SMS Jokes 2011-210

Jokes courtesy of MIKE 😛

WIFE (to Doctor): "My husband has the habit of talking in sleep. What should  I give him to cure?"
DOCTOR: "Give him an opportunity to speak when he is awake."

Bb. Pilipinas-Universe, Ms. Shamcey Supsup, is dating the son of the former Prime Minister of Pakistan.
If they marry, she’ll be Mrs. Shamcey… Supsup-Bhutto!

GIRL: "Red Horse ka ba?"
BOY: "Asus! Banat ‘yan, ‘no?"
GIRL: "Hindi! Kahit saang angulo ka kasi tingnan… mukha kang kabayo!"

Start the day smiling with these FUCKS of Life:
LOVE is like being devirginized – it hurts but you still want to go on with it..
FATE is like being raped- if you can’t fight it, enjoy it..
WORK is like a gang rape – ten people are behind your ass to take your place..
EDUCATION is like hiring a prostitute – You offer money plus hard work to achieve your goal..
SUCCESS is like masturbation – only your own hand can let you achieve it.

A new business was opening and one of its friends sent flowers for the occasion. It arrived at the new site and the card read "Rest In Peace."
The business owner angrily called the florist to complain of the obvious mistake.
The florist said, "I’m sorry but rather than get angry, you should imagine that somewhere there’s a funeral taking place, and they have flowers with a note saying, ‘Congratulations on your new location!’"

QUESTION: What do you do if your Kotex is on fire?
ANSWER: You tampon it!

HIGH TECH GENERATION…
A 21st century kid to another: "I never want to have kids because they take nine months to download!"

3 boys were bragging on their fathers.
1st boy said his father scribbles a few words on a paper, he calls it a poem, and they give him $100 for it.
2nd boy said his father scribbles a few words on a paper and calls it a song, and he gets $300 for it.
3rd boy says, "I beat both of you. My dad scribbles a few words on a paper, calls it a sermon, and it takes 8 people to collect all the money!"

ABU SAYAF COMMANDER-:
"Men, take no prisoners. Let’s kill all the men and rape all the women. This time let’s do it right, not the other way around like the last time!!"

ALING DIONESIA: “Anak, paki explain nga kung ano ang ibig sabihin ng NITRATES!”
PACMAN: “Ang NITRATES ay matatagpuan sa mga Motel. Day Rates are more expensive than NitRates!”
ALING DIONY: “Ang galing ng anak ko!  Congressman ka na talaga!”

Kung kamuka ni
m0mmy dionesia
ang lahat na pinapanganak na bata araw araw
Kokontra ka pa ba sa
RH BILL?

Think?!   Hahaha!

Pag nakita mo yung BF/GF mm na may kasamang iba, batuhin mo lang siya ng bulaklak…
.
.
.

Syempre kasama yung paso!

A DOG asked a CAT:
Why do you hide when you are having SEX?
The CAT replied: That’s b’coz we don’t want humans to copy our STYLE. They have already copied yours!  HALLO!

What defines the difference between a wife and a mistress?
A wife dresses to please her man; a mistress undresses to please him..

QUESTION: If God was gay, what would be his name?
ANSWER: GAYLord! 😀

SMS Jokes 2011-209

Jokes courtesy of Kups. Thank you so much, dear. 😛

A couple were in their bedroom and the girl says to her boyfriend, ‘I wish I had bigger tits’. The boyfriend says ‘well what I recommend is to get some toilet tissue and rub it between your tits for 2 months’. ‘How will that help to make my tits bigger?‘ asks the girlfriend.
‘Well it worked for your ass’ says the boyfriend.

  •  

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don’t know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we’ve been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!"

His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you’re obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife’s ass and say, ‘How about a blowjob?’ … and she’s always sound asleep."

  •  

A Woman’s Prayer:
I pray for:
Wisdom, To understand a man.
Love, To forgive him and;
Patience, For his moods.
Because if I pray for Strength
I’ll just beat him to death.

  •  

SON: "Dad, what is an idiot?"
DAD: "An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can’t understand him. Do you understand me?"
SON: "No."

  •  

Teacher asks student: "What is the half of 8?"
STUDENT: "Miss horizontally or vertically?"
TEACHER: "What do mean?"
STUDENT: "Horizontally it is 0 and vertically it is 3."

  •  

A couple driving home hit and wounded a skunk on the road. The wife gets out and brings it back to the car.
‘We need to take it to a vet. Its shivering, it must be cold, what should I do ?’ she asks.
Husband replies ‘Put it between your legs to keep it warm’.
‘But it stinks !’ she exclaims.
‘So hold its nose !’

  •  

An old lady and an old man are sitting in their retirement home. The man turns to the woman and says, “I bet you can’t tell me how old I am.”
She says, “Ok.”
She then unzips his fly, feels around for a while and finally says, “You’re seventy-three.”
That’s amazing!” the man exclaims. “How did you know?”
She replies, “You told me yesterday.”

  •  

SHORT HISTORY OF MEDICINE
“Doctor, I have an ear ache.”
2000 B.C.    “Here, eat this root.”
1000 B.C.    “That root is heathen, say this prayer.”
1850 A.D.    “That prayer is superstition, drink this potion.”
1940 A.D.    “That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill.”
1985 A.D.    “That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic.”
2000 A.D.    “That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!”

  •  

Dear Osama bin Laden,
My hiding place is better than yours.
—–Waldo

  •  

A tired doctor is awakened by a phone call in the middle of the night.
“Please, you have to come right away,”pleads a distraught young mother. “My child has swallowed a contraceptive.”
The physician dresses quickly, but before he can get out the door, the phone rings again.
“You don’t have to come over after all,” the woman says with a sigh of relief. “My husband just found another one.”

  •  

A mom was potty training her 4 year old son. She said, “I’ll teach you some steps.”
Step 1: Unzip.
Step 2: Drop pants.
Step 3: Pull penis out.
Step 4: Pee.
Step 5: Pull penis back.
Step 6: Pick up pants and zip.
A few days later, the mom was walking by the bathroom and she heard someone repeatedly saying, “3..5..3..5..3..5..3..5..3..5…”

  •  

oOo

"Feeling ko talaga magaling ka sa puzzle. Kasi kasisimula pa lang ng araw ko ay nabuo mo na kaagad" – Sarah Geronimo, You Changed My Life (2009)

SMS Jokes 2011-208

screenshot_149

 

♥

 

MAX: “Pare mahilig pala pamilya mo sa music! Kasi pag naliligo kayo, lahat kumakanta!”
JUAN: “Anong mahilig? Kailangan lang kasi sira lock ng banyo!”

♥

ANTON: “Pare, tanungin mo ako sa English, sasagutin kita ng Spanish!”
MARIO: “Sige, What is more important, heart or mind?”
ANTON: “Spanish!”

♥

BARISTA: “Sir, bakit bawat lagok nyo, sinisilip nyo ang litrato ni misis?”
JUAN: “Check ko lang kung kaya ko pa! Pag maganda na sya, lasing na ko!”

♥

JUAN: “Nay dami nyo ng puting buhok!”
INAY:”Kasi sa bawat KALOKOHAN ng anak, PUMUPUTI ang buhok ng ina!”
JUAN: “Ah kaya pala puti LAHAT buhok ni lola!”

♥

Sabi ng nanay ko, ang LOL daw ay Lots Of Love. After a few days, nagtext sya sa kin, sabi nya“Si Lola mo namatay na LOL!”

♥

Paano mo sasabihin sa girl na mukha siyang boy na di sya magagalit?
SAGOT: “Cute mo! kamukhang-kmukha mo TATAY mo, LOLO mo at KUYA mo! Kala ko nga sila eh!”

♥

ANAK: “Nay, alam nyo pinatayo ako ni itay sa bus para ibigay upuan ko sa babae!

INAY: “Anak, magandang asal yun!”
ANAK: “Kahit nakakandong po ako kay itay?

♥

DOK: “Balita ko di mo na kinakausap sarili mo!”
BALIW: “Dok dapat lang na di ko kausapin sarili ko!”
DOK:(magaling na ata!) “Bakit?”
BALIW: “Magkagalit kami eh!”

♥

Sa lugawan.
BATA: “Isa pong lugaw!”
TINDERA: “May laman o wala?”
BATA: “Hello? Mangunguya ko ba yang mangkok? Lagyan mo kaya ng laman!”

♥

MAN: “Si sir mo to, nabangga ako, I need cash!”
INDAY:”Aru! Dugo-dugo gang ka no?”
MAN: “Inday, si sir mo to!”
INDAY: “Wee, si sir ang tawag sa kin CUPCAKE!”

♥

INAY: “Binigay na ba card nyo?”

ANAK: “Opo nay, gud news wala na po ako line of 7!”

INAY: “Patingin! English-65 Math-60 Science-69 Pilipino-67..Ala nga!”

♥

MAX: “Pag nag-aaway kami ni Mrs, YUMUYUKO sya sa takot!”
JUAN: “Misis ko naman TUMITINGALA!”

♥

MAX: “Bakit?”
JUAN: “Sabi nya, Hoy! Bumaba ka dyan sa APARADOR!”

♥

LOLO: “Hoy apo, si Corazon lang ang NABABAGAY sa iyo dahil meron silang malawak na NIYOGAN!”
APO: “Lolo naman, kailan pa po ako naging KUDKURAN!”

♥

ANAK: “Tay, sa hirap ng buhay ko sa Manila, ang brief ko BUTAS na!
TATAY: “Mas hirap buhay ko sa province, yung suot ko CARTER brief, GARTER na lang!”

♥

AMO: “Inday nstanggal mo ba yung mantsa sa barong ko?”
INDAY: “Opo kuya, tanggal na tanggal!”
AMO: “Gud! ano pinantanggal mo?”
INDAY: “GUNTING po!”

♥

PEDRO: “Nay, puede po ba ako sumama sa NIGHT SWIMMING ng mga kaklase ko?”

NANAY: “Ok lang anak, basta wag ka MAGPAPAGABI ha?”
PEDRO: “Opo nay, promise!”

♥

May nahit-and-run, pinagkukumpulan. Para makita, umeksena si JUAN “Paraanin nyo ko, KAPATID ko yan!” Nakarating si Juan sa biktimang UNGGOY!

♥

JUAN: “Pare, dati MAYABANG ako pero ngayon HUMBLE na ko!”
PEDRO: “Wow, talaga? Kailan mo pa nabago yan?”
JUAN: “Simula nung naging PERFECT ako!”

♥

SMS Jokes 2011-207

Jokes courtesy of Mike. Thank you, Mike! 😛

BOY: "Yung friend ni Ate may dalang baril kanina."
TATAY: "Talaga? Nakita mo?"
BOY: "Hindi po pero narinig ko sabi ni ate…"Sa labas mo iputok. Wag mo puputok sa loob"

A man was throwing knives at his wife’s picture, and all were missing the target.
Suddenly he received a call from his wife who asked him what he was doing.
With a straight face, he replied…
"JUST MISSING YOU!"

Krissy interviews Pacman on the RH bill.
KRISSY: "Bakit ayaw mo sa RH bill?"
PACMAN: "Siyimpri."
KRISSY: "What?"
PACMAN: "Ayaw ni Miyor Atienza eh. So ayaw ku rin!"

BABAE1: "Wow, ang daming handa ng anak mo, mare! May Lydia’s Lechon pa! Totoo bang Magna ang anak mo?"
BABAE2: "Totoo, mare! Magna-nine years na siya sa 4th year high school. Laking pasasalamat namin at nakapasa rin sa wakas!"

Continue reading

SMS Jokes 2011-206

screenshot_142
JUAN: “Huh? Nagugunaw na ang mundo! Ahhh! Araay! Ang init! araay!”

NANAY: “Hoy batugan, gumising ka na! Ala-una na! Tirik na sa mukha mo yung araw!”

♥

JUAN: “Nung panahon ko, P50 lang dala ko sa mall, meron na akong t-shirt, pants, panyo, medyas.”
ANAK: “Eh ngayon po?”
JUAN: “Mahirap na, dami na CCTV camera!”

♥

DOC: “Pwede mo lang kainin ay mga hayop na lumalangoy.”
JUAN: “OK!”
(after 1 week)
DOC: “Asan pasyente ko?”
MAID: “Nasa pool po tinuturuan LUMANGOY yung baboy!”

♥

BF: “Sigurado ka ba na ako ama ng dinadala mo?”
GF: “Hoy, kelan kita niloko? 3 na tinanong ko, di daw sila, ikaw na lang natitira kaya iyo to!”

♥

Old Museum.
GIRL: “Miss wala ba multo dito!”
GUIDE: “Tagal ko na dito wala pa ako nakitang multo!”
GIRL: “Gaano na kayo katagal dito?”
GUIDE: “450 years na!”

♥

JUAN: “Maam, sori po wala ako kahapon kasi nanganak inay ko!”
GURO: “In English!”
JUAN: “Maam, sori I lost yesterday becoz my mom is born!”
GURO: “Gud! Set down!”

♥

JUAN: “Ale, PALIMOS po!”
ALE: “Manong, bakit DALAWA ang LATA nyo?”
JUAN: “Ah ito ba? umaasenso din naman tayo! Nakapagbukas na ng bagong BRANCH!”

♥

JUAN: “Mag a-apply po akong BOY.”

AMO: “Ok, ang job mo i-feed ang aso ng HAM sa umaga STEAK sa tanghali at SAUSAGE sa gabi.”
JUAN: Mag a-apply po akong ASO!”

♥

DOK1: “Grabe yung inoperahan ko kanina, nakakuha ako ng 3 ROSES sa tiyan!” DOK2: “Ha? Saan daw galing yun?”
DOK1: “Ewan ko, walang ksamang card eh!”

♥

JUAN: “Pare, puyat na puyat ako sa napanaginipan ko kagabi!”
MAX: “Paano ka napuyat na natutulog? Ano ba panaginip mo?”
JUAN: “SEKYU daw ako na NAKA-DUTY!”

♥

JUAN:(sawi) “Lolo, masakit po ba talaga ang magmahal ng LUBOS?”
LOLO: “Apo, mayaman tayo! Ayos lang kahit magmahal ang PULBOS! Wag na umiyak, ok?”

♥

JUAN: “Dok, bakit pag umiinom ako ng coke sumasakit sikmura ko pero pag LIBRE hindi?”
DOC: “Normal yan.. MANIPIS ATAY mo kahit MAKAPAL MUKHA mo!”

♥

ADDICT: “Payag ka na bang magpakasal sa akin?”
GRO: “Oo pero ok lang ba sa iyo kung meron akong past?”
ADDICT: “Ok lang, wala nman akong future eh!”

♥

Sa pilahan ng jeep…
JUAN: “Manong, di pa ba tayo aalis?”
DRIVER: “Mayamaya po, wala pang LAMAN eh!”
JUAN: “Eh ano po tawag nyo sa akin SABAW?”

♥

KONDUKTOR: “Lolo bayad nyo po?”
LOLO: “Magkano ba?”
KONDUKTOR: “Nasa tiket po tingnan nyo na lng!”
LOLO: “Lokong bata eto, paano ko makikita e pinagbubutas mo!”

♥

MAX: “Pare, ano una mo tinitingnan pag nakakasalubong ka ng magandang girl?”
JUAN: “Una ko tinitingnan yung mata ng misis ko, mahirap ng magulpi!”

♥

TATAY: “Anak, totoo ba na sa school, nagbibigay-galang ang lahat pag dumadaan ka? Astig ah! Ano sabi nila?”
JUAN: “Mabuhay ang mahal na reyna!”

♥

JUAN: “Tay, kainis po yung kalaro ko, sabi nya mukha daw po akong SAWA!”

TATAY: “Aba! Di tama yun! Buti di mo PINULUPUTAN at TINUKLAW!”

♥

SMS Jokes 2011-205

Little_Peanut

GURO: “Children, gayahin nyo ang mga ants, puro sila trabaho at di naglalakwatsa!”
JUAN: “Eh bakit po nung magpunta kami sa Luneta, andun din sila?”

JOSE: “Pare sa sobrang kalasingan ko kagabi, naibenta ko ang misis ko ng di ko alam!”
JUAN: “Mas sobrang kalasingan ko pare, di man lang ako nakatawad!”

JUAN: (naliligaw) “Magtatanong lang po, saan po ba papunta ang daan na to?
TASYO: “Iho, tumanda na ko dito pero di ko pa nakitang umalis ang daan na yan!”

TANONG: “Paano mo sasabihin sa tao na bad breath sya ng di sya mao-offend?”
SAGOT: “Nakainom ka ba ng tubig-imburnal? Sipilyo ka agad para di ka malason!”

TANONG: “Paano mo sasabihin sa BF mo na ang pangit nya na di sya mao-
offend?”
SAGOT:”Alam mo, ikaw ang pinakamagandang lalaki sa ilalim ng lupa!”

AMO: “Inday, titira dito biyenan ko ng 3 buwan. Ito listahan ng favorite nyang pagkain.”
MAID: “Opo sir!”
AMO: “Pag may niluto ka dyan, lagot ka sa akin!”

Continue reading

SMS Jokes 2011-204

Modernong Talasalitaan
Indirect Bribery:
Ang pagnanakaw ng mahigit tatlong daang milyong piso mula sa kaban ng bayan. See "plunder."
Plunder: Wala nang gano’n. Hindi na uso ‘yan. Kapag nagnakaw ka ng limampung milyong piso o higit pa mula sa kaban ng bayan, ibalik mo lang ang kalahati at ayos ng ang buto-buto. See "indirect bribery."

  •  

Imagine living with three wives in the same compound and never leaving the villa for five years!
Maybe Osama himself called the U. S. Navy SEALS!

  •  

WIFE: "Nanaginip ako na nago-auction daw sila ng titi. Ang malalaki P1,000.00, ang makakapal P2,000.00.
HUSBAND:"Magkano yong parang sa akin?"
WIFE (ngumingisi):"Pinamimigay lang nila."
HUSBAND (gaganti): Ako rin nanaginip.. nago-auction sila ng pekpek.. Yong magaganda P10,000.00, pag-masikip P20,000.00."
WIFE: "Talaga? Eh, magkano yong sa akin?"
HUSBAND: "Doon ginanap ang auction!" Hahahaha!!! Sobra na luwang.

  •  

After experiencing the discomfort & embarrassment of a prostate test in the US, my friend decided to have his next test made in Thailand where the beautiful nurses are gentle & accommodating.
As usual he was asked to strip off, he lay naked on his side on the bed & the nurse began the examination.
"At this stage of the procedure it’s quite normal to get an erection" said the nurse.
"I haven’t got an erection" said the man.
"Not you, me" replied the nurse.

  •  

BOY: “Hubad tayo.”
GIRL: “Ayoko nga noh.”
BOY: “Sige na!”
GIRL: “Oh sige na nga.”
BOY: “You muna.”
GIRL: “No, kaw muna.”
BOY: “Ok sabay na lng tayo, 1, 2, 3, Huuubbaaadd!
After a while…
BOY: What’s that?!?!?
GIRL: “Well just like yours fafa.”

  •  

SMS Jokes 2011-203

 

Mga ambag JOKES mula sa pagmamalasakit ni Kups. Char!

Maraming salamat po, pogi. 😛

A rapist with a knife threatened a nun:
“Life or Reputation?” After the rape, the nun got the knife, collared the rapist and said:
“Life or Repetition?”

COP1: “Bakit po K-9 ang tawag sa malalaking aso, sir!”
SUPT: “Syempre pag tinawag mo silang K-10, hindi na sila aso.”
Cop1: “Ano na sila sir?
SUPT: “maliit na pusa.”

MISIS: “Kung alam ko lang di sana ako nagpakasal sa iyo! ABS ka!”
MISTER: “Anong ABS?”
MISIS: “Alak, Babae, Sugal!”
MISTER: “Eh ikaw CBN!”
MISIS: “CBN?”
MISTER: “Chismosa, Bungangera, Nagger!”

TEACHER: “Imagine you’re a millionaire. Write your life history..
(1 boy didn’t write)
TEACHER: “Why are you not writing?”
BOY: “I’m waiting for my secretary.”

JUAN: “Naniniwala ka ba sa kasabihan na kapag tumuwad ang bata eh naghahanap ng kasunod?”
PEDRO: “Hindi naman!”
JUAN: “Bakit?”
PEDRO: “Mas maniwala ako kapag NANAY na ang TUMUWAD!”

3 Madre tsismisan:
MADRE1: “Masarap sa titi maikli pero mataba!”
MADRE2: “Mas masarap payat pero mahaba!”
MADRE3: “Sira, mas masarap mahaba na mataba pa!”
SUPERIORA: “Mga GAGA! Ang importante MATIGAS!”

TITSER: “Juan, use recharge and caffeine in a sentence.”
JUAN: “Si “Recharge” Gutierrez ay si “Caffeine” Barbell?”

GF: “Tara hatid mo ko sa bahay.”
BF: “Eh..wala akong pera ngayon, wala pang padala si mommy eh.”
GF: “Sayang walang tao sa bahay.”
BF: “Ay! Meron palang 500 dito, tara na!”

Problemado ka ba sa lovelife mo?
LQ? Sawi? Basted? Single since birth?
Baka kasi nakalimutan mo na sa lahat ng relasyon, kailangang idaan mo muna sa isang napakaimportanteng pagsubok.
Komunsulta sa paraan ng APOY.
Ang F.L.A.M.E.S.

 

 

oOo

“I like the way you bring out the best and worst in me” – Aga Muhlach, Dahil May Isang Ikaw (1999)

.

SMS Jokes 2011-202

screenshot_138

♥

NANAY: “Anak, me sindi na ang mga kandila, mag-wish ka muna before mo hipan… Ayan, ano ba ang winish mo?”
ANAK: “Sana po sa next birthday ko, meron ng CAKE!”

♥

JUAN: “Manong, may bayad ba ang bata?”
DRIVER: “Wala.”
JUAN: “Kapag kandong?”
DRIVER: “Wala din.”
JUAN: “O anak, upo ka na at kakandong ako!”

♥

JUAN: “Gabi-gabi akong kinakalabit ni misis!”
PEDRO: “Ano naman problema dun?”
JUAN: “Eh tatlong taon na siyang patay!”

♥

JUAN: “Away kami ni Misis kagabi, nagdilim paningin ko!”
MAX: “Sinaktan mo?”
JUAN: “Sinakal ako, NAGDILIM PANINGIN KO, nawalan ako ng malay!”

♥

TRIVIA
QUESTION: Paano i-detect kung CAT, RAT or DOG ang SIOPAO?
ANSWER: Ipaamoy mo sa pusa. Pag gusto RAT yun. Pag ayaw CAT din. Pag tumakbo eh di DOG!

♥

MARIA: “Lagot ginabi ako! Ano ssabihin ko ke Itay?”
NENA: “Unahan mo:”Bakit ngyon lang ako umuwi ha? San ako galing? Sobra na ko! Pasok sa kuwarto!”

♥

NENA: “Ano hinuhukay mo?”
JUAN: “Libingan ng namatay kong goldfish!”
NENA: “Laki naman nyan para sa goldfish?”
JUAN: “Kasi nasa tiyan ng pusa mo yung goldfish!”

♥

JUAN: “Nay, pengeng pera bili akong HIGH CAKE.
INAY: “Hindi high cake, anak, hot cake!”
JUAN: “Opo!”
INAY: “Sige kumuha ka na lang diyan sa SOLDIER BAG ko!

♥

MAX: “Lolo ko nagtago sa puno di nakita ng mga hapon!”
JOE: “Lolo ko nagtago sa tubig!”
JUAN: “Lolo ko di man nagtago!
MAX and JOE: “Bakit?”
JUAN: “Eh hapon yung lolo ko!”

♥

LONG DISTANCE CALL…
JUAN:”Kumusta tindahan?”
MRS: “Grocery na!”
JUAN: “Wow! Ang gotohan?”
MRS: “Resto na!”
JUAN: “Wow! Ang 2 kong anak?”
MRS: “4 na!”
JUAN: “Wow?”

♥

WAITER: “Sir, try our new brandy, para sa gusto makalimot!”
JUAN: “Ok!”
(after 4 hrs)
WAITER: “Sir, sarado na kami, chit nyo po!”
JUAN: “Anong chit? Sino ka?”

♥

MARIA: “Yuck yung kinagat kong apple, may worm!”
JUAN: “Mas YUCK yung kinagat kong apple, pagkita ko sa worm KALAHATI na lang!”

♥

Today’s Quote:

“Diligin mo ng suka ang tuyo kong lumpia!” – Bella Flores, Patigasan… Ang Laban (1990)

SMS Jokes 2011-201

Magkaharap sina Adan at Eba nang biglang tinigasan si Adan.
Pareho silang nabigla sa nangyari, kaya biglang sumigaw si Adan, "Tabi ka riyan, hindi ko alam kung hanggang saan ito tatama!"

Ang card ni Juan..
INAY: “Juan, bakit may red color ang grades mo?”
JUAN: “Naubusan kasi ng black ballpen ung titser namin eh.”
INAY: “Ui! May apat na ‘F’ dito ah… Ano yun?”
JUAN: “Inay, ang meaning po nun ay FASADO.”
INAY: “Aah, akala ko pa naman FERFECT!”

Pagalingan sa Espada
CHINESE: “Hyaaaah! Patay agad ang langaw.”
HAPON: “Hyaaaah! Putol ulo ng langaw.”
PINOY: “Hyaaaah! Lumipad ang langaw.”
CHINESE at HAPON: “Haha… Bobo ka pala eh!”
PINOY: “Ha! Papatayin pala akala ko tutuliin lang!”

Continue reading