M A R U I S M

A tribe of cannibals in Africa were converted to Christianity by a Catholic missionary.
Now on Fridays, they only eat fishermen!

oOo

Telling lies..
is a fault in a boy..
an art in a lover..
an accomplishment in a bachelor, and..
second nature in a married man!

oOo

First Ladies?
If Pres.- elect Noy requests it, Ballsy Aquino-Cruz says she and sisters Viel, Pinky, and Kris will take turns in playing the role of First Lady.
Meanwhile, Dr. Elenita Binay has reportedly rejected VP-elect Jojo’s request to have revolving Second Ladies.

oOo

A man was in a Turkish bath when he saw someone stole his clothes. He ran after d robber with only a hat for cover. As he turned a corner he bumped in2 2 girls who burst in2 laughter.
“If u were ladies,” he said angrily, u wouldn’t laugh in my circumstances.”
“And if u were a gent,” said one, “you’d raise ur hat.”

Read more

Dalawang doktor ang nag-usap.
Dok1: grabe ang inoperahan kong lalaki kanina, may isang dosenang rosas sa loob ng pwet nya!
Dok2: ha? paano nangyari yon? Saan galing ang bulaklak?
Dok1: di ko alam, wala namang card na kasama, eh!

oOo

GF: Kung paglalaruan mo lang puso ko, itigil mo na. Hindi na tayo bata
Bakit di na lang katawan ko paglaruan m0…Mageenjoy pa tayo!
BF: Tama ka, HALA TUWAD!

oOo

Alam mo ba kung bakit walang kulay ang utot?
Kasi kung meron, mawawala ang thrill ng paghahanap kung sino ang salarin!:-)

oOo

Song Title Translation:
Don’t Let Me Be The Last To Know: Huwag Mo Kong Gawing Tanga
Sometimes When We Touch – Minsan Kapag Tayo’y Naghihipuan
Touch Me In The Morning: Hipuan Mo Ko Sa Umaga
Hurt So Good: Array, ang Sarrap!
How Deep Is Your Love: Gaano Kalalim Ang Sayo
Three Time A Lady: Super Bakla

Read more

Bakit palaging may hinanakit ang panty?
Kasi lagi na lang daw siyang ginagawang panakip butas!

oOo

Anak: ‘Tay, di ba sabi mo bibigyan mo ko ng 8 libo pag pumasa ako sa Math?
Ama: Oo, bakit pumasa ka ba?
Anak: Good news, ‘Tay, hindi ka na gagastos ng 8 libo.

oOo

Isang bata inutusan bumili sa store ng juice na nasa sachet.
BATA: Ale, pabili nga po ng isang juice nasa litro pack.
TINDERA: Yung powder ba?
BATA: Bat Ale, may bareta ba kayong juice?

oOo

Ayon sa hangal na Aklat, pahina 69, artikulo 6, ang mensahe ni Barabas…
Ang mga babae ay kailangan maghugas ng kanilang mga hiyas dahil ito ay kinakain ng mga hudas..:-P

Read more

Sa party…
MOM: Son, please. lead the prayer.
SON: Paano po?
MOM: Just pray what you heard me pray kanina.
SON: Diyos ko! Bakit ko inimbita ang mga taong ito?

oOo

Anong similarity na SINULID at MALE SEX ORGAN?
Parehong dinidilaan para tumigas bago ipasok!

oOo

2 buntis nag-uusap…
B1: Mare, di ko alam anong pangalan ibibigay sa anak ko.
B2: Buti ka, yan lang problema mo, ako di ko alam anong apelyido ibibigay ko!

Read more

Boss: Natutulog ka daw sa oras ng trabaho?
JUAN: Hindi naman po.
BOSS: Sabi ng guard nahuli kaw daw nya natutulog.
JUAN: Naku, wag po kayong maniwala dun!
BOSS: At bakit?
JUAN: Nanaginip lang po sya!:-D

oOo

“How did you like your first day at the nudist camp?” asked one bachelor to his friend.
“Well,” replied his friend, “the first three days were the HARDEST.” :-*

oOo

A math professor sent SMS to his wife: “Dear, u r now 54 yrs old & unable to satisfy me. Now I am with my 18 yrs old student & I’ll be late today!”

Wife replied: “Dear, u r also 54 yrs old & unable to satisfy me. Now I am with our driver who’s also 18 yrs old. As u r a mathematician, u know very well that 18 goes into 54 many times more than 54 goes into 18. Watch out!”

Read more

An 80 year old woman got married for the first time. Night of the honeymoon the old newly married woman suddenly rushed to the window and shouted to the d neighbors…. “PUTANGINA NYO HINDI KAYO NAGSABI GANITO KASARAP!!”

oOo

Budoy: Pre, bakit ang boobs ng bebot maputi?
Bogs: ah, siyempre may bra!
Budoy: bakit ang bayag natin may brief pero maitim?
Bogs: lagyan mo ng bra para pumuti kaya!

oOo

Mangyan nautusan pumunta sa bayan. Parang malayo isip nya nang may dumaang jeep. Pinara nya ito.

MANGYAN: Kuya, pede sumabit?
DRAYBER: cge, boy, ok lang!

Makaraan ang 30 minutes nakaramdan ang Mangyan nang pagod.
MANGYAN: Kuya, saglit lang po.
DRAYBER: Ano un, boy?
MANGYAN: pede po kasama paa? Pagod na po braso ko eh!

Read more