Mabuhay Ka, Pacman!

Congrats Manny! (close?)

pacman

“He doesn’t fight for the money (that’s our only concern, his money); a real boxer fights for the fight. It is his only world.”Teddy Locsin Jr.

 

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“The greatest Filipino of all time. He doesn’t even mind the gaping wound above his left eye. Only Pinoy with full scrotum.”Teddy Locsin Jr.

#JeepneyMoments101

Galing Twitter.

Huwag mahiyang mag-LIKE kung nakaka-relate ha? 😀

jeepneymoments 4-7-2014 10-41-29 PM

  • …yung mga babaeng takip ng takip ng cleavage pag nababa….. kahit wala namang cleavage.
  • …yung imbis “PARA” yung sabihin mo, “BABYE” ang nasigaw mo.
  • …yung bababa ka na nga lang mauuntog ka pa.
  • …yung kumakabog na yung dibdib mo sa lakas ng sounds ni Manong Driver.
  • …yung sampung piso nga binayad mo itatanong pa sa yo kung ilan. “Kuya, dalawa, babayaran din kita.”
  • …yung katabi mong akala ata nasa photoshoot at feel na feel yung pag hangin effect sa buhok nya.
  • …yung may mag-syotang PDA, naiisip mo na lang na, “Dun kayo sa motel maglampungan. Jeep to! JEEP!”
  • …yung nag -123 ka sa sobrang kahirapan ng buhay.
  • …yung pinapakain ng katabi mong babae yung buhok nya sayo. Nakakabusog.

jeepneymoments 4-7-2014 10-41-53 PM

  • …yung may lalaking mukang manyak/snatcher na tumabi sayo ..tapos kung maka-akap ka sa bag mo wagas.
  • …yung hindi pa pinapanganak yung pasahero hinihintay na ng driver sa may kanto.
  • ….yung tinulungan mong ibaba yung gamit ng isang pasahero tapos iniwanan ka ng jeep!
  • …yung may makakasabay kang kakilala tapos kunware di mo sya nakita. Di bale nang magka-stiff neck ka.
  • …yung may sinakay na ataul sa jeep tapos zombie ang laman.
  • …yung nakatulog yung cute na guy na katabi mo sa balikat mo tapos hinayaan mo lang. Landi pota.
  • …yung tipong gusto mo nang hamunin ng palakihan ng etits yung mamang todo bukaka sa punuan na jeep.
  • …yung Guapo ang katabi mo..ngunit..subalit..datapwat..guapo rin hanap niya!
  • …yung may nakasakay kang dalawang gwapo at mlalaman mong  magjowa pala sila.

jeepneymoments 4-7-2014 10-48-34 PM

  • …yung bagong baba ka pa lang sa isang jeep tapos may bagong daan na jeep, titigil sa harap mo sabay tanong ng driver “sasakay ka ne?”
  • …yung natawa ka kase may nahuli kang nangungulangot.
  • …yung nakita mo sya nangulangot tapos mag-papaabot ng bayad sa yo.
  • …yung fresh kang sumakay, mukhang bangkay kang bumaba
  • …yung sobrang bilis magdrive nung driver. “MANONG, NAGMAMADALI KAMING PUMASOK! DI KAMI NAGMAMADALING MAMATAY!”
  • …yung mag isa ka na lang tapos biglang huminto ang jeep dahil iihi yung drayber.
  • ….yung pumara ka tapos mga after 1km pa huminto yung jeep.
  • …yung Cute ang katabi + Traffic = Lord, Thank you.
  • …yung you make pacute when an attractive pasahero is sitting beside/in front of you, make ayos your buhok then make labas ur dimples.
  • …yung *random guy peeks at your cellphone while you’re texting* you suddenly type: “bakla ako, kiss kita gusto mo?”
  • …yung di ka na makahinga kasi sa kanan, LASING. Sa kaliwa, MAY PUTOK.
  • …yung biglang PRENO. Instant DOMINO?

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  • ….yung “Manong bayad po oh. Estudyante nag-aaral ng mabuti.”
  • …yung “Ma, para po, thank you.”
  • …yung hindi binigyan ng limos yung bata nagsabi ng ‘Mamatay na kayong lahat sabay sabay! Madisgrasya sana kayo!”
  • …yung uupo sa harapan para makita at matitigan ang sarili sa salamin.
  • …yung naka-uniform ka na, tatanungin ka pa ng…. “Estudyante?” Hindi Manong. Janitor ako, Janitor!
  • ….yung sigaw ng driver na “Maluwag pa! Maluwag pa! Pwede pa kayong mag badminton sa loob!”
  • …yung sigaw ng driver na “Maluwag pa! Maluwag pa! Araw-araw ‘tong jeep ginagamit kaya maluwag pa!” 
  • …yung biglang nag-ring yung phone mo at tapos lahat ng pasahero mapapatingin sa ‘yo.
  • …yung may gumagalaw na kakaiba. Exhibitionists! Kadiri kayo. Pakyu all.
  • …yung hindi inaabot yung pamasahe mo at tinititigan lang nila ang kamay mo na para bang first time lang nila makakita ng pera.

jeepneymoments 4-7-2014 10-50-36 PM

PASAHERO: “Manong Para po.” (Hindi huminto ang jeep.)
PASAHERO: “Para!!!! Mamang bingi!”

  •  

IKAW: “Maaaaa, bayad po!”
PEOPLE: *Pretending to do something*
IKAW: “Bayad po!”
PEOPLE: *stares at you*

IKAW: “Manong, sa LRT po yang bente.”
DRIVER: “Sa LRT?”
IKAW: “Hinde, sa puso mo. Pa ulit-ulet?”

Ikaw, while super conyo sa jeep:
IKAW: “My payment, brother dear.”
DRIVER: “Saan to?”
IKAW: “Corner of 711.”
IKAW: “I’m going down na po.”

IKAW: “Para po…”
.
.
.
IKAW: “Manong, Paraaaa!”
.
.
.
EVERYBODY NOW: “Para daw!!!”

PASAHERO: “Para po!”
DRIVER: “Bababa?”
PASAHERO: “Hindi sasakay ulet!”

BARKER: “O! MOA! MOA!”
IKAW: “Chup chup?”

 

 

oOo

“Life is better when you’re laughing.”

Monday Humor 04.07.14

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Nagkita sa heaven ang kaluluwa ng isang GRO at ng madre…
MADRE: “Di ba GRO ka noong nabubuhay ka pa?”
GRO: “Opo sister.”
MADRE: “Bakit andito ka sa langit?”
GRO: “Kasi nagsisi ako ng malapit na akong mamatay.”
MADRE: “Tsk tsk tsk kung alam ko lang nag enjoy na lang sana ako…”

WIFE: “What are you doing?”
HUSBAND: “Nothing.”
WIFE: “Nothing..? You’ve been reading our marriage certificate for in hour?”
HUSBAND: “I was looking for the expiration date.”

Picture Taking 101
1. Pag gusto mong gumanda at mapansin sa picture, tumabi ka sa mas panget sa yo.
2. Pag mataba ka, huwag kang pupuwesto sa dulo. Magmumukha kayong BBQ.
3. Huwag kang magpabango, hindi yan maamoy na mga titingin ng pictures niyo.
4. Wag masyado sa pulbos. Baka pagkamalan kang member ng jabbowackezz.
5. Pag panget ka, bawal mag selfie sa gabi. Baka akalain ng mga tao, bagong poster ng horror movie. Undin 3D.
6. Pag payat ka, huwag kang gigitna sa dalawang mataba. Magmumukha kayong Jolly Hotdog.
7. Iwasan magdala ng cam. Magiging taga picture ka lang at taga upload.

A priest was always telling senators and congressmen about heaven.
“Why don’t you tell us about hell?” asked one solon.
“There’s no point… you’ll see it yourselves.”

WIFE: “Dear, bakit dati gustong-gusto mo akong pinapanood habang naliligo?”
HUSBAND: “Kasi dati pag pinanood kita tumatayo birdie ko.”
WIFE: “Bakit ngayon ayaw mo na?”
HUSBAND: “Kasi ngayun pag nakita kitang nakahubad, balahibo ko na ang tumatayo!”

COP: “Do you know how fast you were going?”
DRIVER: “I was trying to keep up with the traffic.”
COP: “There’s no traffic.”
DRIVER: “That’s how far behind I am.”

What is the difference between a magician and a politician in Manila?
The magician returns your watch at the end of the performance.

SPORTCASTER: “Manny, in your boxing career, who hit you d hardest?”
MANNY: “Hmm…ang pina kamatindi ay si Kim Henares ng BIR bai, lakas tumira!”

1. Marriage is like espionage, you sleep with the enemy.
2. What is the fastest means of funds transfer? Just say the words ” I do ” and presto, everything is transferred.

“I have a bad headache. I’ll visit the doctor.”
“Nonsense, yesterday, I dashed home, gave a kiss to my wife and the pain disappeared. Why don’t you try it?”
“Good idea! Call up your wife and tell her I’ll be right over.”

BOY: “Hi, Miss! Pwede ba manligaw?”
GIRL: “Haii pohh, bvhAqit kuAh pohh muanliLigaW?”
BOY: “Ay, joke lang. Di ka mabiro!”

**All of the above jokes courtesy of MIKE.

 

 

oOo

“Ingatan mo yung taong palabiro, palatawa at mapang-asar. Kadalasan kasi sila yung pinakamasarap magmahal.”

Sunday Humor 04.06.14

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Magshota sa sinehan. Pinilit ni babae ipasok ang kamay niya sa pantalon ni lalake.
LALAKE: “Huwag diyan, di ako sanay eh.”
BABAE: “Bakit? Di naman nila nakikita eh.”
LALAKE: “Uhm, di talaga ako sanay.”
BABAE: “Di naman nila alam ginagawa natin eh.”
LALAKE: “Wag na kase.”
BABAE: “Bakit?”
LALAKE: “Nakalimutan ko mag-brief eh.”

A guy came home from work and saw his girlfriend walking around the house in his shirt and boxers. He thought nothing of it. The next day, the girlfriend came home and found his boyfriend in her blouse and undies. Suddenly, she said, “We have to have a little chat…”

JUAN: “Kahit tindero lang ako ng fishball, me anak ako sa Ateneo, UP at La Salle!”
PEDRO: “Wow, ano course?”
JUAN: “Ala, titinda din ng fishball!”

A man forgot his laptop on the floor of his room. His grandmother thought it was a scale.
His conclusion: Grandma weighs $950.

Mga Nakakatakot na Linya ng mga Babae Kahit Minsan Wala Naman Dapat Ikatakot:
1. “Kailangan nating magusap…”
2. “Wala ka bang aaminin sa akin?”
3. “May nakakita daw sayo…”
4. “Bakit may ganito kang text?”
5. “Sino si (pangalan ng babae)?”

A stoned guy at McDo.
GUY: “Can I have a McChicken, a pack of cigarettes and a bottle of vodka.”
CREW: “Sir, this is McDonalds.”
GUY: “Ok sorry, I meant McCigarettes and McVodka.”

JUAN: “Ba’t nagpulbo ka? Mukha kang Crinkles.”
JOSE: “Ikaw nga nag Turtle neck, mukha ka tuloy na Roll On.”

If your wife or girlfriend catches you looking at another woman, turn to her and say, “I’m glad you don’t dress like that.” 😀

BOY: “Isang bagay lang naman ang hinihiling kong magkapareho tayo eh.”
GIRL: “Ano?”
BOY: “Apelyido.”
GIRL: “Sige papaampon na kita bukas kina mama at papa para madagdagan kapatid ko.”

A catechism teacher chose the story of Samson for her primary class. “This is the story of the strongest man who ever lived, “ she began, “can you guess his name?”
The children looked bewildered, so she gave them a clue. “His name starts with the letter S.”
In unison, the kids shouted, “SUPERMAN!”

PEDRO: “Dre, I saw your girl washing dishes at a restaurant last night. I didn’t know she works there.”
JUAN: “She doesn’t.Pedro: Ha? I saw her!”
JUAN: “She cheated on me so I asked her for a date, took her there, told her not to bring her purse, I got this. So we ordered and the bill came to P20,000. I told her I was going to the bathroom but instead I left.”

**All of the above jokes courtesy of Mike.

 

 

oOo

“Women don’t know what they want…Until they see what another woman has.”

Recipe: Vanilla Cupcakes

My new favorite to bake.

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Vanilla Cupcakes

  • 1 1/2 cups flour
  • 1 teaspoon baking powder
  • 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
  • 1/2 teaspoon salt
  • 1 egg
  • 1 eggyolk
  • 1 cup sugar
  • 1 1/2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
  • 1/2 cup butter, softened
  • 1/2 cup buttermilk (or 1/2 cup milk plus 1/2 teaspoon white vinegar or lemon juice- add acid to the milk then set aside for 5 minutes before using)

Directions-

  1. Preheat oven to 350*F.
  2. In a medium bowl, add flour, baking powder, baking soda and salt.  Stir together with whisk, and set aside.
  3. In the bowl of an electric mixer, add eggs, eggyolk and beat 10-20 seconds.  Add sugar and continue to beat on medium speed about 30 seconds.  Add vanilla and oil, beat.
  4. Reduce mixer speed to low and slowly add about half of the flour mixture.  Add half of the milk, then the rest of the flour and the rest of the milk.  Beat until just combined.  Scrap down the side of the bowl.
  5. Pour batter into a muffin pan prepared with paper liners.  Fill liners about 2/3 full.
  6. Bake cupcakes in pre-heated oven for 12-14 minutes.

 

 

oOo

“When SOMEONE gives you a NICKNAME, it means you are SPECIAL to that person.”

Labyu Sabado

Piktyur-piktyur kasama ang mga taga-gising ko sa umaga.

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Pwersado akong bumangon agad sa higaan, otherwise walang tigil ang mga ‘to sa pagkalabit ng ulo ko at kadidila ng paa ko.

Kayo? Sino taga-gising sa inyo?

 

Ganda ng sikat ng araw ngayon. Tirik na tirik!

Tiyak ko, tuwang-tuwa ang mga mister ngayon kasi matutuyo agad ang mga labada nila. Lol!

Magandang Sabado po sa atin lahat!

 

 

oOo

“I’m strong because I know my weaknesses. I’m wise because I’ve been foolish. I laugh because I’ve known sadness.”

Saturday Humor 04.05.14

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Three Words Women Most Want To Hear From A Man:
“You Lost Weight!”

Mga Klase Ng Suweldo:
Sibuyas na Suweldo – kapag hinati-hati mo na sa gastusin.. mapapaluha ka.
Pampapayat na Suweldo – Habang tumatagal, pakonti ng pakonti ang natitirang pangkain mo.
Magic Suweldo – Konti kumpas lang ng kamay at, VOILA!… wala na siya.
Mala-bagyong Suweldo – Di ka siguradong kung kailang ito darating at kung gaano ito tatagal.
Korning Pelikulang Suweldo – Tinatawanan mo na lang para di ka mabwisit
Konserbatibong  Suweldo – Nakakawala nang inspirasyon
Reglang Suweldo – Isang beses sa isang buwan lang dumadating at tumatagal lang ng tatlong araw.

Walking around a hypermart, a wife told her husband she is leaving him because he is irresponsible and hasn’t grown up.
The husband was so shocked he almost fell out of the shopping cart.

In case, a Makati court allows it, suspected pork barrel scam queen, Janet Napoles will use her own money, not taxpayers’ money for her surgery. Some wags ask, “What’s the difference?”

PEDRO: “Honey, bakit pag nag-aaway tayo hindi ka lumalaban o sumasagot man lang sakin katulad ng mga misis ng nga kumpare ko? Pano mo nakokontrol ang galit mo?”
MINERVA: “Wala yun! Dinadaan ko lang sa paglilinis ng inidoro..”
PEDRO: “Talaga? Pano naman nakakatulong ang bagay na yun sayo?”
MINERVA: “Yung toothbrush mo ang ginagamit ko!”

You know you’re getting on with the years..
When an “all nighter” means not getting up to pee..
When all the names in your black book have M. D. after them..
When “getting lucky” means finding your car in the parking building..
When the candles cost more than the cake!

Isang araw bumisita ang may-ari sa kanyang pabrika at may nakita siyang lalaking nakatayo at walang ginagawa kaya nilapitan niya eto at tinanong, “Magkano ang sinusuweldo mo buwan-buwan?”
“8 libo po sir.”

Kinuha ng may-ari ang wallet at dumukot ng 24 libong piso. “Eto ang 3 buwan mong suweldo at wag ka nang babalik dito, ang binabayaran ko dito yung mga taong nagtatrabaho hindi yung magsasayang lang ng oras!”
Mabilis umalis ang lalake at tinawag ng may-ari yung isang manager niya, “Ano ba pangalan nuong pinaalis kong yun?”
“Ah, di ko alam, boss, Pizza Hut delivery boy yun.”

A guy at a bar said to the barmen, “Give me six double brandy.” The barman remarked, “Wow! You must have had a bad day!”
“Yes, I’ve found my older brother is gay,”
the man replied.
Next day, the man returned to the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the barman asked what the problem was today, the reply was, “I found out that my younger brother is gay too.”
On the third day, the man came into the bar and ordered another six double brandy. “Wow! Doesn’t anybody in your family like broads?”
“Yeah, my wife..”
was the reply.

Maraming babae ang nauwi sa ganito:
Elementary – Valedictorian
High School – Salutatorian
College – Ceasarian

Palusot ng isang lasinggero…
“Nagkataon lang na may pera ako at may alak sa tindahan. It means, coincidence ang lahat!”

LALAKE: “May ibibigay akong gift sayo, pero hulaan mo.”
BABAE: “Sige, clue naman.”
LALAKE: “Kailangan ito ng leeg mo.”
BABAE: “Kwintas?”
LALAKE: “Hindi, panghil0d!”

Dear Babaero at Lalakera..
Masyado bang maluwang ang puso mo at nagkasya silang lahat?

 

**All of the above jokes courtesy of MIKE.

 

oOo

“Every girl needs a man. A man who will prove that not every guy in this world is the same as the one who hurt her.”

Maparaan

Sa anim kong mga alaga…’tong si Argo talaga ang maparaan sa paghahanap ng maayos na matutulugan.

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Wa siya pakels kahit anong maging chura ng katawan niya…ang importante, malambot ang mapagsiksikan na pwesto.

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Mga ganitong tanawin lang dito sa bahay ko…nangingiti na talaga ako. Ay lab my furkids!

 

Happy weekend sa mga kapwa kong dog lover! 😀

 

 

oOo

“I am not lucky, I am blessed.”