Category Archives: Daily Humor

Thursday Humor 03.05.15

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BOY: *tinakpan ang mata ni girl*
GIRL: “Huy! Ano to?”
BOY: “Pinapakita ko lang sayo future natin.”
GIRL: *kinilig* “Pero wala naman akong makita eh.”
BOY: “Exactly!”

Yung tumatawag sa’yong prinsesa NOON…
…prinsesa narin NGAYON.

The most frequent sexual position I have with the wife is the number 10.
I just lie there next to the round woman!

Nagtext si Boyfriend sa number ni Girlfriend…
BF: “Babe, PANTY ka ba?”
GF: “Bakit?”
BF: “Kasi kaw lang ang nagpa-PANTY-bok ng puso ko.”
GF: “Kaw, PANTY ka ba?”
BF: “Bakit babe?”
GF: “Mahal kasi ang PANTY-uition. Aral ka muna ha! Tatay niya to! Mag break na kayo!”

A guy got an e-mail from a “bored housewife, 32, looking for some action!”
Our guy sent her his ironings to keep her busy.

GF: “Bili mo nga ako ng napkin.”
BF: “Wow huh.. Kung makapag-utos ka kala mo nanay kita..”
GF: “Ikaw nga kung makadede ka kala mo anak kita..”
BF: “Akin na nga yung pera.. Anong klaseng napkin bah? Whisper?”

Only in the Philippines do we chain 20-peso writing pens to bank counters but leave our almost a million peso cars out on the sidewalk.

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TIKOY
BOY: “Tikoy ka ba?”
GIRL:”Baket?”
BOY: “Hmnn, wag na nga.”
GIRL:”Baket nga?”
BOY:”Wala yon.”
GIRL: “Baket nga? Eto naman..”
BOY:”Wala nga tangina! Tikoy ka ba ha?! Tikoy ka bang gago ka?! Nagpi-feeling tikoy amputa.”

If your wife catches you looking at another woman, tell her, “I’m glad you don’t dress like that!”

LIGO
Minsan Sardinas..
Minsan kailangan mo :D

PARAPHRASE
Maligo ka na nga! PARAPHRASE ka!

 

oOo

“Kapag ang tanga natuto, nagreview ‘yan.”

Tuesday Humor 03.03.15

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ANAK: “Pa, Ma, pwede na ba akong mag boyfriend?”
PAPA and MAMA: “Hindi pa! Ang bata bata mo pa boyfriend na agad iniisip mo?! Hindi pwede!”
*Biglang nagbrownout*
ANAK: “Ma, pa, samahan nyo naman ako sa kusina may kukunin lang ako natatakot kase ko eh madilim.”
PAPA at MAMA: “Ano? Ang tanda tanda mo na takot ka parin sa dilim!”

At a Sunday school class, the teacher asked a child, “do you pray to God before lunch or dinner?”
The child answered, “No ma’am, my mom’s a good cook!”

NOON: Pag tulog ka, di ka uutusan, bubuhatin ka pa sa kama.
NGAYON: Kahit puyat na puyat ka, gigisingin ka, may hampas pang kasama.

I saw this guy in an Italian restaurant ordering pizza in fluent Italian. The waiter seemed to appreciate his willingness to accept their culture.

So I tried the same thing in a Chinese resto.

I squinted my eyes and shouted, “Harro! Spesha frah raice prease!” but instead of showing appreciation, they took the upturned prawn-cracker basket from my head and told me to get out.

WIKIPEDIA: “Alam ko ang lahat.”
GOOGLE: “Nasa akin ang lahat.”
FACEBOOK: “Kilala ko ang lahat.”
YOUTUBE: “Tutorial.”
INTERNET: “Kung wala ako, wala din kayo.”
PC/LAPTOP: “Ows, di nga sure kayo?” KURYENTE: “Wow, mahiya naman kayo!”

A banker was driving his new Jaguar down the streets. He parked it and opened its door to go out. Suddenly a taxi went by and ripped the door off. A police officer saw the incident and said, “You businessmen are so involved in your possessions, you didn’t even notice that your arm was ripped off as well.”

The banker stared at where his arm was and exclaimed, “Oh no! My new Rolex is gone too!”

TANONG: Sino mas YOUNG?
— Megan Young?
— Lauren Young?
— Slater YOUNG?
Mali!
SAGOT: Eh di si Efren Bata!

Ang utot parang Frozen
Pag nasa school:
“Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know.”
Pag nasa bahay:
“Let it go. Let it go. Can’t hold it back anymore.”

“I stand behind every car I sell,” a previously owned sales representative said. “I help push it,” he continued.

“PUKI”
“Partidong Umaakibat sa mga Kalalakihang Inaapi”

A guy looking out of his house’s window saw a group of people gathered around a bloke who fell off his motorbike. He rushed over and shouted, “Out of the way!”

“Are you a doctor?” a bystander asked.

“No,” the houseowner said, “He’s delivering my pizza.”

PROFILE PICTURE: Diwata.
PERSONAL: Di ata.

 

oOo

“Kung ililipat lahat ng magaganda at gwapo sa ibang planeta, isa lang ang masasabi ko “NAKA-IMPAKE NA PO AKO””

Monday Humor 03.02.15

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TEACHER: “Bakit late ka, Juan?”
JUAN: “Late po kasi relo ko.”
TEACHER: “E di i-advance mo!”
*Umalis si Juan*
TEACHER: “San ka pupunta Juan!?”
JUAN: “Ma’am, Uwian na po!”

Pickuplines
BOY: “Alam mo para kang floor wax.”
GIRL: “Bakit naman?”
BOY: “Kasi mahal Kita eh. Ops, sorry nadulas ako.”

One rainy day at work, one of my colleagues, Tom, came across from the other side of the building to ours. To start a conversation, another colleague, Maria, asked, “Is it raining heavily outside?” Without expression, Tom said, “Sorry I did not carry a weighing scale.”

TANONG: Ano daw yung apelyido ni Wendy?
SAGOT: Eh di RECTION. Wendy Rection

A cop called his precinct.
“Hello, 6th precinct?”
“Yes.”
“This is James. I have a case. A woman shot her husband for stepping on a floor that she just mopped clean.”
“Did you arrest her?”
“No… The floor is still wet.”

TANONG: Anong tawag sa Chinese na lumpo?
SAGOT: Eh di Lumpong Shanghai.

MCDO: “Balita ko bakla ka daw?”
JOLLIBEE: “Ulol! E sino kaya sa atin naka make-up?”

TEACHER: “Class, you have 30 minutes to write a composition on baseball.”
JOHN: “Here’s my paper.”
TEACHER: “John, you only spent a minute writing your essay. Let’s hear what you wrote.”
JOHN: “Game called off on account of rain.”

THROAT
Yan yung pag gusto mong sabihin sa ‘yo ang totoo. “Tell me the throat.”

SIBAK
minsan kahoy,
minsan trabaho,
minsan pepe :p

 

oOo

“Be fearless! Fart as loud as your anus will allow!”

Sunday Humor 03.01.15

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MAMA: “Bakit ka nagdadrama mag-isa?”
ANAK: “Bakit Ma, kailangan ba by group?”

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PATIENT: “Doc takot po ako sa bunot”
DENTIST: “Eto gamot pampatapang ng loob”
PATIENT: (ininom ang gamot)
DENTIST: “Ano matapang ka na ba?”
PATIENT: “Oo doc! Puta, pag may gumalaw ng ngipin ko basag ang bungo!”

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TATAY: “Anak, Kumusta grades mo?”
ANAK: “Gustong gusto ko po yung mga subject ko, Tay. Kukunin ko nga po ulit yung iba next sem.”

A guy walked out of a club with a woman. She slipped her hands inside his pants, squeezed his cock and said, “yours or mine?”
He replied, “That’s mine!”

Si Juan at Si Dugyot nag-away.
JUAN: “Hoy Dugyot! Isa kang Polyethene! Kalimutan mo na pagkakaibigan natin!”
DUGYOT: “Anong sabi mo?! Spell mo nga!”
JUAN: “P-O-L-Y-E.. putek! Basta isa kang Plastik! Tarando ka papahirapan mo pa ko! Sipain kita dyan eh!”

ELEMENTARY: Baby bra
HIGH SCHOOL: Baby bra
COLLEGE: Baby bra.
Uy! Kita mo nga naman may forever pala!

BOY: “Babe ayoko na!! Hirap na hirap na kong intindihin ka! Hirap na hirap na ko!”
GIRL: “Bh4bve anu bhang kaxzsalan4n kquo? Pleaxzs w4g mouh akquo iiw4n! ! Ickao lhuarn sxzaphat nha. Labvcksz xue!!”

Manny Pacquiao will slug it out with undefeated American Floyd Mayweather, Jr. in Las Vegas on May 2. Mayweather will be Pacman’s toughest opponent yet since Kim Henares.

TINDERA: “Sir, bili na po kayo ng kurtina.”
JUAN: “Ale, pabili nga ako ng isa, para sa compyuter ko.”
TINDERA: “Sir, bakit po para sa compyuter niyo?”
JUAN: “Ang computer ko kasi may windows eh.”

Day off
BOY1: “Nice pre! Sexy oh!”
BOY2: “Saan?”
BOY1: “Ayun oh!”
BOY2: “Wow! Sexy nga ah. *pag harap* Ay!! day off yan, pre eh!”

 

oOo
‘Wag mong habulin yung taong walang pake sayo. Hindi ka aso. Hipon ka!”

Thursday Humor 01.29.15

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GURO: “Why are you absent?”
JUAN: “Mam,may CARDIOVASCULAR DISEASE po ako!”
GURO: “Sige i-spell mo ang sakit mo!”
JUAN: “Joke lang po,UBO lang po tlaga!”

Sa Jollibee…
BUSINESSMAN: “Excuse me, may wi-fi ba kayo dito?”
PNOY: “Naku sir ala po! But you can try our apple-fi or mango-fi sir!”

  •  

Sa harap ng Statue of Liberty…
ITALIAN: Magnifico!
BRITISH: Brilliant!
AMERICAN: Amazing!
PINOY: Picture! Picture! Pang-Facebook!

When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say, “Congrats!” But none of them come and touch the man’s dick and say, “Well done!”
MORAL: Hard work is never appreciated. Only result matters.

A guy broke up with his girlfriend and was upset. His friend said, “Don’t worry mate, there’s plenty more fish in the sea.” The guy replied, “Yeah, but it’s not just the smell I missed.”

  •  

Nuong nagkita si Bong Revilla at Dr. Elinita Binay sa Sandiganbayan…
BONG: “Ma’am, totoo bang sa inyo ang hacienda sa Batangas?”
MRS. BINAY: “Totoo bang kumita ka kay Napoles?”
BONG:
MRS. BINAY:
BONG & MRS. BINAY: “Jooooooke!!!”

A youngster was on the doctor’s operating table for a minor procedure. “Now, don’t be afraid, son,” said the father. “I will hold your hand.”
“No,”
cried the boy, “hold the doctor’s hand!”

A newspaper editor was interviewing an applicant for the slot of proofreader.
EDITOR: “I suppose you are aware of the responsibility of this job?”
APPLICANT: “Yes, sir! I know that when you make a mistake, I take the blame. Right?”
EDITOR: “You’re hired.”

Three people having sex is a Threesome, Two is a Twosome.
So next time, someone calls you “HANDSOME,” don’t take it as a compliment.

Shortly before their silver wedding anniversary, a man sent 25 long-stemmed yellow roses to his wife. A few days later, she plucked all the pedals and dried them. On the night of the anniversary, she spread the petals over the bed and lay on top of them wearing only a negligee. When he saw her, he shouted, “Are those potato chips?”

Above jokes courtesy of Mike and Will.

 

 

oOo

“Minsan ang mga babae gagalitin ka. Tapos magagalit, kasi nagalit ka.”

Wednesday Humor 01.28.15

tutanshotdog

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ANAK : “Dad, may tao sa pinto sa labas, humihingi ng donation para daw sa swimming pool ng village natin.”
DAD: “Sige, bigyan mo ng isang gallon ng tubig.”

When Mark was shopping for pet supplies, a salesman came running to him. “Mark! Mark! I just saw someone driving off with your BMW!”
“Dear God! Did you try to stop him?”
“No,”
replied the salesman, “don’t worry, I got the plate license number.”

May the coming days bring you HOPE, JOY, GRACE, LOVE & CHARITY!
Si JOY lumipat na ng bahay.
Si GRACE naman nasa dating club pa rin.
Si L0VE hinahanap ka… buntis daw.
Si Hope nanganak na, sustento daw.
Si Charity na scholar mo graduating na, dagdag allowance daw, papa!
Advance HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!

Lalake sa shota:
“Parang ahas lang ‘to, ulo pa lang mapapasigaw ka na.”

A girl in a bikini stopped me to ask directions. I just kept saying to myself, “Don’t stare at her tits, don’t stare at her tits…” Then she said, “Don’t stare at whose tits?”

GUY: “Can we have punctuation sex tonight?”
WIFE: “What do you mean, Punctuation Sex?”
GUY: “It’s where I put my semi in your colon.”

If Africa has EBOLA, the Philippines has more deadly virus called…
    .
    .
    .
    “EBULSA.”

A little man in a resto shyly touched the arm of a man putting on an overcoat. “Excuse me,” he said, “do you happen to be Mr. Juan of Manila?”
“No, I’m not,” the
man replied with picqued.
“Oh… er… well,” stutter the little man, “you see, I am and that’s his coat your putting on.”

After 12 years in prison, a man finally breaks out. When he gets home, filthy and exhausted, his wife says, “Where have you been? You escaped eight hours ago!

SA BARBERSHOP
TIBO: “Gaano katagal bago ako?”
BARBER: “2 oras pa.”
TIBO: “Ok.”(umalis..di na bumalik)
AFTER 2 DAYS
TIBO: “Gaano katagal bago ako?”
BARBER: “mga 1 oras pa.”
TIBO: “Ok.”( umalis…di na bumalik)
AFTER 3 DAYS
TIBO: “Gaano katagal bago ako?”
BARBER: “2 1/2 oras “(kinausap ng barbero si Nelson)
BARBER: “Paki sundan mo kung saan nagpunta. Tanong ng tanong di naman bumabalik.”
AFTER A WHILE, BUMALIK SI NELSON.    

BARBER: “Ano pre, saan ba nagpunta yun pag umaalis dito?”
NELSON: “Sa BAHAY mo, nagkikita sila ng misis mo!!”

**All of the above jokes courtesy of MIKE.

 

oOo

“Gusto kong magkaroon ng RELASYON na kasing tibay ng SHORTS ni INCREDIBLE HULK.”

Wednesday Humor 01.21.15

ex-husband

MY NANAY IS THE BEST TEACHER IN THE WORLD

Dahil tinuruan niya ako ng:

  • ANATOMY: “Mata ang ginagamit sa paghahanap. Hindi bibig.”
  • SANITATION: “Anong akala mo sakin, nagtatae ng pera?!
  • HISTORY: “Noong bata ako, piso lang ang baon ko. Maswerte ka pa nga.”
  • AGRICULTURE. “Kada butil ng palay na kinakain mo pinagtrabahuhan yan ng tatay mo. Ubusin mo yan!”
  • GENEROSITY: “Ibigay mo yan sa kapatid mo kundi malilintikan ka saken.”
  • INDEPENDENCE: ” Kung ayaw mo sumunod, bahala ka na sa buhay mo!”
  • ASTRONOMY: “Para kang nasa buwan kung maglakad. Bilisan mo!”
  • RELIGION: “Pag hindi mo inubos ang pagkain mo, paparusahan ka ni Lord.”
  • SARCASM: “Ano? Bakit di ka makasagot! bakit di ka masagot?” Tapos kapag sumagot ka, “At natututo ka ng sumagot ha?!”
  • MAGLAKWATSA: “Papunta ka pa lang pabalik na ako.”
  • ELECTRONICS: “You’re Grounded! Hindi ka aalis ng bahay.”
  • SELF ESTEEM: “Ayan Dyan ka magaling!”
  • LOGIC: “Pag di mo nakita, makikita mo!”
  • THEORY OF EVOLUTION: “Manang-mana ka sa tatay mong unggoy!”
  • SPORTS: “Tumakbo ka na. Pag naabutan kita, malilintikan ka!”
  • BASEBALL: “Ibabato ko sa yo tong hawak ko!”
  • HYPNOTISM. “Makuha ka sa isang tingin!”

 

BOY: “I like you.
GIRL: “Salamat sa like
BOY: “No. I really like you! I really really like you!”
GIRL: “Salamat sa FLOODLIKES.”

TANONG: Ano daw yung apelyido ni Zeus?
SAGOT: EH DI MARYOSEP.

TANONG: Sinong bayani ang nakahubad?
SAGOT: UN-DRESS Bonifacio

TANONG: Alam niyo bang kapag binaliktad niyo ang “SABAW”?
SAGOT: Matatapon ito.

MGA BAGAY NA IKINAIINIS MO:
1. Minor Subjects Na Feeling major
2. Ipis Na Ayaw Mamatay
3. Battery Low
4. Mag Syotang Naglalandian Sa Harap Mo
5. Tagged Photos Na Wala Ka Naman
6. Ref Na Tubig lang Ang Laman
7. Pinsan Na Sumbungero
8. Load Na Mahirap i-Unli
9. Classmate na Sipsip
10.Pasahero Na Ayaw Iabot Ang bayad Mo
11.Group Message Na Walang Kwenta
12.Chain Message Na Mamamatay Ka Daw Pag Di NaSend Sa 25 Tao

Showering Together:
GIRL: “Baby I want you to do bad things to me ;)”
GUY: *Puts shampoo in her eyes*

ME: “Knock knock!”
FRIEND: “Who’s there?
ME: “PBB!”
FRIEND: “PBB who?”
ME: “Spaghetti PBB, PBB ng PBB.”

 

 

oOo

“Mahirap magpaalam sa mga taong mahalaga sa ‘yo, pero mas mahirap mag paalam…PAG BADTRIP NANAY MO.”

Tuesday Humor 01.13.15

fishing

At a bar..
MAN: “Hi! I am 32. I’m a politician and I’m honest.”
WOMAN: “Hi. I’m 29, I’m a prostitute and I’m a virgin.”

A man on a bus keeps staring at another male passenger. The passenger has had enough and asked the man why he is staring. The man replied, “If it wasn’t for the mustache, you would look just like my wife.”
The passenger said,  “I don’t have a moustache.”
“No, but my wife does,”
the man replies.

GUY1: “And you mean to say that you recognized me with my new grown beard and mustache, bandage over one eye and new clothes? What gave me away?”
GUY2: “You have my umbrella.”

Gandhi was bored in heaven & wanted to have a look at hell. So he peeps thru a hole & sees Hitler in d company of beautiful, voluptuous naked girls surrounded by vintage wine bottles. Gandhi was fuming mad & disappointed. He complains about d unfair treatment. God patiently replies, “Don’t be deceived, my son. All d bottles have holes, but d girls don’t.” That’s hell!

Don’t you just love it when you’re involved in an accident and someone asks, “Are you alright?”  “Yes, fine, thanks, I’ll just pick up my limbs and be off.

Pete was dead and a friend called on his widow to express his sympathy.
“Pete and I were close friends,” he said. “Is there something I could have to remember him by?”
Shyly and tearfully, the widow whispered, “Would I do?”

A man was complaining of the extremely  cool air conditioner in his hotel room, “At night time, I wake up to hear my dentures chattering on the dressing table.”

The belligerent husband demanded, “I want to know once and for all who is the boss in this house.”
Rolling her sleeves, the wife replied, “You will be much happier if you don’t try to find out.”

I went to an ATM this morning and its screen came out with the words, “Insufficient Funds.”
I wonder whether it’s the Bank or me.

The alleged Binay estate in Rosario, Batangas has an airconditioned piggery, the second of its kind to be built in the Philippines… after the Batasang Pambansa.

Reklamo ng isang lalake tungkol sa girlfriend niya…
“Puntahan ko daw siya dahil miss na daw niya ako. Iyon pala, magpapabuhat lang pala sa baha.. Napagod nako, nangamoy isda pa ang batok ko!”

**All of the above SMS jokes courtesy of MIKE.

 

 

oOo

“Life is not a fairytale. If you lose a shoe at midnight, you’re drunk!”

Thursday Humor 01.08.15

lol

A guy told a psychiatrist, “I’m not sure if I’m a man or woman.”
The doctor replied, “Right. Just pull your pants down for me.”
The guy said no, so the shrink said, “You’re a woman!”

BOY: “May kanta ako para sa inyo ng bagong BF mo!”
GIRL: “Wow! Ang sweet mo bestpren… Anong title?”
BOY:  “Ang title ay… “Mabuntis ka sana at masira buhay niyo pareho.””

  •  

MAN1: “My father always told me that it is better to give than to receive.”
MAN2: “Was he a philanthropist?”
MAN1: “No… he was a BOXER.”

SON:  “Daddy, what happens if a condom breaks?”
FATHER: “Look at yourself.”

  •  

Paalala sa Kababaihan:
Huwag niyong pakitaan ng motibo ang mga lalake kung ayaw niyong makatikim ng embutido. :p

You know when people always say, “He escaped alive?”
How can you escape when you’re dead?

Mag-shota nakahiga sa damuhan..
GIRL: “Ang Romantic kahit ang kati ng damo.”
BOY: “Pero…”
GIRL: “Pero ano?”
BOY: “… Mas makati ka pa sa damo.”

In a drug store, a pharmacist told a customer, “Sorry, ma’am, that is impossible. We sell potassium cyanide only with prescription. Just a photo of your husband is not enough!”

QUESTION: What’s the basic difference between the case of VP Binay & that of CPNP Purisima?
ANSWER: The former involves overpricing; the latter underpricing!

LOLA: “Apo, pwede bang makahingi ng pera? Naiinip na kasi ako dito sa bahay eh.”
APO: “Lola naman, pwede ba tigilan niyo na pag ma-mahjong niyo?”
LOLA: “Hindi naman ako magma-mahjong eh, bibili lang ako ng manok.”
APO: “Ano naman ang gagawin niyo sa manok?”
LOLA:” Maglakaro kami ni Lola Petra mo ng sabong, natalo kasi ako kahapon eh.”

  •  

A wife tells her husband while watching a teleserye, “Look how much he loves her…”
He replied, “Yes, but do you know how much he’s being paid for that?”

A lady calls a drug store, “Excuse me, do you have pregnancy tests?”
    “Yes, we do,” the owner replied.
    “Are the test questions difficult?”

A girl tells her boyfriend, “After our marriage, I will let you kiss me where nobody else has kissed me.”
    “Where is that?” her man asks.
   “In Hawaii.”

At an emergency room…
DOCTOR: “There is no doubt that you have been poisoned!”
PATIENT: “For goodness’ sake, with what, Doc?”
DOCTOR: “Don’t worry, we’ll find that out during the autopsy…”

**All of the above SMS jokes courtesy of MIKE.

 

 

oOo

“Pag singkit na maputi, CHINITO. Pag singkit na maitim, PRINITO.”

Wednesday Humor 01.07.15

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Filipino Dictionary
NEVERMIND: Ang slow mo.
BASTA: Tinatamad akong magexplain.
PAPUNTA NA KO: Kakagising ko lang.
ANG LAMIG: Payakap naman.
KAMUSTA?: Miss na kita.
JOKE LANG: Pero totoo talaga yun.
OKAY LANG AKO: Hindi ako okay. Lambingin mo ko.
NASAAN KA: Nasa labas na ko ng bahay nyo!
AH OKAY: Boring mo kausap.
OH TALAGA?: Hindi ako interesado sa kwento mo.
SIGE LANG: Napipilitan lang naman ako, may choice ba ko?
BAGAY KAYO: Mas bagay tayo.
OKAY NA KAYO?: Sana kasi tayo na lang.
SUNOD NA LANG AKO: Manigas ka jan.
TRY KO: ASA KA!

At the funeral of a lawyer’s wife, people were appalled to read the tombstone: “Here lies, Katrina, wife of Atty. Juan dela Cruz, Specializes in Divorce and Malpractice suits.” After her burial, the lawyer cried. His brother said, “You should cry, pulling a cheap publicity stunt like this!” The lawyer replied, “You don’t understand, I’m crying because they forgot to include my phone number!”

According to the latest Pulse Asia survey, 6 in 10 Pinoys don’t want a second term for P-Noy.

The six were identified as Jojo, Junjun, Nancy, Abby, Anne and Elenita, all surnamed Binay.

A girl posted her status on Facebook, “OMG! Can’t help it! I’m obsess with Big Macs.”
A netizen remarked, “You made a spelling mistake.”
She replied, “Hahaha… It’s obsessed, right?”
The netizen replied anew, “No, it’s obese!”

The symptom of Ebola are sweating, weakness, diarrhea and stomach pains.
Kind of like when you see your wife going through your phone.

Napansin niyo ba?
Ang pagbabayad ng buwis sa pamahalaang ito ay parang pagbabayad ng pamasahe sa MRT na walang kasiguraduhang kung makakarating ka sa pupuntahan mo.

At a bar..
MAN: “Hi! I am 32. I’m a politician and I’m honest.”
WOMAN: “Hi. I’m 29, I’m a prostitute and I’m a virgin.”

Canta para sa panget:
“If a picture paints a thousand words,
Then why can’t I paint you…?”

 

TANONG: Ano ginagawa ni Michael Jackson sa ukay ukay?
SAGOT: Eh di bili jeans.

Married life is boring.
    The first year of marriage, the husband does the talking and the wife listens.
    The second year, the wife talks and the husband listens.
    And finally, starting the third year, they both talk and the neighbor do the listening.

A man is at a road side eating grass. A motorist pulls up in and says, “Hey! Don’t eat that. Come home with me and I’ll feed you.”
    The man replies, “I have a wife and twelve kids, can they come too?”
    The motorist said, “I’ve only a small lawn!”

Three guys were debating on what is the fasting thing on our planet.
    An Englishman says, “For me, it is our thoughts because they are immediate.”
    A French says, “It is light because it travels at the absolute speed.”
    A Pinoy says, “It’s diarrhea. Before you can think or switch the light on, you have already got your pants full.”

**All of the above SMS Jokes courtesy of Mike.

 

 

oOo

“Walang magpapaputok pag may DALAW! Advance Happy Chinese New Year!”