SMS Jokes For Today 12.10.07

  • A Chemistry teacher asked a sexy student, “What are NITRATES?
    The student replied shyly, “Ma’am, sa motel po.
    NITRATES are higher than day rates!”
  • Usapan ng dalawang mayabang…
    Tomas: Ang galing ng aso ko! Tuwing umaga, dala niya ang dyaryo sa akin.
    Diego: Alam ko..
    Tomas: Ha? Paano mo nalaman?
    Diego: Ikinukuwento sa akin ng aso ko.

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SMS Joke For Today

Ano ang sinabi ni Dr. J.P. Rizal kay Inday.

Rizal: “Inday, ang hindi magmahal sa sariling wika ay masahol pa sa halimaw at malansang isda.”

Inday: “Thank you for your wonderful word of wisdom, but dont you know that i already read all your writings, unfortunately i was really disappointed, because majority of your novels were written in spanish and latin. So therefore, you are the ultimate violator of your own aphorism.”

Rizal: “Yabang mo…”


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SMS Jokes For Today 10.23.07

  • EMPLEYADO: “Boss, namatay pala yung manager natin, pwede kayang ako na lang pumalit sa pwesto nya?”
    BOSS: “Pwede naman … ewan ko lang kung papayag ang funeraria.”

**SMS sender: Silentnewbie

  • Birthmonths and their meanings:
    * January – seloso/selosa
    * February - mahirap mahalin, moody , katok
    * March – sweet, may konteng arte, seloso/selosa
    * April - pasaway, makulet, simpleng malibog
    * May – honest, minsan nangangaliwa
    * June – lover, user, playgirl/playboy
    * July - stick to one, tama lang
    * August – mahilig sa sex
    * September – takot magmahal at masaktan, simpleng malibog
    * October – di kontento sa isa, bolero/bolera
  • * November -serious, sweet, lover, intelligent
    * December - mapagmahal, babaero
    Uy, tama ba yung sa ‘yo?

**SMS sender: wow_kalabaw

  • APAT na uri ng pala-utot:
    1. MAPAGKUNWARI: uutot ng tahimk at pagkatapos eh aastang inosente, magbibintang pa!
    2. MAHIYAIN: uutot ng mahina tapos ngingiti.
    3. MAYABANG: uutot ng malakas, tapos balewala sa kanya na narinig ng lahat ang utot nya!
    4. MALAS: susubukan umutot pero tae ang lalabas…

**SMS sender: Unoprimero

  • MagBF nag uusap sa tabing dagat.
    GIRL: “Hon, ano zodiac sign mo?”
    BOY: (nag isip sya dahil bobo di nya alam) “sa yo muna, hon.”
    GIRL: “zodiac sign ko, Cancer.”
    BOY: “sa akin Ulcer?! “
  • PRIEST: “Anak, , me gusto ka bang sabihin bago i-switch on ang electric chair?”
    CONVICT: “Father, wag nyo po sana bibitiwan ang kamay ko hanggat di pa ako namamatay, please…”

  • What is Malicious?
    Answer: When you put the kanang sapatos on the kaliwang paa and the kaliwang sapatos on the kanang paa. Malicious di ba?
  • “It’s better to cross the line and suffer the consequences than to just stare at the line for the rest of your life.” — rules sa patintero

**SMS sender: Smythballs

Tipping — Out of Control?

SMS Jokes For Today 10.20.07

WIFE: “Doc, bakit lumalabas ang mga ugat sa titi ng mister ko?
DOC: “Varicose veins yun!”
WIFE: “Anong cause nun?”
DOC: “Pareho din sa legs mo, inuugat pag laging nakatayo.”

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Mga tips para di ma-offend ang iyong minamahal kung . . .

Madumi kuko: “Sweetheart, meron ba kayong bukirin?”

Pasmado: “Babes, ilang % ang shares mo sa NAWASA?”

May muta: “Sugar, have you been crying all day?”

May putok: “Hon, related ka ba kay yilmaz Bektaz?”

and finally,

Bad breath: “Darling …humihinga ka ba o umuutot? just askin…”

**sms sender: smythballs

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Body Piercings … More than Fashion?

SMS Jokes For Today 10.11.07

  • Girl: “Bakit mo ba ako gusto ligawan?
    Boy: “Kasi mabait ka. Pino ang kilos. Hindi mahalay magsalita at higit sa lahat, mahinhin ka.”
    Girl: “Wussshuu. Malaki ba titi mo?”
  • Titser:”Ano ang past tense sa laba?”
    Boy1: “Naglaba, maam!”
    Titser: “Ang present?”
    Boy2: “Naglalaba!”
    Titser: “Tama! Ano ang future tense?”
    Boy3: “Magsasampay!”

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SMS Jokes For Today 09.26.07

  • May matandang chickboy…
    One day he was asked, “Nasan yung ipinagyayabang mong sex appeal? Pakita mo nga!”
    Matanda: “Ay sus! Nasa Metrobank at BPI!”

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  • Lady: “Father, ang guwapo at cute mo naman! Bakit ka pa kasi nagpari?”
    Priest: “Dahil ayaw pumayag ng magulang ko na mag madre ako! Bruha!”

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  • Confucius says: “Choose a man with a small hand…When he touch ur breast it will look BIG!!”

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SMS Jokes Atbp.

  • APO: “Lolo, naka lipstick ka?”
    LOLO: “Ha? bakit apo?”
    APO: “Eh kasi po lolo, lagpas lagpas.”
    LOLO: “Walanghiya yang lola mo, hindi nya sinabi may regla pala sya! Syet! Syet!”
  • What fruits best describe a woman’s flower?
    Answer: Durian. Why? Smells like hell but taste like heaven!
    How about for men?
    Answer: Santol. Why? Sarap sipsipin pero di kayang lunukin!

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SMS Jokes For Today 08.25.07

  • HUSBAND: “Honey, bakit laging itim ang panty mo? Meron bang ipinagluluksa ang kiki mo?”
    WIFE: “Meron, gago! Dahil laging patay ang titi mo, ayuf ka!”
  • MR: “MGA WALANGHIYA! TAKSIL! $%#@&! Hihiwalayan na kita! MALANDI!”
    MRS: “Patawad! hu!hu!hu!”
    MR: “At ikaw lalaki, pwede bang huminto ka muna habang kinakausap ko kayo?!”
  • PEDRO: “Miss, pabili nga ng ballpen.”
    MISS: “Sorry po sir, wala kaming ballpen.”
    (inis na lumabas si Pedro sa tindahan)
    PEDRO: “Pambihira! Penshoppe walang ballpen!”

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