Dodong. Pautang naman, meron ka bampira?!”

 

 

oOo

“Sa panahon ngayon, kulangot na lang ang hard to get.”

Wednesday Humor 09.17.14

punisherano

Nagpayabangan ang 2 bata.
BATA1: “Bakit wala pa kayong TV kami meron na?”
BATA2: “Sabi ng nanay ko, malapit na rin kaming magkaroon eh.”
BATA1: “Talaga! Eh bakit malapit pa lang?”
BATA2: “Siyempre, inuubo pa lang kasi si Lolo eh!”

A guy has been sleeping with a bloke’s wife and he got this text from the husband, “You go near her again and ill have you dead! Mark my words!” To which the guy replied, “8 out of 10, I’ll requires an apostrophe and a capital I.”

A wife reading an almanac.
WIFE: “Did you know that every time I breathe a man dies?”
HUSBAND: “Why don’t you use a mouthwash?”

A man has just been dumped by his girlfriend. She found him creepy because he gave a nickname to his dick. Said he, “Now that I am single again, I’ll have to take Matters into my own hands.”

ERAP: “I heard that fish is BRAIN food.”
LOI: “That’s right! You better eat a WHALE!”

On the night of their honeymoon when the newly weds were about to make love…
HUSBAND: “Hon, I’m so excited because you didn’t agree to have sex until we get married.”
WIFE: “You see, hon, I’ve developed a problem of trusting people. Had I agreed to have sex with you, you might not marry me and it would be the 13th time that I’ve been fooled!”

JUAN: “Pare, dati mayabang ako. Nagbago na ako ngayon! Humble na ako.”
PEDRO: “Ows, talaga?! I’m proud of you! Kailan nawala ang yabang mo?”
JUAN: “Simula nuong maging PERFECT ako!”

VICTIM: “My wife just tried to run me over!”
POLICEMAN: “The car hit you from behind. How can you tell it was your wife?”
VICTIM: “I recognize the laugh!”

DOKTOR: “Sir at misis, meron akong good news at bad news.”
MISTER: “Ano po iyong good news?”
DOKTOR: “Buntis si misis.”
MISIS: “Eh ano naman ang bad news?”
DOKTOR: “Sterile si mister.”

An epitaph that sounds like something from the 3 Stooges:
    Here lies Anna
    Done to death by a banana
    If wasn’t the fruit that laid her low
    But the skin of the thing that made her go.

TV host Billy Crawford went berserk in a police station in Taguig City last Sunday. Police said Billy was obviously drunk when he went wild. Or in showbiz parlance “Anne Curtis.

I asked 100 women what shampoo they preferred…
The number one answer was, “How did you get in here in the bathroom?”

**All of the above jokes courtesy of MIKE pogi. :D

 

 

oOo

“Do you know out of loyalty, hope and love, which one is the most important one? It’s loyalty. That’s why you should find a guy who can be loyal and not just one who can love.”

Thursday Humor 09.11.14

sira sira store

Para maiba naman…
1. Aanhin mo pa ang damo, kung may shabu naman sa kanto?
2. Pagkahaba-haba man ng prusisyon, prusisyon pa din.
3. Ang di marunong lumingon sa pinanggalingan, naka -kotse.
4. Ang lalaking gipit, walang pera.
5. Kung ano ang itinanim mo, siya din ang didiligin mo.
6. Ang PAGSISISI, ay di magiging champion.
7. Kahit saang gubat, ay mag-ingat.
8. Bato-bato sa langit, baka meteorite yan.
9. Kung may isinuksok, may matutusok!
10. Kapag maiksi ang kumot, itupi mo pa para mas maiksi.
11. Nasa tao ang gawa, sitting-pretty ang mga timawa.
12. May tenga ang lupa, mayroon din ang daga.

Ang Panget at ang Diwata
DIWATA: “Ano ang iyong kahilingan?”
PANGET: “Nakikita mo ang mapang ito? Dalhin mo ako sa bansang ito (New York) at sa babaeng nakalaan para sa akin.”
DIWATA: “Sorry, hanggang dito lang sa Pilipinas ang powers ko, iba na lang ang hilingin mo.”
PANGET: “Sige, maging normal na tao ka na lang at pakasalanan mo ako.”
DIWATA: “Patingin nga ng mapa na yan, at baka magawan ko ng paraan!”

TANONG: Anong fish ang gumagapang?
SAGOT: Eh di ifish.

FRIEND1: “Anong Tagalog ng bubblegum?”
FRIEND2: “Kendi”

FROG: What does my future hold?”
FAIRY: You’ll meet someone who wants to know everything about you.”
FROG: “Great! Will I meet her in a party?”
FAIRY: “No. In Biology class.”

TATAY: “Anak papasukin mo nga si Bantay.”
ANAK: “Bantay, pasok na!”
TATAY: “Langya naman ang lamya mo tumawag, bakla ka!!”
ANAK: “Eh paano po bang gusto nyong pagtawag ko?”
TATAY: “Eh di tigasan mo boses mo at takutin mo para pumasok!”
ANAK: (sa matigas na boses) “Hoy Bantay! Pumasok ka na! Sige ka may MUMU diyan!”

Eksena sa CR.
GAY: “Wow! Anlaki naman niyan.”
MAN: “Oo nga, kaso useless rin naman kase break na kami ng gf ko. Putulin ko kaya at ipakain sa aso.”
GAY: “Aw! Aw!”

“Puro kayo pekpek! Kala nyo kayo lang maganda pakinggan ng paulit-ulit!” — Titi

PEDRO: “Juan bakit mo hinihintay mahulog yung bayabas imbis na kunin mo?”
JUAN TAMAD: “Alam mo kasi, hindi lahat ng kukunin mo talagang mapapasayo,minsan kailangan mo talagang maghintay para malaman mo kung talagang para ito sa ‘yo.”
(Nagmatured na si Juan?)

TEACHER: “Juan, pag’tinanong kita dapat mabilis ang sagot mo ha?”
JUAN: “Yes ma’am!”
TEACHER: “1+1?”
JUAN: “Mabilis!”

 

oOo

“Ang puso ay parang bawang. Buo talaga, pilit lang dinudurog ng iba.”

Tuesday Humor 09.09.14

evolution-of-a-filipino-politician

Best Answer Kapag Mag-aabot ng Pamasahe sa JEEP.
1. #MedyoJinggoy na sagot.
DRIVER: “Saan galing ang P20?”
PASAHERO: “Manong, wag nyo kong husgahan please. Ang perang yan ay hindi galing sa gobyerno.”

2. #MedyoParanoid na sagot.
DRIVER: “San yung bente?”
PASAHERO: “Ano? Kaaabot ko lang nawala agad yung bente ko?”

3. #MedyoMayabang na sagot.
DRIVER: “Estudyante?”
PASAHERO: “Mechanical Engineer. 2010 Board Passer.”

4. #MedyoHarotToTheNthPower na sagot.
DRIVER: “Estudyante?”
PASAHERO: “Opo. 2nd year high school. Hindi pa nireregla pero may anim na crush na.”

5. #MedyoDumadamoves na sagot.
DRIVER: “Ilan dito sa P20?”
PASAHERO: “Dalawa po. Isang manhid at isang nagmamahal ng palihim.”

6. #MedyoHarotPart2 na sagot.
DRIVER: “Saan galing?”
PASAHERO: “Nag group study po. Tapos alam niyo ba andun din yung crush ko. Magdamag niya akong tinuruan sa math. Tapos nung nag exam kanina, zero nakuha ko. Hihihi!”

7. #MedyoDefensive na sagot.
DRIVER: “Saan galing?”
PASAHERO: “Nagmotel. 3 hours kami dun. At wag kayong judgmental please. Gumawa lang kami ng loombands.”

8. #MedyoNakahithitNgPentelpen na sagot.
DRIVER: “Saan ang baba ng bente?”
PASAHERO: “Tung-inuhhh!! Naglalakad yung bente!!”

9. #MedyoHighblood na sagot.
DRIVER: “Saan ang baba?”
PASAHERO: “Sa gitna ng kalsada. Para patay ako tapos kulong kayo.”

10. #MedyoEmoH3artZ na sagot.
DRIVER: “Ilan dito sa P20?”
PASAHERO: “Isa lang. Wag nyo na din sanang itanong kung bakit. Sanay na ako na palaging iniiwan. Kaya nasanay na rin akong mag-isa. Keep the change.”

11. #MedyoSenti na sagot.
DRIVER: “Walang barya?”
PASAHERO: “Yan tayo eh. Sobra sobra na nga ang binigay, pero parang kulang pa rin. Parang pag-ibig.”

Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
June!
June who?
Wag June! Wag June! May kiliti ako June! Wag June!

BABAE: “Hahalikan mo pa ba ako kahit na pangit ako?”
LALAKI: “Oo naman, Goodbye kiss.”

10 SIDES: Decagon
100 SIDES: Hectogon
1000 SIDES: Chiliagon
10,000 SIDES: Myriagon
1M SIDES: Gagomeganon?

TANONG: Anong english ng ATIS?
SAGOT: Eh di SISTERS.

ATOY: “Bruno, may urine test kami bukas.”
BRUNO: “Ah ganun ba.”
ATOY: “Anong gagawin ko?”
BRUNO: “Ano pa nga ba, eh di magreview ka!”

MGA NAKAKALOKO, NAKAKATAWA, NAKAKAINIS AT WALANG KWENTANG TANONG:

1. Saan ka pumupunta pag hindi ka umaalis? (Hindi nga umalis di ba?)
2. Anong ginagawa mo pag wala kang ginagawa? (Eh wala ngang ginagawa di ba?)
3. Sinong kinakausap mo pag wala kang makausap? (Siguro sarili ko, close kami eh.)
4. Ilan kayong pupunta kung wala kang kasama? (Malamang ako lang.)
5. Kung rereypin ka ng crush mo, payag ka? (May choice pa ba ako, eh rape nga yun!)
6. Nagso-softdrinks ka ba pag coffee break? (Bakit, bawal?!)
7. Ang hirap siguro bumili ng “Happy Meal” pag malungkot ka noh? (Buset ka!)
8. Nanonood ka ba ng morning news sa umaga? (Hindi, sa gabi!)
9. Paano pag wala kang bahay, saan mo gagawin homework mo? (Try mo sa sanga ng malunggay!)
10. Bakit kaya ang init pag summer? (Kasi hindi winter!)

 

oOo

“Hindi lahat ng matigas ay nasa freezer, yung iba, nasa loob ng zipper.”

Monday Humor 09.08.14

whos afraid of who

  •  

Bata bumibili sa tindahan ng “Hello” chocolate-coated wafer.
BATA: “Ate, Hello po.”
TINDERA: “Hello din!”

A wife phoned her husband.
WIFE: “I think I’m dying, please come home immediately.”
HUSBAND: “Please be sure before calling me!”

PARE1:”Pre, bwisit tong crush ko. Puro “K” lang nirereply sakin. Isipin mo yun pre, Isang letra lang!”
PARE2:”Mas bwisit yung sakin.”
PARE1:”Bakit? Ilang letters ba reply nya sa’yo?”
PARE2:”Apat.”
PARE1:”Apat naman pala eh. Ano ba sabi?”
PARE2:”SEEN”

A man was desperate when he came to a psychiatrist, “My wife doesn’t understand me!” The doctor asked, “What do you do for a living?”
The man replied, “I’m a nuclear physicist.”

DAGDAG-BAWAS!!
Dagdagan ang pagpapasalamat,
bawasan ang pagrereklamo.

Dagdagan ang pakikinig,
bawasan ang pagdadaldal.

Dagdagan ang pagbati sa mabubuting nagawa,
bawasan ang pagpuna sa maling nagawa.

Dagdagan ang pagngiti,
bawasan ang pagsimangot.

at higit sa lahat,
Dagdagan ang mga..
MISTRESSES, bawasan mahuli ng asawa.

Studies show that men who have more sex often tend to have a longer life expectancy…
Unless your wife finds out.

The wife shivered in front of the camera, after having had a bucket of iced water poured over her head.
“That was awesome,” the husband laughed. “But you didn’t nominate anyone.”
“Because I was sleeping, you fool!”
she yelled.

How to win an argument:
1. Have a vagina
2. That’s it
3. You won
4. Congratulations!

Kay Vice President Binay…
Kapag nanalo po ba kayong pangulo sa 2016, bibigyan niyo rin ba ng birthday cake ang lahat ng senior citizens sa Pilipinas? Grabe! Ang dami po nuon! Tiba-tiba, so just DOUGH it!

A survey showed 87% of women like to yell out instructions during sex. And 79% shout instructions while men are driving. Apparently, in both cases, it’s “Slow down! You’re going the wrong way!”

TANONG: Anong tawag sa Chinese na lumpo?
SAGOT: Eh di Lumpong Shanghai

TANONG: Anong tawag sa motor na masaya?
SAGOT: Eh di YamaHAHAHAHAHA!

TANONG: Anong tawag sa motor na malungkot?
SAGOT: Eh di HUHUHUHUnda!

TANONG: Bakit laging unang ginigisa ang bawang sa sibuyas?
SAGOT: Ganun talaga… alphabetical kase yan!

B0Y: “Miss, tanim ka ba?”
GIRL: “Korny mo. Sige nga, bakit?”
B0Y: “Paa mo puro ugat.”

 

oOo

“SEPTEMBER na, pero ikaw pa rin AGOSTO ko.”

Friday Humor 09.05.14

stallone

GIRL: “Joke ka naman.”
BOY: “Ok. Anong hayop ang pinagnanasaan ko?”
GIRL: “Ano?”
BOY: “COW” siyempre.”

GF: “Hihiwalayan na kita! Hindi na talaga kita maintindihan!”
BF: “M4h4L kh03! W4g m03 gh4w!n sXh4kh3n +0!”

SENYORA: “Bakit tuwing darating ako ng bahay, inaabutan kitang nanonood ng TV?”
INDAY: “Mam, ayaw ko po kasing abutan nyo ako na walang ginagawa!”

  •  

MONEY isn’t everything. It causes pain and suffering. I’m telling you this because I’m your friend and I want to take your pain and suffering. So send me your money and I will suffer for you.

MANAGER : “Miss, anong masarap na almusal dito?”
MISS : “Tapsilog, sir.”
MANAGER: “Wala na ba iba? Nakakasawa na eh. Yung medyo light lang.”
MISS: “Meron Puke, try mo, sir.”
MANAGER: “Pilya ka pala ha. May opis pa ako. Balikan kita mamayang gabi.”
MISS: “Si sir naman, PUto  na may KEso yon!”

OBAMA CARE: If you can’t afford a doctor, go to an airport – you’ll get a free x-ray and a breast exam, and if you mention Al Qaeda, you’ll get a free colonoscopy!

A THOUGHTFUL HUSBAND is one who holds the door open for his wife to carry in the groceries from the car.

TEACHER: “Simon, can you say your name backwards?”
SIMON: “No Mis.”

Pari nakarinig ng sigaw sa palengke na, “Alleluyah Alleluyah!”
PARI: “Bakit ka sumisigaw ng Alleluyah, eh wala ka naman sa simbahan?”   
MARKET VENDOR: “Syempre nag titinda ako ng luya, kaya sigaw ko “Ale Luya, Ale Luya,” ale bili na kayo ng luya!”

According to the Tax Management Association of the Philippines, Filipinos pay the highest taxes in Southeast Asia. The same study revealed the Filipino politicians were in the happiest in the region.

**All of the above jokes courtesy of MIKE.

 

 

oOo

“Not all goodbyes are sad. Example: “Goodbye, class”

Thursday Humor 09.04.14

csi 

JINGGOY: “Pa, how do you face your problem?”
ERAP: “l do not boobs it!”
JINGGOY: “Anong I do not boobs it?”
ERAP: “In tagalog, HINDI KO DINIDIBDIB!” Ang bobo mo!”

QUESTION: How does a pickpocket fall in love?
ANASWER: At PURSE sight.

MISIS: “Inday, magluto ka ng marami mamaya. Dadating ang mga amiga ko.”
INDAY: “Yes, mam! Anong klase ng luto ang gusto nyo. Iyong babalik pa sila o iyong hindi na?”

Bakit mas mahal ng Diyos ang mga lalaki kaysa babae?
Kasi ang lalaki, pinabaunan na Niya ng hotdog, may kasama pang dalawang itlog. Samantala ang babae, daing lang ang pinabaon Niya, hinati pa?

Laughter is the brush that sweeps away the cobwebs of the heart, so wear a smile wherever you are. Just don’t smile nang nag-iisa ka, iba na ‘yun, baka may makahalata!

GUY: “You’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen.”
GAL: “You just want to have sex with me.”
GUY: “And you’re smart too, I like that.”

MARRIAGE is like a comfort room. Those waiting outside are desperate to get in. Those inside are desperate to get out.

HUSBAND: (suspicious) “Ang ganda ng necklace mo ah! Di ko yata maalalang binigyan kita niyan!”
WIFE: “Ah ito? Napulot ko ito sa kotse mo kagabi!”

A report indicated Viagra can cause temporary hearing loss in men. So, guys, you can have sex, but you can’t hear the woman talk afterwards. In a related story, Viagra sales have skyrocketed.

Kapag pinadalhan mo ako ng text message para mo na rin akong binigyan ng piso. Kaya kapag pinadalhan mo ako ng isang milyon na text, huwag mo na lang ituloy, perahin mo na lang!

People say LOVE is the best feeling. But I think finding a toilet when you are having diarrhea is better.

**All of the above jokes courtesy of MIKE.

 

 

oOo

“Hindi lahat ng taong nagpapakatanga sa pag-ibig, nagtatagumpay.”

Wednesday Humor 09.03.14

How to prevent people from urinating in public—Czech Republic style

 How to prevent people from urinating in public—Czech Republic style.

Paano manligaw?
Madali lang yan. Isama mo sya sa lugar na hindi nya alam. Tapos iwan mo.

Girls, huwag ikahiya ang itim na utong.
TANDAAN: Walang tutong na utong pag patay na ang ilaw.

A man claimed that things turned ugly at his house last night.
His wife removed her make up.

A couple was making love and he dies. The medical examiner asked the wife what happened. She replies, “He was moaning and groaning and I thought he was coming, not going.”

Nearly 26% of Filipino adults were without jobs in June, according to the SWS. Those Filipinos have done nothing and haven’t accomplished anything in recent months. In fact, they have a nickname for themselves: Congressmen.

A couple who has been married for 40 years were asked for the secret of their longevity. The husband replied, “Well, we share in decision making. I let the wife make the small decisions and she lets me make the big decisions.”
The husband was then asked what big decisions he has made and he answered, “For 40 years, I can’t remember any.”

Little David was at his cousin’s wedding and asks his mother, “Mommy, why does the girl wear white?”
His mom replies, “The bride is in white because she’s happy and this is the happiest day of her life.”
David thinks about this, and then says, “Well then, why is the boy wearing black?”

Last night, I punched the wife in the mouth as I was angry at the poor dinner served.
On reflection, I may have over-reacted.
We were in a restaurant at the time.

An expert has predicted that computers will eventually replace paper altogether.
He has obviously never tried to wipe his butt with a laptop!

Ancient Chinese wisdom. Question to Confucius.
WOMAN ASKS:
”If I sleep with 3 men, everyone calls me a slut. But when a man sleeps with 10 women, everyone calls him a Real Man. How come?”
CONFUCIUS REPLIES:
”It’s very simple. When 1 lock can be opened by 3 different keys, it’s a bad lock. But when 1 key can open 10 locks, we call it a Master Key!”

The bill collector offer some advice on managing money to a guy with overdue bills. “Why do you let your wife spend so much money than the two of you make without objecting?”
“Because,” the husband replied. “I’d rather argue with you than with her.”

How to spot a TEXTER:
1. May muscle ang hinlalaki.
2. Bobo sa spelling.
3. May bangga ang kotse.
4. Laging nakayuko.
5. Naka simangot kapag di naka-send.

**All of the above jokes courtesy of MIKE.

 

 

oOo

“Ang pag ibig ay parang imburnal. Pag nahulog ka ng walang nagtulak sa ‘yo, tanga ka.”

Monday Humor 08.25.14

I came

Define AGONY: It’s like a one armed man hanging at the edge of a cliff by his only arm with his butt devastatingly itchy.
Define DEATH: Kinamot niya!

“Nakakita ka lang ng mas makakapagpasaya sa ‘yo, kinalimutan mo na ako. Naaliw ka lang nang konti, hindi mo na ‘ko binalikan. Binigyan ka lang ng pet, farm at restaurant, akala mo kung sino ka na.” – FRIENDSTER

“Kung may HISTORY kayong dalawa… pwes, past na ‘yon! Dahil may CHEMISTRY na kami ngayon!” — banat ng mga MANG-AAGAW

Kahapon nasaktan ako nang makita ko siya, di na niya kasi ako nakilala. Pero nang tinignan ko siyang mabuti, narealize ko, di ko din pala siya kilala!

Kaya pala!

3 baliw sa mental nagkwekwentuhan:
BALIW1: “Ako presidente dito!”
BALIW2: “Wala ka sa ‘kin, ako si Presidente Obama, presidente ng America.”
BALIW1: “Sino nagsabi?”
BALIW2: “Ang Diyos.”
BALIW3: “At kailan kita sinabihan?”

BOY: “Pag tayo na, magkasama nating haharapin ang mga problema.”
GIRL: “Pero wala naman akong problema…”
BOY: “Kasi nga hindi pa tayo. Wag kang excited!”

BOY: “I love you.”
GIRL: “Shut up!”
BOY: “I want you.”
GIRL: “Shut up!”
BOY: “I miss you.”
GIRL: “Shut up!”
BOY: “Ang ganda mo…”
GIRL: “Really?”
BOY: “Shut up!”

What is the difference between a wife and a prostitute?
One is a contract and the other is pay as you go. :D

Hassim, an Arab sat next to a Nun on the bus..
HASSIM: “Would u have sex with me?”
NUN: “No!” (she got off the bus..)
BUS DRIVER: “She prays every Tuesday night in the graveyard. Why don’t you dress up in a hooded robe, go to the graveyard, tell her you’re God and demand sex?”
Hasim tried this & to his suprise the Nun said, “Yes, but only if we have anal sex to keep my virginity.”
(When they are done..)
HASSIM: “Ha,ha! I’m the Arab in the bus!”
NUN: “Ha, ha! I’m the bus driver!”

Manny Pacquiao has revealed that Mommy Dionisia, 65, is in a relationship…
Thank you Mommy Dionisia for giving hope to loveless Filipinos!

Dear Crush,
Kung nakakabuntis lang ang nakaw na tingin, ang dami na siguro nating anak.

How do men sort their laundry?
“Dirty” and “Dirty but still wearable”

oOo

“Ang buhay parang rape lang iyan. Kung di mo kayang labanan. I-enjoy mo na lang.”

Wednesday Humor 08.20.14

"Free Cock!"

“Free Cock!”

Ang kaibigan, parang unan. Andiyan kapag kailangan.
Pwede mong iyakan. Pwede mong yakapin.
Kaya kapag kailangan mo ng kaibigan… bumili ka ng unan!

Kapag ika’y nasaktan, lumaban ka.
Kung ika’y nabigo, bumangon ka.
Kapag ika’y gumulong sa hagdan at nakatingin sa ‘yo lahat, huwag kang pahalata.
Tumayo ka at sabihin mo, “Pakialam n’yo?! Ganu’n ako bumaba, eh!

Ako ay may lobo. Lumipad sa langit. Di ko na makita. Pumutok na pala. Sayang ang pera ko. Pinambili ng lobo. Kung lalaki sana, naaliw pa ako.

May kasabihan tayo na ang taong maagang gumising, maraming gagawin.
Kaya para makaligtas sa mga gawain, magpatanghali ng gising!

“I tried my best to make it up to you. but you didn’t care. now that I’m gone, you want me to come back for you? you should’ve woke up earlier to see me.” – Magtataho.

“Hindi ko mawari kung saan eksakto. Pakiramdam ko, nasa gitna ako ng bangungot at delubyo. Kung sakaling makita mo ako na malapit sa ‘yo, tatawagin mo ba ako? Maglalaan ka ba ng pagod upang kausapin ako?” — Ang text back ng isang EMO sa text na, “Wer na u?”

What’s the difference between a high school student from a college student kapag nagkaron? Guess?
HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT: “Shit! Meron ako!”
COLLEGE STUDENT: “Yes! Meron ako!”

BINATA: “Miss, may payong ka ba d’yan?”
DALAGA: “Bakit?”
BINATA: “Gamitin mo na!”
DALAGA: “Bakit nga?”
BINATA: “Inuulan ka kasi ng kagandahan!”
DALAGA: “Marami bang court sa inyo?”
BINATA: “Bakit naman?”
DALAGA: “Tamang bola ka kasi!”

MELODY: “Hoy! Bakit ganyan ka makatingin sa boobs ko?”
ARMAN: “Bakit, masama ba? Eh meron akong mata!”
MELODY: “Puwes, etong sa ‘yo!” (sinampal si Arman)
ARMAN: “Bakit mo ako sinampal?”
MELODY: “Masama ba? Eh meron akong kamay!”

NOON: Babae lang ang nagpapaganda.
NGAYON: Ang mga bakla ay hindi na kailangang magpaganda.
NOON: Ang maton, puro lalaki.
NGAYON: Pati ang mga maton, babae.
NOON: Mahirap lang ang nakatsinelas.
NGAYON: Pati mayaman na. Ang mga mahihirap, nakayapak na.
NOON: Ang magtanim ay hindi biro.
NGAYON: Mahal na ang bigas, hindi na tayo makapagbiro.

oOo

“You may be sitting all alone today… but believe in the magic that someone is meant to sit beside you soon. Tapos…pag puno na…aalis na ang jeep.”