SMS Jokes 82

HUSBAND: Pagkamatay ko ipamamana ko sayo 50 hectares ng lupa’t bahay at 350 million sa bank. Ano pa mahihiling mo?
WIFE: Gusto ko mamatay ka na. Ngayon na! Ngayon naaaaaaa!!!

oOo

Chavit: Manny, paki – acknowledge naman si 1st Gentleman, late dumating..ayun kadadaan lang sa tabi ng ringside.
Manny: I would like to acknowledge the ARRIVAL OF THE LATE 1st GENTLEMAN WHO JUST PASSED AWAY!!

oOo

You is!’ ‘you is! you is!’, sigaw ni Aling Dionisia pagdating sa Amerika..Andito na ako sa ‘you is!’

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SMS Jokes 81

TOMMY: Pop, what is a freethinker?
POP: A freethinker, my son, is a man who isn’t married.

oOo

3 guys at a ski lodge.

There aren’t enough rooms so they share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, “I had this dream of getting a hand job.” Guy on the left wakes up too and says he had the same dream. The guy in the middle wakes up and says, “That’s funny. I dreamt I was skiing.”

oOo

Her Father: So my daughter has consented to become your wife. Have you fixed the day of the wedding?
Suitor: I leave that to my fiancee.
Her Father: Will you have a church or a private wedding?
Suitor: Her mother can decide that, sir.
Her Father: What have you to live on?
Suitor: I leave that entirely to you, sir.

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SMS Jokes 80

Mister: Hon, nakita mu ba ung posporo natin?
Misis: hindi ah.. andyan naman ung kalan natin ah!
Mister: ipantitinga ko yung kalan? sigurado ka?

oOo

Sulat ni lalake:

Dear love,
Ok lang ako dito.. siempre lagi kita naaalala lalo ng kapag paksiw ang luto ni ina, akala ko nasa tabi lang kita andito kc amoy mo.. amoy suka.. iyan ang love ko may asim pa.:P

Reply ni babae:

Dear love,
Ok lang din ako d2, para di mainip sumasama ako kay tatay dun sa bukid kung saan mayron mga kambing na alaga nya. Dun ko kasi naaalala ang amoy mo.. iyan ang love ko, lalakeng-lalake at matipuno at barakong-barako. Ang amoy parang kambing na barako.

oOo

Natukoy na ng NBI kung saan nagtatago si Sen Ping Lacson!
..sya’y nagtatago sa kumbento ng mga madre sa..

PING SISTERS CONVENT!

oOo

SWS says PGMA’s net satisfaction rating is down to minus 53 per cent, an all-time low. Because of the failing grade, PGMA says she’s more than willing to repeat!

oOo

Bakit sinasabi na ang lalake at ang babae ay ginagawang isang laman?
Pagkat kung ipapasok ng lalaki ang ari niya sa ari ng babae magiging isang laman sila..

oOo

“para san ba ako?
Ang stars para sa pangarap,
Ang angels para magbantay
eh! ako kaya para san???

hmmm…

Eto pampaganda lang ng lahing pilipino!!! 😛

oOo

Hundred of men say:

“walang matinong lalaki sa malanding babae”

but i think it should be:

“walang malanding babae sa kung matino ang lalaki”

oOo

**ALL of the above SMS Jokes courtesy of Mike

SMS Jokes 79

Teacher: What is the capital of the Philippines?
Chinese Student: Ma’am, kahit ako Chinese, ako alam Pilipinas. Pilipinas walang capital, pulo utang!

oOo

The President of Poland, Lech Kaczynski, dies in a plane crash.
The Polish people grief.
Europeans express shock.
Pinoys express envy! 😀

oOo

Wife: honey, sex tau.
Husband: ayaw ko, meron ka.
Wife: eh anu naman ang problema dun?
Husband: may dugo eh…
Wife: PUNYETA! Ano ba yang ari mo, IGLESIA?

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SMS Jokes 78

St. Peter at the Pearly Gates when PGMA and FG stroll up.

“Your names aren’t in the list. Let me check with the Boss” he says. In God’s office he tells the Big Man about the Arroyos, and HE tells Peter to tell them to buzz off. 5 minutes later, St. Peter was back in God’s office and says, “they’re gone.” God asks, “The Arroyos? Good.” and Peter replies… “NO THE PEARLY GATES!!!” 🙂

oOo

When a man is young, a love affair is called ROMANCING.
On his middle age, its called WOMANIZING.
When a man is old, the love affair is called FINANCING!

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SMS Jokes 77

Amo: Inday! Magbabakasyon ako! Gusto ko maging mga mata at tenga ko sa mga kalokohan ng Sir mo habang wala ako!
Inday: Mam, pwede rin ba akong maging pekpek nyo? Ahihihi!

oOo

SERMON
PARI: Ang kayamanan at pera, maiiwan natin kapag tayo ay namatay.,.Walang may pera sa langit!
BATA: Narinig mo yun, inay? Nasa langit na pala tayo!

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SMS Jokes 76

ERAP na ang Pilipinas, wala ng MANNY ang mga pinoy, GIBO na din ang mga moral. Puro tambay na lang sa mga VILLARan, EDUkado man o mangmang, hirap mamuhay ng MARangal, AQUINO man sa kanila ang iboto, walang kasiguruhan na BAYANI ang mapipili. DICKdikin man natin ang utak natin, mahirap makakita ng PERFECTOng lider para mamuno sa PERLAS ng silangan. Pag BINAYaran pa ang boto natin EDDIE mag people power na tayo dyan sa kanto ng LEGARDA st. at NICANOR REYES at paabutin hangang ROXAS blvd. NOY to vote buying.;-)

oOo

(Holy Week 2010

Did you know what happened when news came out that Sen. Manny was the president bet of FG Mike? Manny denied the FG 3 times before the cock crowed!

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SMS Jokes 75

Anak: Daddy bili mo ako ng chucherya!
Daddy: Bobo!Di naman chucherya tawag dun!
Anak: E ano po ba dapat?
Daddy :Chiskarrs!

oOo

Misis:Hon, anong gift mo saken sa silver anniversary natin?
Mister: Dalhin kita sa China!
Misis: Sweet! Eh sa Golden anniversary natin?
Mister: Sunduin kta!

oOo

Amo: Inday, Bakit di mo pa dinidiligan mga halaman sa labas?!
Inday:Sir hello?? Umuulan po!
Amo: Eh di mag payong ka, gaga!

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