QUESTION: Why are Vegetarian women speechless during sex?
ANSWER: Because they are in a shock that a piece of meat give them so much pleasure!
* * * *
12 seminarians to be ordained lined up with a tiny bell attached to their dick. A sexy nude girl danced before each of them. If the bell rings, no ordination.
For the first 11 seminarians, no bell rang. For the last seminarian, his bell rang very loud and fell off to the ground. He bent over to pick it up, exposing his dick. Suddenly…
ALL THE OTHER BELLS RANG! 
* * * *
A guy goes to a pub & sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:
Cheese sandwich: $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
Hand Job: $10.00
He beckons one of the 3 attractive & sexy waiters.
“Yes?” she inquires with a knowing smile. “Can I help you?”
“I was wondering, whispers the guy, “Are you the one who gives the hand-job?”
“Yes,” she purrs, “Indeed I am.”
The man replies, “Well wash your damn hands, I want a cheese sandwich!”
* * * *
She said, “Kiss me, doctor!”
Doctor said, “I can’t as we doctors have an ethics standard that does not allow us to kiss our patients, in fact, I really shouldn’t be fucking you.”
* * * *
If you are an animal, what would you be a RABBIT SNAIL?
Rabbits are the most sensually active animals and can have sex as many as 40-50 times a day!
Snails live up to 80 years and will have sex only once in their lifetime, but its orgasm last for 18 hours.
Would you go for quantity or quality?
Tough choice ha!!
* * * *
2 magkumpareng walang magawa..
Pare1: pare, laro tayo! kada sabi ko ng 1 prutas, bubunot ako ng 1 buhok mo sa baba…
Pare2: cge pre! tapos kada sabi ko naman ng 1 warrior bubunot din ako sau. game!
Pare1: apple
(bunot ng 1)
Pare2: achilles!
(bunot ng 1)
Pare1: mango!
Pare2: odysseus!
Pare1: (kelangan kong makalamang..alam ko na!) 4 seasons!
(nakabunot ng 4)
Pare2: a ganun a.. eto sayo..
SPARTANS!
(nakabunot ng 300) kalbo ka ngayon!
* * * *
Two secretaries around the office’s water cooler.
Girl1: I just don’t know what to do. That good-looking guy in finance asked me out on a date. Should I go?
Girl2: Oh, my God! He’ll wine you, dine you, and then use any ruse to get you up to his appartment. Then he’ll rip off your dress and you’ll have fantastic sex?
Girl1: What should I do?
Girl2: Wear an old dress.
* * * *
In remembrance of Michael Jackson, all men should take a moment of silence, put their hands on their crotch, and just beat it!
* * * *
ALL ABOVE SMS courtesy of MIKE
