Jokes courtesy of MIKE ðŸ˜›
WIFE (to Doctor): "My husband has the habit of talking in sleep. What should I give him to cure?"
DOCTOR: "Give him an opportunity to speak when he is awake."
Bb. Pilipinas-Universe, Ms. Shamcey Supsup, is dating the son of the former Prime Minister of Pakistan.
If they marry, she’ll be Mrs. Shamcey… Supsup-Bhutto!
GIRL: "Red Horse ka ba?"
BOY: "Asus! Banat ‘yan, ‘no?"
GIRL: "Hindi! Kahit saang angulo ka kasi tingnan… mukha kang kabayo!"
Start the day smiling with these FUCKS of Life:
LOVE is like being devirginized – it hurts but you still want to go on with it..
FATE is like being raped- if you can’t fight it, enjoy it..
WORK is like a gang rape – ten people are behind your ass to take your place..
EDUCATION is like hiring a prostitute – You offer money plus hard work to achieve your goal..
SUCCESS is like masturbation – only your own hand can let you achieve it.
A new business was opening and one of its friends sent flowers for the occasion. It arrived at the new site and the card read "Rest In Peace."
The business owner angrily called the florist to complain of the obvious mistake.
The florist said, "I’m sorry but rather than get angry, you should imagine that somewhere there’s a funeral taking place, and they have flowers with a note saying, ‘Congratulations on your new location!’"
QUESTION: What do you do if your Kotex is on fire?
ANSWER: You tampon it!
HIGH TECH GENERATION…
A 21st century kid to another: "I never want to have kids because they take nine months to download!"
3 boys were bragging on their fathers.
1st boy said his father scribbles a few words on a paper, he calls it a poem, and they give him $100 for it.
2nd boy said his father scribbles a few words on a paper and calls it a song, and he gets $300 for it.
3rd boy says, "I beat both of you. My dad scribbles a few words on a paper, calls it a sermon, and it takes 8 people to collect all the money!"
ABU SAYAF COMMANDER-:
"Men, take no prisoners. Let’s kill all the men and rape all the women. This time let’s do it right, not the other way around like the last time!!"
ALING DIONESIA: “Anak, paki explain nga kung ano ang ibig sabihin ng NITRATES!”
PACMAN: “Ang NITRATES ay matatagpuan sa mga Motel. Day Rates are more expensive than NitRates!”
ALING DIONY: “Ang galing ng anak ko! Congressman ka na talaga!”
Kung kamuka ni
ang lahat na pinapanganak na bata araw araw
Kokontra ka pa ba sa
Pag nakita mo yung BF/GF mm na may kasamang iba, batuhin mo lang siya ng bulaklak…
Syempre kasama yung paso!
A DOG asked a CAT:
Why do you hide when you are having SEX?
The CAT replied: That’s b’coz we don’t want humans to copy our STYLE. They have already copied yours! HALLO!
What defines the difference between a wife and a mistress?
A wife dresses to please her man; a mistress undresses to please him..
QUESTION: If God was gay, what would be his name?
ANSWER: GAYLord! ðŸ˜€