Vice Mayor Isko Moreno has resigned as traffic czar of Manila. The news came as a shock for Manileños who asked, “May traffic czar ang Manila?”
Nung pagpasok mo sa Sogo binati ka ng “Good evening, sir.”
Pero pagpasok ng GF mo napayuko sila at nagsabing “Welcome back, Master.”
A man seated on a window seat of a plane saw two engines on fire. He hollered repeatedly, “Two engines on fire!” The passengers panicked, and then the pilot ran from the cockpit wearing a parachute. “Don’t worry,” the pilot said. “I’m going for help!”
JUAN: “Tay, ang CORRESPONDENCE po ba ay dalawang R?
TATAY: “Gawin mo ng tatlo anak, para sigurado!”
JUAN: “Galing nyo talaga tay, sigurista!”
GUY: “Miss, do you have a Band-aid?”
GIRL: “Yes, why?”
GUY: “Because I scraped my knees when I fell for you.”
DATI: “Bes, wait mo me.”
NGAYON: “Bes, wet na me.”
A team of South African surgeons has performed the first successful penis transplant. When they were congratulated for the historic feat, they said, “Wala yon. Maliit na bagay.”
Alam mo ba yung feeling na inaamoy mo kili-kili mo tapos may dumating…
Kaya nagkunwari kang naka-pose!
A man passed away so his best friend visited his widow.
FRIEND: “Look on the bright side, at least he’s freed of suffering.”
WIDOW: “He wasn’t ill, he died suddenly.”
FRIEND: “I know, I meant being married to you.”
GIRL: “Alam mo, para kang payong ng buhay ko.”
BOY: (kilig much) “Dahil ba napo-protect kita?”
GIRL: “Hindi, dahil pag ikaw hindi talaga ako nababasa!”
A Jojo Binay’s biopic will have a very simple plot: from rags to suspicious riches!
JUAN: “Bakit walis ang ginagamit ng mga witch para makalipad?”
KARDO: “Masyado kasing mabigat ang vacuum cleaner kung yun ang gagamitin nila!”
*Thank you MIKE for the above SMS jokes.
“Ang love parang Nokia 3310, may snake.”