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New year na, wak suot POLKA DOTS symbol yan barya, coins lang yun. Suot kaw rectangle, sign yun TSEKE, pero wak tatalon pala hini BOUNCING CHECK. Happy New Year! 😛

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My New Year’s Wish List for you.
May your hair, your teeth, your face-lift, your abs and your stocks not fall. May your blood pressure, your triglycerides, your LDL, your white blood cells, not rise. May you wake up on January 1, finding the world has not come to an end, the light works, the water faucet flows, and the sky has not fallen! HAPPY NEW YEAR! 🙂

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Sabi Fengshui expert:
To have a Plospelous New Year, buy ikaw..
12 apples,
12 olanges,
12 flied chicken&
12 siomai,
put in a box, lap it nicely & send it to ME! Luck will shoely come to you!
Paki dak-dak 1 oldel pancit pala mas waswerti!!!
O misua canton na may quail egg pala lalo swelti!

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Napasilip si Totoy sa kwarto ng kanyang Dad at Mom. Na shock siya sa kanyang nakita. Sinigawan ni Totoy ang kanyang Mom: “Mommy, pinagagalitan mo ko pagsinusopsop ko ang hinlalaki ko! Pero ikaw?!”

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What is a KISS in…
GEOMETRY: it is the shortest distance between two lips.
ECONOMICS: it is that thing for which demand always exceeds supply.
PHYSICS: it is the process of charging a human body.
IT: it’s like a LAN in which two bodies are connected without any data cable.

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A teenager asked his Dad if he can use the car..
DAD: No, not until you cut your hair!
TEENAGER: But, Dad, Jesus had a long hair!
DAD: Yup, but Jesus walked everywhere! 😀

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You’d think that since men have two heads, they,d be smarter than women! Not true since they do most of their thinking with the smaller one.:-P

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A wife said to her husband when he came home, “Honey, got get a dozen condoms quickly. I’m horny.”

The husband said, “Great, darling, don’t cool down. I’ll be right back.”

When he returns with the condoms, wife snatches the packets and said, “Thanks” and walked out of the door.

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Nag-sex ang 75-yr old couple on their golden anniversary..
WiFE: “Hon, sa Xmas ulit at sa VaLentine, ha?”
HUSBAND: “3 times a year?? ano ka, maniac!”

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Tanong: Bakit walang kusina ang motel?
Sagot: Dahil sa kama pa lang, nagkakainan na. EAT ALL YOU CAN pa.

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Why Christmas Trees Are Better Than Men
1. It is always erect.
2. Even small ones give satisfaction.
3. It stays up for 12 days & nights.
4. It’s always happy with its size.
5. It has cute balls.
6. It doesn’t ask you to have little Christmas trees.
7. It it needles you, you can toss it out.
8. It always smells nice & doesn’t pass gas.

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Quotes That Proves Santa’s A D. O. M. . .
1. Hey Babe, when was the last time you did it in a sleigh?
2. Wanna see my 12-inch elf?
3. I’ve got something special in the sack for you!
4. Ever make it with a fat guy with a whip?
5. I know when you’ve been bad or good… so let’s skip the small talk, sister!
6. Some of my best toys run on batteries.
7. Interested in seeing the “North Pole”? (that’s what the missus calls it)
8. I see you when you’re sleepI£@@.. and you don’t wear any underwear, do you?

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ALCOHOL WARNING:
Excessive consumption of alcohol may cause you to THAY SHINGS like THISH!

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Anak: “Itay ano po ibig sabihin ng climate change?”
Itay: “Ha? Tinay, ano ba daw ang climate change?”
Nanay: “Ang panlalamig mo sa akin na dahil sa may pinag-iinitan kang iba! Iyan ang climate change!”

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Eksena sa jeep:
Miss: "Mama, usog naman ng konti, ipit na ang pearly shell ko eh."
Mister: "Buti ka pa ipit lang ang pearly shell mo, ako nga basag na ang tiny bubbles ko!"

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Wife: "Pag ako ang naunang namatay, ayoko "RIP" ang naka -lagay sa nitso ko. Gusto ko  "SUS."
HUSBAND: "Eh, ano yon?"
Wife:"SEE U SOON"

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Tanong ng isang girl:
"Alam mo mare, ung dati kong classmate, tuwang-tuwa sakin. Ang bait-bait ko daw. Kasi lagi niyang hiram ang panty, blouse, kamison, lipstick tsaka colgate ko. Gabi-gabi gamit nya kotse ko, kasama pa nya boyfriend  ko. Kaya lang nung minsan kumakain kami napansin ko suot-suot niya ngipin ko. Palagay mo, magagalit na ba ko?"

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Dear Santa,
Naging mabuting bata ako ngayong taon, at tanging hiling ko ay kayapaan at kasiyahan para sa lahat.
Love,
Josh

Dear Josh,
Nakatira ka ba ng shabu?
Santa

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