SMS Jokes 2011-258

**Courtesy of Mike

BATA: "Ale, pautang ng sardinas, bukas ang bayad."
TINDERA: "Eto LATA, bukas na din yung laman!"

Simula nung maghiwalay tandem nina Gerald Anderson at Kim Chiu…
Si Gerald naging Abnoy (BUDOY)
Si Kim naging Tomboy (Binondo Girl)

Panalo Daw Si Pacman!
Pero Natalo Na Naman
Sa PAGANDAHAN ng NANAY!

HUSBAND: "Panay ang nood mo ng mga Cooking shows sa AFC hindi naman sumasarap ang luto mo!"
WIFE: (galit) "Palagi kamg nanood ng Porn di ka naman gumagaling magromansa!"

QUESTION: Does the penis deserve overtime and hazard pay?
ANSWER: Yes? Because it works in deep, damp, hot tunnels, often head down and mostly in night shifts!

Steve Jobs is now working for God in Heaven to make iWIFE…
Beauty and Brain
plus
MUTE button!

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SMS Jokes 2011-257

**Courtesy of Mike

BOY: "Ikaw ba ang nagslice nung cake?"
GIRL: "Bakit?"
BOY: "Kasi gusto kong matikman yang hiwa mo."
(Ahm! wag marumi isip!)

MUM: "Hurry up!! What are you doing?"
BOY: "I am coming!"
MUM: "Since when did you start to wank?"

Son asks his father, "Papa, what were those noises last night?" Quite puzzled, the father replies, "Your mom and I were making cake."
The son says, "Aha… I knew it  was… l licked the ICING on your bed, the cake must be delicious!"

WIFE: "You’re extremely rude! All the time I was talking, you kept yawning!"
HUSBAND: "I was not yawning. I was trying to say something..but you didn’t let me!"

Its official!
Si Lolong ang pinakamalaking buwaya sa mundo, ayon sa representatives ng Guinness.
Di pa kasi nila nakikita si Mike Arroyo!

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SMS Jokes 2011-256

**Courtesy of MIKE

GIRL: "Man0ng tulungan nyo naman ako."
MAN0NG: "Bakit?"
GIRL: "Nawawala kasi yung tatay ko. Galing kaming pr0binsya."
MAN0NG: "Hmm, sige pero sumama ka muna sa akin."
(Sumama ang girl sa m0tel)
MAN0NG: "Hubarin mo it0ng sh0rt ko."
GIRL: "Sige!"
MAN0NG: "Hawakan mo titi ko tapos ilapit mo yung bibig mo."
GIRL: "Ganito?"
MAN0NG: "Oo! Alam mo na ang gagawin mo?"
GIRL: "Opo!"
MAN0NG: "Sige, gawin mo na!"
GIRL: "NANAWAGAN PO KO Sa TATAY KO! KuNG Na SaAN Ka MAN TAY UMUWI Ka NA!"

Titser nadulas, istudyante nagtawanan.
TITSER: "May nakakatawa ba?"
STUDENT: "Malamang, Mam. Tatawa ba kami kung wala?"

Kung humingi ng birthday gift sayo crush mo,
HALIKAN MO NA LANG,
pag ayaw niya, sabihin mo,
IBALIK NIYA NA LANG!

Girl at boy nagtatalo..
GIRL: "Sinasabi ko sau lahat ng kaya ng mga lalaki, kaya rin ng mga babae.. Tingnan mo.. may engineer na babae, may pulis na babae, may sundalong babae…"
BOY: "Talaga lang ah… pero may alam akong kaya ng limang lalaki, na hindi kaya ng lima, sampu, o kahit 20 na babae pa!"
GIRL: "Ano yun? Magbuhat ng bus? Sira ka ba?"
BOY: "Hindi! Kaya ba ng limang babae na umihi sa isang arinola ng sabay-sabay?"

EMPLOYEE: "My wife wants me to take a leave tomorrow since the basement, garage and garden have to be cleaned."
BOSS: "Sorry, I can’t give you a leave."
EMPLOYEE: "Thanks, boss, I knew you would help me."

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SMS Jokes 2011-255

**Courtesy of Mike

LOLO at LOLA nag-uusap:
LOLO: "Iba na talaga ang panahon ngayon! Noon pag sinabing APPLE at BLACKBERRY alam mo na prutas at wala ng iba."
LOLA: "Ahay oonga! Noon pag sinabing SAMSUNG alam mo agad na yun ang asawa ni DELILAH!"

If you are SEXY ingatan ang BODY
baka magka-BABY ka ng walang DADDY!

HOW TO KILL A GIRL?
Give her many beautiful dresses.
Expensive cosmetics.
Awesome jewelry.
And then,

LOCK HER IN A ROOM WITHOUT ANY MIRROR!

MAN: "Archeologist found a hundred thousand year old jawbone of a female."
WIFE: "How do they know it was a woman’s jaw?"
MAN: "It was still moving!"

Man comes home from his cardiologist and says, "Sorry love, we can’t have sex anymore, it can be fatal to me."
She asks, "How come?"
"He warned me to stay away from everything that contains fat!"

GIRL: "Ano ba talaga ideal girl mo?"
BOY: "Yung parang manok!"
GIRL: "Ah, yung magaling makipag-away?"
BOY: "Hindi.. yung palaging.. nakabantay sa aking itlog!"

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