Mga senyales na tumatanda na ang lalaki:
1. Lumalayo ang paningin, lumalapit ang pag ihi.
2. Nakaupo’y inaantok, nakahiga di mkatulog.
3. Natatandaan angnakaraan, limot ang kasalukuyan.
4. May naisip ang itaas, walang magawa ang ibaba.
5. Dati, matigas na nghihintay, ngayon nghihintay kong kelan titigas!
A man was complaining to an airport manager, “What’s the use of a plane schedule if the planes are always late?”
The manager replied, “How would we know they are late if we didn’t have a schedule?”
A man discovered an old lamp on a beach. He rubbed it and a genie popped out. The genie said, “I will grant you three wishes. The only condition is that you cannot wish for more wishes.”
“Alright,” said the man, “I wish for more genies.”
LALAKE: “Alam mo, lumakas ka!”
BABAE: “Hah? Ano lumakas? Strength ko ba?”
BABAE: “Eh ano?”
LALAKE: “Lumakas PUTOK mo.”
Visiting the modern art museum, a lady turned to an attendant standing nearby. “This,” she said, “I supposed, is one of the hideous representations you call modern art?”
“No, ma’am,” replied the attendant. “That one’s called a mirror.”
BF: “Sweetheart, kiss mo naman ako sa bayaG!”
GF:” Ang bastos mo naman!”
BF: “Hindi ah! Ang sabi ko,
“Kiss mo ako SABAY HUG!”
Oh, anonG bastos doon?”
At a trial…
HUSBAND: “Your Honor, my wife is just being ridiculous. Most women would love to have a husband who still believes in chivalry and I was only opening the door for her out of chivalry.”
JUDGE: “Sir, I am granting the separation. I cannot believe chivalry was your motivation while driving at 100 kph.”
After 22 yrs of budget living & forced savings…
HUSBAND: “Honey, finally we have saved enough to buy the BMW we started saving for in 1992.”
WIFE: “Is it the latest BMW?”
HUSBAND: “No.. its a ’92 model.”
CUTE THINGS TO CALL YOUR PARTNER:
5. 1/2lb butter
7. Pour into pan
8. Preheat to 375°
Nauso lang ang camera360, pati ang ulam di pinatatawad ng mga ibang tao. Ano gusto nilang i-comment natin?
“Uy, ang kinis naman nung tuyo.”
“Pumuputi yata yung champorado mo ah.”
Hindi naman talaga kami babaero. Pero bintang kayo nang bintang. Naririnig pa ng mga kaibigan, kamaganak at kapitbahay.
Kaya napipilitan na lang kami mambabae kasi ayaw namin kayo mapahiya.
BABAE: “Napakadami mong babae! Sabihin mo nga sakin, sino ba talaga ang laman ng puso mo?”
LALAKE: “Malay ko, ikaw lagi may dala eh.”
Hindi ka maganda, malaki lang ang boobs mo.
Isa kang susogenic.
Tandaan: Ang cleavage ay sandata ng pangit.
BOY: “Pikit ka! GANYAN KADILIM MUNDO KO PAG NAWALA KA.”
GIRL: “Amuyin mo hininga mo! GANYAN KABAHO MUNDO KO PAG NAGSALITA KA.”
**All of the above jokes courtesy of MIKE.
“Mabait kapag tulog. Tahimik kapag busog. Ganyan ka.“