PULUBI: Palimos po sir!
MAN: Alam mo ba na illegal ang mamalimos?
PULUBI: Hobby ko lng to sir!
MAN: Anong hobby?
PULUBI: Collecting coins!

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“Kung hindi mo ko kaya seryosohin, ngayon pa lang itigil na natin ito.” – Studies

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“Huwag kang mag-inarte kapag wala ka nang makain.” – BAGO ONG

talbog si Bob Ong

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PEdr0:bakiT jaN ka nagHihiLam0s sa iNid0r0?!
Juan: bAkIT? MaLiNis naMan aT maLinaw yuN tubig dito aH!
Pedro:0o ngA. Jan ngA ako uMiin0m e. Tapos hihiLaMuSan m0 Lang! Wag gaNuN mEn! Kadiri ka Eh!

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Johnny santos of juan santos law office has 2 sons who just passed d bar recently. His law office s now named, TODOS LOS SANTOS LAW OFFICES.

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MAHUMALING ka sana sa ganda ng umaga..
MASABIK sa kapayapaan..
at MAHAYOK sa saya..
IBAON at HUWAG ng HUGUTIN..
ang problema..
upang ROMANSAHANIN ka at PALIGAYAHIN ng umaga kay GANDA!

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LOLA: Lab, what do you think about sex?
LOLO: Well, at the age of 8, I ignored it.. at age 18, I experienced it.. at age 28, I was looking for it.. at the age of 48, I begged for it.. at the age of 68 I prayed for it..
& now at the age of 78…
Ano nga ulit pinaguusapan natin?

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DRIVER: yung mga pangit pwede ng bumaba. may checkpoint kasi sa unahan, pabor lang.
PASAHERO: tapos, kuya? sino na pong magda-drive ngayun?

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Sa police station…
Pulis: Anung itsura ng suspek?
Witness: Naka orange po sya at dilaw ang buhok…
(iginuhit ng newbie artist at pinakita sa hepe)Artist: Hepe, hndi natn kyng hulihn 2…
Hepe: Bakit hndi?
Artist: Dilaw ang buhok at nka orange.. Kung di si Naruto, si Goku to…

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At an international beauty pageant..
INTERVIEWER: Ms. Spain, how do you describe a male organ in ur country?
MS. SPAIN: Like our very own Bullfight or Toro.
INTERVIEWER: How can you say so?
MS. SPAIN: Because it charges every time it sees an opening…
INTERVIEWER: Ms. Iran, how do you describe the male organ in ur country?
MS. IRAN: They are like thieves..
INTERVIEWER: Why so?
MS. IRAN: They like to enter through the back door…

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“Walang pagsidlan ng kaligayahan ni Elias…

Matapos ang magdamagang paninibasib, animo’y tupang nahimbing habang nakaguhit ang matamis na ngiti sa kanyang labi.

Ako nama’y nagbabantay sa buong magdamag, nakasandal sa maalab niyang dibdib, dinig ang bawat pintig ng kanyang puso.

-CRISOSTOMO (sinaunang bakla)

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Rolling brownouts have hit Eastern Metro Manila. The government has apologized to the residents of the affected areas and vowed to immediately finish the ongoing “election dry run.”

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4 insurance firms are in competition. One comes with the slogan, “coverage from cradle to grave.” 2nd one tries to improve on that with, “coverage from the womb to the tomb.” Not to be outdone, 3rd came up with, “from sperm to the worm.” 4th thought hard, came out with,”from erection to the resurrection.”

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Child to pirate captain:
CHILD: Captain, how did u get a peg leg?
PIRATE: U c I am a pirate. I fell off me ship & a shark bit off my leg. Had a peg leg ever since.
CHILD: How about that hook?
PIRATE: U c I am pirate. I had a sword fight & it got cut off. Had a hook ever since.
CHILD: How about ur eye patch?
PIRATE: 1 day, I looked up at d sky & a bird crapped on my eye.
CHILD: You mean u got blinded just becos a bird crapped on ur eye?
PIRATE: No, child… it was my 1st day with d hook!

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Question: What’s the height of recycling?
Answer: Sending a sanitary napkin for dry cleaning.

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Young man asks old man: “Sir, what is retirement?”
Old Man: Retirement is when you are replaced by a computer at the office and a VIBRATOR at home.

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3 wives talking about their husbands.
Maria: Ang asawa ko parang Rolls Royce, madulas at magara.
Julia: Ang akin parang Porsche, mabilis at mapwersa.
Iza: Asawa ko jepney. Kailangan pang itulak ng kamay, pagkatapos sakyan agad KUNG umandar!

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Superman once wrote on the wall: “Batman is a wimp.”
The next day Batman wrote: “Superman is Clark Kent.”

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