SMS Jokes 21

Man1: Mula nang mag-away kami ng misis ko, hindi pa ako kumakain. Tuwing nag-aaway kami hindi ako makakain e.
Man2: Talaga?! Sobra ka naman. Huwag ka masyadong sensitive.
Man1: Hindi yun e. Tuwing mag-aaway kami, tinatago niya pustiso ko!

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Wise saying:
let the wind blow through your hair,†while you still†have some…

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GIRL: Mirror, mirror on the wall make my bust grow to 44. (Boom! It grew!)
MAN: Mirror, mirror on the wall, make my dick reach the floor. (Boom! His legs became short.)

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2 women waiting 4 d bus,w/c was running late. Aftr som tym: 1ST WOMAN: u kno, I’v bin siting hir so long, my butt fel asleep! 2ND WOMAN: I kno!I cld hear it snoring!

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3 Bagay Ginagawa Ng Kababaihan Sa Honeymoon:
1. Umiyak dahil masakit.
2. Humahalinging dahil sa sarap.
3. Tahimik dahil may nakasubo.

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Confucius says:
“Erection is like theory of relativity, the more you think about, the harder it gets.”

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Ano ang difference ng LIBAG sa LIBOG?
Ang Libag pag remove sa body ng guy, dumudume ang banyo.
Ang Libog pag na remove sa body ng guy, dumudulas ang banyo.

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People wasted a lot of time talking about which came first, the chicken or the egg.
But it was surely the COCK!

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An admiral asks a young lady officer how she felt in the Navy.
Lady: Very well, sir, whole day passes in saying ‘yes sir, yes sir!’ & the whole night in saying ‘no sir, no sir!’

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Have u heard of a really great salesman?
Well, our hero is a guy who can actually make his wife feel sorry for the girl who lost her panties n bra in his car.

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Common Symptoms of Swine Flu:
1. High fever
2. Upset stomach
3. Occassional cramps
4. Irresistible urge to fuck in the mud!

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When a man takes off his pants in a hotel room, the first thing he hangs out is the DO NOT DISTURB sign!

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Officer: madam swimming is prohibited in this lake.
Lady: then why didn’t you tell me when I was removing my clothes?
Officer: well, that’s not prohibited. Ł

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2 blacks talking.

one sez, “u notice aftr sex w/ a white woman, ur eyes burn, ur nose burns & u got all teary-eyed?”

2nd guy sez, “ya, always. Its the pepper spray!”

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ALL OF THE ABOVE SMS JOKES courtesy of MIKE

SMS Jokes 20

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Sen. Mar Roxas has officially filed his certificate of candidacy for vice president. Korina Sanchez is now an official candidate for Second Lady of the land!

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Gibo & Edu-lover boys
Noy/Mar-Mama’s boys
Gordon/Bayani-li’l boys
Villar/Loren-Tondo boy & Caca girl
Erap/Binay-kanto boys &
Jamby…I’m a Boy!

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MISIS: Honey, wala ka bang napapansin sa akin?
MISTER: Ano yun?
MISIS: Salatin mo, wala na akong panty. Hi..Hi..Hi..
MISTER: Hayan.. Hayan ang ginawa mo.. Tapos, angal ka nang angal pag kinabagan.

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GIRL: Goodnite kiss naman (sabay pikit)
Boy hinalikan si girl sa pusod.
GIRL: Bakit naman kiss sa pusod?
BOY: Tiningnan ko lang kung ano una mong ibubuka, kung ang mga mata mo o mga legs mo!

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BOY: necking tayo, hon.
GIRL: ayoko. sige, ibalik mo na yang neck mo sa pantalon mo.

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“Dear Mr. Grim Reaper,

So far this year you have taken away my favorite singer, Michael Jackson, favorite actor Patrick Swayze, & †favorite actress FarrahFawcett.

Just so you know…

My favorite politician†is Ate Gloria!

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The only trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that
you never get a chance to prove it!

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A wife catches her husband masturbating under the shower and approaches him.
The husband said, “Oh dear, it was so dirty that I had to rub it so hard… it almost hurts!”

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SMS Jokes 19

Patient: Doc, tama kayo. After two months nakapaglalakad na ko.
Doc: Sabi ko sayo two months makakalakad ka na.
Patient: Tama, doc, binenta ko yung kotse ko pambayad sa inyo.

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CLIENT: Atty, ang plastic surgery ko ay palpak. Pag malamig, mukha ko ay kulubot, pag mainit naman, ito ay lupaypay.
ATTORNEY: Habla natin ang doctor nagumawa! Di dapat sa betlog mo kinuha ang inilagay nya na balat sa mukha mo!

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An Appeal from a flood victim:
Nabaha po kame! Nais ko lang po ipabatid na tumatanggap kame ng tul0ng kahit kunting relief g0ods tulad ng ref, tv, s0fa, microwave at dvd player.. Padagdagan din ng din0rado or jasmine rice, wala na rin po kaming tubig, pwede na po yung wilkins o dr. Edwards.. At kung pwede po ay kunting damit na rin, tulad ng lac0ste, guess,gi0rdan0 pwede na din kahit bench lang.. Malaking tul0ng po yun… Salamat po!…

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Woman at 18 is lyk a football where 22 men run after her..
at 28,she is lyk a basketball,where 10 men run after her..
at 38,she is lyk a golf ball where 1man is after her..
and at 48 she’s lyk a tennis ball,where 2 men are pushing her to the other..

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Q: Why is it good for young boys to read Playboy and Penthouse?
A: Because it improves hand-eye coordination!:)

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SMS Jokes 18

MOM: Iho, ibalik mo ng maaga ang anak ko. Huwag na kayong magpunta sa kung saan-saan. Delikado ang panahon ngayon.
BOY: Don’t wori po, sigurado by 10 PM nasa kama na po ang inyong anak.

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Mister: Gandang umaga, nanay ng aking†limang anak!
Misis: Gandang umaga†din, tatay ng aking†tatlong anak!

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QUOTE OF THE DAY:

Never judge a girl†by her clothes she†wears. There may†not be enough evidence.

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Baket nag li-lipstick ang mga babae???
Para warning ito sa mga lalaki na…
Warning! Wrong Hole!

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SMS Jokes 17

Girl1: musta ang bagong kasal?
Girl2: ayoko ugali ng asawa ko, biro mo nag-la-lovemaking kami, may kumatok sa pintuan at bumangon siya at tiningnan kung sino yon.
Girl1: talaga, bitin ba?
Girl2: hindi, sana nga pero sinama niya ko sa pintuan!

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QUOTE OF THE DAY:
“If your boss says nothing is impossible, ask him to wear…
a condom after sex.”

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A woman once said dat a man is like a deck of playing cards…
u need:
A Heart to love him,
A Diamond to marry him.
A Club to smash his fucking head in, &
A Spade to bury the bastard.:-P

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Turns out one of the robbers n Greenbelt Heist was the 1st cousin of mayor Saldivar. Sought for comment, Sadivar said, “E ano ngayon? Si Mike nga, asawa ng presidente.”

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Boy watching film on childbirth shockingly asked his mom: “you mean i came out of there?”
Mom: yes, why?
Boy: wow, God really loves me. A few inches more and i could have been SHIT!”

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THE GOOD NEWS: There are many ways on how to argue with women.
THE BAD NEWS: None of them works!

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You know a man is inexperienced when he rips off a girl’s bra then bites her ears!

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If you love someone, do not touch his hands.
Hold his hands, put it in your boobs, search for nipples, slightly squeeze it to make you horny.
Akala mo na maman love notes no?Ł

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Location Map:
SEMINARY to the left.
CONVENT to the right.
ORPHANAGE in the center.

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In Thailand, when males reach the age 18, they participate in a ceremony where they stand naked in a large circle facing inward.
A beautiful naked girl does a sexy dance in the center of the circle.

Behind each man is a beautiful naked girl. As soon as the men have erections, the girls behind them reach through their legs, pulk their erect penises downward and release them. Their penises spring back and go “WHAP” against their bellies, a measurement of their masculinity’s strength. Perhas that’s why the country’s capital is called Bangkok!

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Tekyo: Botchoy, binabalaan kita! tigilan mo na ang pngli2gaw sa anak ko!
Botchoy: ano nman ang msama doon? eh pareho nman kaming binata?

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Isang obscene phone call..
Boy: Ahhh… kung mahuhulaan mo kung ano ang hinahawakan ko sa isang kamay, ibibigay ko yun sayo.
Girl: Bastos! Walanghiya ka! pero kung isang kamay lang ang panghawak mo, walang kwenta yan, bansot!

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ALL ABOVE SMS JOKES courtesy of MIKE