SMS Jokes 31

“Pareho lang kaming MASAMA.
Ang pinagkaiba lang namin :
Sa akin, ugali..
Sa kanya, mukha!” -Anabelle Rama vs. Aling Dionisia-

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What kind of Bees make honey?
Honey Bees!
What kind of Bees make Milk?
BOOBIES! 🙂

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The  4 liquid stages of life s best illustrated by their containers.
Stage 1 baby bottle
Stage 2 soft drink bottle
Stage 3 beer bottle
Stage 4 dextrose bag

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SMS Jokes 30

Kapag walang bolpen, walang notes.
Kapag walang notes, walang pag-aaral.
Kapag walang pag-aaral, walang diploma.
Kapag walang diploma, walang  work.
Kapag walang work, walang pera.
Kapag walang pera, walang pagkain.
Kapag walang pagkain, magugutom.
Kapag nagutom, papayat.
Kapag pumayat, papanget.
Kapag pumangit, walang  gf/bf.
Kapag walang gf/bf, walang asawa.
Kapag walang asawa, walang  anak.
Kapag walang anak, madedepress.
Kapag nadepress,  magkakasakit.
Kapag nagkasakit, mamamatay ka.
Kapag namatay ka, wala ka na.
Kaya, ingatan mo yang ballpen mo!

_______

Bakit walang kulay ang utot?  Kasi, kung meron, mawawala yung thrill
nang paghahanap kung sino ang umutot.

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SMS Jokes 29

Question: Bakit galit na galit si Krista Ranillo sa Simbahan?
Answer: Kasi laging sinasabi “LOVE OF MANNY IS THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL”.

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MAM: Inday, c Mam mo ‘to! Nabangga ang kotse ko! I need cash!
INDAY: Aru! Aru!
MAM: Gaga! C Mam mo talaga ito. Teka bakit ka aru ng aru dyan?
INDAY: Kasi c Ser kinakagat ang dede ko! Aru!!

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WIFE: How have you managed to get home so early today?
Husband: My boss lost his temper with me and shouted ”GO TO HELL!”

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SMS Jokes 28

This Christmas, may you be…
showered by men or be showered by men or be with men in showers.
Basta…many men and many showers!

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It was X’mas n the judge was in a good mood as he asked the accused, “What are you charged with?”
“Doing my X’mas shopping early, sir,” replies the accused.
“Well, that’s not a crime. How early were you doing this shopping?”
“Before the store opened,” said the accused.

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She takes off his pants and gently whispers ”Make me feel like a woman…”
He smiles, picks up his pants, hands them to her and says, “GO… WASH IT…”

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SMS Jokes 27

Private thoughts:
“Gaano man kaganda, Kabait, At Katalin0 ni Jinkee…Talo pa rin sya ng malanding tulad ko.” - Krista

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A GOLFER’S DREAM
A woman kisses his balls every morning to make his putter rise.
Good Luck, Mr. Golfer! Fore-play na!

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A Filipino family Rcived d Coffin of their dead father sent by their aunt based in San Francisco USA wid a letter in d Coffin –

I am sending Dad’s body & w/ it d Gifts u had askd 4. Under hs body R 12 packs of Chocolates,10 packs of Gums & 8 packs of Almonds.

Dad s wearing a pair of Nike shoe 4 Chito & a Baseball hat 4 Peter. Dr R 2 Bags 4 Maira & Rachel in each arm. Father s wearing 6 Shirts & Socks 4 d kids & d 4 Jockey underwears he s wearing R 4 Jr. Harold’s ring is on d left hand & Ronald/Bernard’s watches on each arms. If dr s any thing I missed out,Pls let me know bcoz mother s also vry sick. Bye 4 now. Lots of luv… Ur Aunt Julie!!:-P

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SMS Jokes 26

At MGM GRAND HOTEL
RECEPTIONIST: Excuse me Sir, wil u b staying here for a week?
AMERICAN: im afraid not!
RECEPTIONIST: How bout u sir?
PACQUIA0: im not afraid!

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Garchi: Kahit na retired na me, mam, if u need my expertise, just call me b4 election proper.

GMA: No, thanks. Pampanga is my home teritory. No more FPJ to rival me.
Garchi: Mam, u r not sure of ur kabalens.
GMA: Ok copy. Texting lang tayo para walang makamonitor.

Garchi: Cge, mam. Gamit tayo codenames.

U, “Beauty”. :-*
Me, “Beast”. :@

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WOMEN:
18-22: like Africa, half-discovered, half-wild, fertile & naturally beautiful
23-30: like Europe, well developed, open to trade for cash
31-35: like India, hot, relaxed
36-40: like France, gently aging, still a nice warm place to visit
41-50: like England, glorious & conquering past
51-60: like Israel, been through wars & doesn’t make same mistakes
61-up: like Tibet, only adventurous spirits visit
MEN:
1-90: like Iran, ruled by a prick

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SMS Jokes 25

DIONISIA: Manny, sabi nila sa labas, pangit daw ako.
MANNY: Ma, alam mo ang kagandahan ay nasa loob. Kaya huwag ka ng lumabas!

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A woman complained of a purple discharge from her vagina. She thought it might have something to do with the IUD that her doc had given her.

“I followed all the instructions to the letter,” she told her doc, “and used it with the jelly.” When asked what kind of jelly she used, she said, “grape”.

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Love is just a gamble
Kung minsan may naghahabol
Kung minsan walang pumapatol
Kung minsan may humahagulhol
Dahil pinasok ng ulol
Ang kanyang hole!

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SMS Jokes 24

Teacher: Give me the opposite of this sentence….

“CHILDREN IN THE DARK MAKES MISTAKES.”

Juan: Mistakes in the dark can make children!

SMS Jokes courtesy of Kups Spuk

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Everytime u miss me, just put ur right hand in front oyour heart……close ur eyes….and feel the beat…. …Ready?
BAYANG MAGILIW…..handa awit!

SMS Jokes courtesy of Kups Spuk

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WIFE: If I dismiss the cook & make the meals myself for a month, how much will you pay me?
HUSBAND: I won’t have to pay you, you’ll claim my insurance by then!

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MISTER: Darling, para maka-ipon tayo, pag mag ma-make love tayo, maghuhulog ako sa alkansya ng 100 piso.

(Pagkatapos ng isang buwan)

MISTER: Aba, swithart, bakit 10,000 piso na ung nasa alkansya?
MISIS: Eh hindi naman lahat ng lalaki kuripot na katulad mo.

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SMS Jokes 23

Man1: mahilig ka ba sa mga babae na malalaki bubs?
Man2: hinde.
Man1: e yung mga babaeng mataba at malaki ang pwet?
Man2: lalong hindi.
Man1: baka naman mahilig ka sa mga panget na babae?
Man2: hindi ah.
Man1: e baket mo gi-ni-jerjer yung asawa ko?

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Hirap nito! Daming text messages!
Napapagod na ako sa kababasa. Puede ba sa susunod magpadala naman kayo ng
Load
Bigas
Ulam
Pera

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Isang GRO umuwi sa bahay at may naghihintay na 5 lalaki.
GRO: Uhmm… pagod ako, buong gabi akong nagtrabaho… kaya ang isa sa inyo dapat umuwi muna.

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SMS Jokes 22

GIRL1: Nakipaghiwalay na ko sa boyfriend ko.
GIRL2: Bakit ka naki pag-break?
GIRL1: Gago talaga yon. Maganda at sexy daw ako sabay patay nung ilaw.

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Woman at 18 is lyk a football where 22 men run after her..
at 28,she is lyk a basketball,where 10 men run after her..
at 38,she is lyk a golf ball where 1man is after her..
and at 48 she’s lyk a tennis ball,where 2 men are pushing her to the other..

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A guy walks into a drugstore operated by a prudish woman. He asks, “Can I have a dozen condoms, Miss?”
“Don’t Miss me, mister.”
“Well, then, you better make it thirteen.”

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