Pangontra Sa Ginaw

Eto ang pangontra ko sa lamig ng panahon ngayon at sa “unli-rain” na dala ni Agaton.

Arroz Caldo.

Kalokah tong si Agaton, kung makabuhos ng ulan sa Mindanao eh parang wala ng bukas. Hindi tuloy makapaglaro ang mga aso ko sa labas at panay tulog na lang ang ginagawa. Parang nagsisitabaan na.

image

Sana bukas ay OK na ang panahon. Miss ko na si Haring Araw, pramis.

 

oOo

“Maganda ang buhay kaya smile lang.”

 

 

Friday Humor 01.17.14

2014-01-08 00.39.52

"Horrorscope" for 2014:
VP BINAY: Magigising ka na lang isang umaga, may malaking tattoo ka na. Ang nakasulat, "Donated by the Office of the Vice President Jejomar Binay." Kontrahin ang sumpa! Magdasal!
SEC. MAR ROXAS: Mabubuntis si Ate Koring. Si VP Binay ang mapaglilihihan. Good luck!
JANET NAPOLES: Makakatakas ka sa Fort Sto. Domingo bago mag-Hulyo. Ay mali, hindi ka makakatakas! Patatakasin ka! Yamaan!
SEN. BONG REVILLA: Marami pang ibabatong putik sayo. Samantalahin ang publicity! Ituloy ang planong remake ng "Nardong Putik."

HUSBAND: "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"
WIFE: "I want to go somewhere I’ve never been to in my entire life?"
HUSBAND: "How about the beauty parlor?"

May nililigawan si Boy..
BOY: "Alam mo…"
GIRL: "Ano?"
BOY: "Hindi ako mayaman para bilhin ang kahapon, pero handa akong utangin ang ngayon, makasama ka lang sa habang panahon."
GIRL: "Aww ang sweet mo… bakit moko gusto makasama sa habang panahon?"
BOY: "Parang ang sarap mo kasing kasex eh."

Two little kids were lying to each other while playing with grandpa watching them. The old man couldn’t help it and said, "During our days, you die if you tell a lie."
One of the kids looked at him and replied, "Wow, and you made it to 80?"

Sa mall pagkatapos kumain..
GF: "Bayaran mo na bill."
BF: "Ok."
GF: "Paki buhat ng bag ko."
BF: "Ok."
GF: "Wala na akong load, pasahan mo ako."
BF: "Ok."
GF: "Pumara ka na ng taxi…"
BF: "Ok."
(nung nakasakay na ng taxi)
GF: "Ano gagawin natin?"
BF: "Sex tayo?"
GF: "Ayoko!"
BF: "Bakit?"
GF: "Dahil ang girlfriend ay minamahal at di ginagawang parausan!"
BF: "Sige, pero ang boyfriend ay minamahal at di rin ginagawang taga libre, taga bitbit ng bag, taga pasa load at di ginagawang utusan! Sobra ka na! Break na tayo!"
GF: "Sex tayo?"
BF: "Ok."
LESSON: Nagrereklamo ang mga babae na malibog ang mga lalake pero dahil sa libog na yan, nakakalamang sila sa mga lalake.

FIRE CHIEF’S EX-WIFE HOUSE CATCHES FIRE AS THE FIREMEN WATCHES.
The Chief was quoted as saying, "Well, she has a restraining order against me and all my family, and us guys at the fire house are just one big family."

A shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business like his own opened up next door and put up a huge sign which read "BEST DEALS."
He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign reading "LOWEST PRICES."
The shopkeeper panicked till he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his shop that read "MAIN ENTRANCE."

Inuwi ni boy si girl matapos ang first date nila. Nung nasa pintuan na ng bahay ni girl..
GIRL: "Kape ka muna bago ka umuwi."
BOY: "Wow, sure!"
Pumasok ang dalawa at pinaupo ang lalake sa sofa. Nung nakaupo na si boy, biglang hinalikan ni girl si boy at pinatugan. Nilabas na ni girl ang nota ni boy at nagtanggal ng panty..
BOY: "Teka, huwag mong kalimutan yung…"
GIRL: "Yung condom? Don’t worry, nagpi-pills ako. Safe na safe." (sabay kindat at ngiti)
BOY: "Hindi, yung kape ko, natakam ako eh."
LESSON: Madaling umasa ang mga lalake sa mga pangako ng mga babae kahit hindi ito minsan naman tinutupad… kawawa ang mga lalake.

A man got banned from a bookstore for moving the "CAUTION: WET FLOOR" sign to the erotic section of the store.

Ang lalake pag biglang nawala, nag MOVE ON na.
Ang babae kapag biglang nawala, BUNTIS.

A lady boarded a fully loaded bus. A middle-aged man who is seated ignored her.
She asks, "Excuse me, sir, would you mind standing so a pregnant lady can sit?" He stands up for her and he saw she doesn’t look pregnant.
He says, "Excuse me, miss, how long have you been pregnant?"
She replies, "About 5 minutes, and boy, my legs are tired!"

A man said his wife has so many shoes in their bedroom looks like the entrance to a mosque.

TODAY’s BANAT: 

“Miss,paki sabi naman sa boobs mo na tigilan na iyong pagtingin sa mata ko.”

BOY: "Bakit di mo pa ako sinasagot?"
GIRL: "Ganun talaga kapag dalagang pilipina… mahinhin, konserbatibo, at matagal magpaligaw."
BOY: "Pero mahal kita."
GIRL: "Mahal mo ba talaga ako?"
BOY: "Oo mahal na mahal."
GIRL: "Kaya mo bang isigaw sa buong mundo na mahal mo ako?"
BOY: "Oo… kayang kaya."
GIRL: "Sige nga patunayan mo."
BOY: (bumulong sa tenga ng girl) "mahal kita?"
GIRL: "Bakit sakin mo lang binulong?"
BOY: "Kasi ikaw ang mundo ko."
GIRL: "Wow ha… chupain kita diyan eh."

**All of the above jokes courtesy of MIKE.

oOo

“Kapag mas marami na ang bad memories kaysa sa good ones. It’s time for you to walk away.”

Weder-Weder Lang

2014-01-16 07.29.32

Malalaglag na yata utong ko sa tigas at lamig ng panahon ngayon ah! Lol!

Since last week pa nag-uulan dito sa “bansa” namin sa Mindanao. Sa umaga, ang ginaw-ginaw. Hirap bumangon at talagang masusubukan ang tapang mo sa lamig ng tubig kahit maghihilamos lang. Eh wala pa naman akong water heater sa banyo namin, that means last week pa akong walang ligo at puro wisik-wisik lang akey. Waaah! Charot lang.

Hays, buti na lang alaws akong jowa na aamoy-amoy sa akin. :D

Heniwey, di naman buong taon taglamig ang panahon dito sa Pinas kaya keri lang ang ganitong weder. Pansamantala lang ‘to.

Kesa ma-imbyerna, mas minabuti kong samantalahin at i-enjoy ang weder sa pamamagitan ng paglalabas ng mga tinatago kong mga turtle neck blouses, mufflers, mga sosyaling fur coats ko at magsuot ng leather hand gloves at boots kahit nasa bahay lang ako. Exajs! Hahaha! Walang basagin ng trip.

Happy Thursday, lovelies!

 

oOo

“One of the most rewarding moments in life is when you finally find the courage to let go of what you can’t change.”

Thursday Humor 01.16.14

2014-01-13 06.42.44

LALAKE: “Good afternoon, baby! Kamusta ang araw mo?”
BABAE: “Ok naman, baby, ikaw? Kamusta?”
LALAKE: “Great. Namamasyal. Lahat ng nakikita ko ay nagpapaalala sa magandang mukha mo.”
BABAE: “Awww! Nasaan ka ba ngayon, baby?”
LALAKE: “Sa zoo.”

TANONG:  Ano’ng  gamot ang ‘hayop’ panlunas sa pigsa?
SAGOT: Cat-ialis

Kapag pinakyu ka ng crush o asawa mo, dapat matuwa ka!
Pucha!
Inaya ka na nga, tatanggi ka pa?

Scientists have revealed today that they have found a new drug for depressed lesbians.
It’s called TRYADIXAGAIN.

Tweet ni Sen. Nancy Binay:
"Nakaka trauma talaga diyan sa Quiapo. Magsisimba ako nung pista, bigla ba naman akong pinagbabato ng towels!"
Maligayang Pista ng Poong Nazareno!

Sa isang klase..
GURO: "Boys, remember nothing is impossible!"
PEDRO: "Ok, sir! Paano niyo po mababalik iyong toothpaste doon sa tube niya?"

MEN say they are stronger than WOMEN.
I think that’s a big fat lie.
*Can MEN carry a 7 pound baby in their belly for 9 mos?
*Can they cook, clean & talk on the phone at the same time?
*Can they walk all day on a 5-inch heels?
*Can they cry all night & then wake up the next morning like everything is ok?
*Can they stay alive after 5 days of bleeding?
Remember, women are only helpless until their nail polish dries!

Magka-text ng dalawang magkaibigang babae:
MARIA: "Yeah! Nabawasan ako ng 5 pounds!"
LINA: "Bakit? Tinanggal mo na ba  iyong make-up sa mukha mo?"

A man bought a cheese grater for a blind friend.
Said the blind man, "It was the most violent book he ever read."

Kapag ang isang babae ay hindi hindi kagandahan pero maganda ang katawan, ang tawag "HIPON." Eh paano kung isang grupo? "OKOY," ganun?

A wife is suffering from depression. She phoned her husband, "I feel like jumping in front of a bus and you’re not doing anything to help me!"
He sent her a bus timetable.

A 13 year old girl at a lingerie shop..
GIRL: "Can i see your bras?"
CLERK: "36?"
GIRL: "Smaller."
CLERK: "32?"
GIRL: "Smaller."
CLERK: "24?"
GIRL: "Smaller."
CLERK: "20?"
GIRL: "Smaller."
CLERK: "Miss, you must put some Clearasil, it must be pimple!"

**All of the above jokes courtesy of MIKE.

 

 

oOo

"Treat your guy on how to treat you like a queen."

Shoe Selfie

2014-01-15 12.34.45

Naks! Sumu-shoeselfie ang Mamaru.

Haping-hapi akels kasi may nag-donate ng shoepatos para pangrampa ko sa palengke.

Oo, pampalengke ko ‘to kasi palengke lang naman ang madalas na puntahan ko pag lumalabas. :D

Maiinggit na naman sa akin ang mga tindera ng isda sa bagong shoeses ko. Charot!

 

 

oOo

"Do the things that makes you happy."

Wednesday Humor 01.15.14

lol

A tarpaulin sign outside a hypermart read:
o ~This is your butt hole.
O ~ This is your butt hole in prison.
PLEASE DON’T SHOP LIFT!

GF: "Can you tell me? What is my bra size?"
BF: "36."
GF: "Wow! How did you know?"
BF: "Yesterday, I opened it."
GF: "But my bra has no size label!"
BF: "No need, babe.. I am an Engineer, from its load, I can calculate area…"

Former Manila Mayor Alfredo Lim is a known devotee of the Black Nazarene.
Incumbent Manila Mayor Erap Estrada is known "de-bote."

Whoever has my voodoo doll of me, can you please scratch my butt?
Thanks, I’m in a public place and cannot do it myself!

SEN. MIRIAM: "Anong masarap hawakan lalo na kapag malaki? Umpisa sa "P".
JINGGOY: "Penis ng lalake?"
SEN. "MIRIAM: Wrong!"
ENRILE: "Eh, Pekp*k!"
SEN MIRIAM: "No!"
BONG: "Sori mam, ano po?"
SEN. MIRIAM: "PERA! Mga lintek kayo!"

What do women want?
A few days ago, a lady neighbor visit me while I was having dinner. She got angry when I didn’t invite her to join me.
Today when she visited me, I was taking a shower. I asked her to join me and she got angry again!

Sign in a Chinese Pet Store:
"Buy one dog,
get one flea."

A confession:
GIRL: "I’m 19 and I’m pregnant. How do I tell my parents?"
BOY: "If you can open your legs, then why not your mouth?"

Of his pork related woes, Sen. Bong Revilla told the entertainment press, "Sinurender ko na sa Lord ang lahat."
And Lani Mercado was like, "Alam n’yo na kung na kanino! Kaya huwag lang manghihingi sa amin ang mga tao? Eh anong ibibigay namin?"

After wife’s delivery, a husband asked a nurse, "How long do you think we will be able to have sex?"
The nurse replied, "Meet me in 20 minutes?"

Mister sumampa sa kama ng hubo’t hubad.
MISIS: "Hindi pwede ngayon, masakit ang ulo ko."
MISTER: "Okey lang, binudburan ko naman ng Aspirin yung penis ko."

A little girl was running in her Sunday’s best, praying, "Lord, please don’t let me be late for church." Then she tripped over with her dress all dirty and muddy. Quickly she picks herself up, dusting herself off and goes on running again saying, "Lord, don’t let me be late for church, and please don’t shove me this time."

Megastar Sharon Cuneta, wife of ex-senator Kiko Pangilinan, celebrated her 48th birthday last January 6.
As a birthday gift to herself, she avoided lechon de leche, crispy pata and Twitter.

**All of the above jokes courtesy of MIKE.

 

oOo

"Mahalin mo yung taong naghahabol sayo, hindi yung taong hinahabol mo. Ipinanganak kang tao hindi aso."

Friday Humor 01.10.14

tatae muna

Modern Day Prodigal Son:
Returning to his father saying…
"Father, i am no longer worthy of being called your SON…
Because i am
now your DAUGHTER!"

Kasabihan:
Ang barkadang hindi marunong lumingon sa pinagsamahan,
huwag nang tagayan sa susunod na inuman.

Why is a Christmas tree better than a man?
It stays UP for twelve days and nights, has cute balls and looks good with the lights on!

Yung mga taong trip makinig ng music habang nagsesex, piliin niyo iyong live album.
Para lagi kayong nakakatanhap ng palakpakan kada 3-4 minutes.

A man said to his wife, "I don’t know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all the time."
The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me. God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you."

Girl1: "Ooh, I like your jeans. What brand are they?"
Girl2: "Guess."
Girl1: "Umm… Old Navy."
Girl2: "Guess!!?"
Girl1: "Uh… Levi’s?"
Girl2: "Guess!! GUESS!"
Girl1: "Okay, I’ll keep guessing, but you don’t have to be so pushy about it!"

Pag inaaway ka ng asawa/boyfriend mo, sabihin mo..
"Buti pa yung itlog mo, binabati mo. Ako inaaway mo."

Mars Mission
Out of the initial 200,000, the number of people who applied for a one-way trip the planet Mars has been narrowed down to 1,058. The bad news for our country is no Filipino politician made it.

Food is like sex. When you abstain, even the worst stuff begins to look good.

SMS Text:

GF: “Gago!”
BF: “Huwag mo ko murahin, di ikaw ang nagpapakain sa’kin!”
GF: “Weh? Gabi-gabi mo nga ako kinakain eh.”

What’s the difference between a man and a parking lot?
All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

Exchange gift tayo.
Sa’yo ang pag-ibig ko,
akin ang virginity mo.

Women are interested in men’s history, while…
Men are interested in women’s geography.

Two fat women were walking when the bus came..
One says to the other, "Is it my turn to ride the bus today?"

Nanood ng dvd ang mag-tito.
KIKO: "Tito, natatakot ako."
TITO: "Wag ka matakot, ok lang yan."
KIKO: "Mamamatay ba yung babae? Sigaw ng sigaw."
TITO: "Parang oo yata… anlaki ng ari ng negrong ito."

**All of the above jokes courtesy of MIKE.

 

oOo

"Minsan kasi kailangan mong maging masama para sa mga taong walang hiya."

Thursday Humor01.09.14

piso print

  •  

FACEBOOK FEVER
A guy updates his status, "I’m gonna sleep on terrace tonight."
70 mosquitoes "liked" his status…

Jeje New Year’s Resolution:
Dahil nagmamature na ako hindi na ako maglalagay ng LIL_ZuPL4D4hH sa pangalan ko. Lh4Dy_Mh4Ld1T4Hh na.

  •  

PAALALA:
Huwag umutot habang naka-headphones..
Baka hindi mo mantantiya ang tunay niyang lakas.

A mother and her little son in a mass while the priest was preaching. The priest said, "Do you know the devil?"
The mom turned to her son and said, "I guess the priest knows your dad, too."

A woman tells her husband, "We will not be together in heaven as we may die at different times, my dear."
After a pause, her husband replied, "My dear, that is why the place is known as ‘Heaven.’"

Sabi ng doktor mo, kumain ka ng gulay!
Pero hindi yung talong ng mister mo. Karne pa rin iyon!

A man walks into a bar and says, "All politicians are assholes."
A guy stands up and shouts, "Hey! I resent that!" First fella looks at him and says, "Why, are you a politician?"
He replies, "Hell no, I’m an asshole."

BF: “Ang hirap kumita ngayon, noh?”
GF: “Di ba sabi ni P-noy tumataas ang economy?”
BF: “Ewan ko ba kaya heto, tipid tayo.”
GF: “Tantiya ko nga, itong order natin, sa halip na tagsilog eh tapsi na lang, wala nang itlog.”
BF: “Pasensya ka na, wala na akong pera eh.”
GF: “Ok lang, pasalat na lang sa itlog mo… para tapsilog na rin!”
BF: “Ako rin!”
GF: “Anong ikaw rin?”
BF: “Silog na lang ito, eh! Pasalat sa tilapia para tilapsilog.”

  •  

One day, a father called during his six children together and asked, "Now tell me, who has been most obedient during last week and did every mother asked?" In one voice they all replied, "You, Daddy!"

Drama ng mga matataba:
"Ang mga damit ko, hindi basta basta mauubos! Pero yung mga kasya, konting-konti na lang!"

  •  

A wife has been missing for five days and the police told the husband to expect the worse…
so he went to "ukay-ukay" and bought back all her clothes.

GF: "Can you tell me? What is my bra size?"
BF: "36."
GF: "Wow! How did you know?"
BF: "Yesterday, I opened it."
GF: "But my bra has no size label!"
BF: "No need, babe.. I am an Engineer, from its load, I can calculate area…"

Pagkatapos ng PUTUKAN,
PASUKAN naman! Parang baligtad yata ah!

**All of the above jokes courtesy of MIKE.

 

oOo

“Alam mo ba kung bakit mas nauna ang A kesa sa B? Kasi mas importante ang Attitude kesa sa Beauty.”

Wednesday Humor 01.08.14

bres sa ngipon

  •  

Christmas is over.
We can all go back to hating the Tandas, and the Pogis and the Sexys of this world..
And the Ma’am Janets and Ma’am Arlenes too.

Magshota natutulog ng biglang magising si GF at sinampal si BF..
BF: "Aray! Bakit mo naman ako sinampal?"
GF: "Niloko mo ako, nambabae ka!"
BF: "Ano? Kailan?"
GF: "Sa panaginip ko."

Kapag lalake, Pagpag.
Kapag babae, hugas pepe?

Husbands and Wives are always open to compromises..
Husbands admit that they were wrong,
and Wives agreed with them.

PULIS: "Ikaw ba ang pumatay sa lalaking ito?"
SUSPECT: "Hindi po ako. Yung bala po ang nakapatay sa kanya. Ang bala po ay gawa sa tingga na galing sa lupa. At ang lupa po ay parte ng kalikasan. Kaya siya po ang namatay sa "natural cause.""

A young couple in love in the rain..
Instead of hugging each other, they were looking for polybags to cover their mobile phones. :)

Natiis ang HAPDI,
Ang KATI hindi!
Kung makati lang naman,
Eh di sana kinamot na laang! Sos!

Notice on the bulletin board at a wresting arena:
"There will be a rehearsal for tonight’s bout."

"Pussy is the greatest creation of God." – Jay Contreras
May bumulong, "passage to heaven" daw!

Dear cellphone,
Bakit ba tuwing sina-silent mode kita, tsaka ka nawawala bigla sa pinaglagyan ko?

A lady was about to jump into the pool but ran back into the locker room. The lifeguard asked what happened.
"My lipstick does not match with my swim suit," she replied.

Unang mong gawin, hubarin ang kanya saplot..
sunod, sabunutan ang lumitaw ng mga buhok..
pangatlo, sisipsipin ang lumabas na katas..
at huli, lasapin mo ang sarap ng hubog na laman..
ganyan ang tamang pagkain ng MAIS. wag kang bastos diyan!

PEDRO: "Sikat talaga si Pacquiao no?"
JUAN: "Bakit naman? Bumili kasi ako ng bagong phone, may option na send to many."
JUAN: "Ang tanga nito, matagal na kaya yan. Hindi naman nagrereply yan eh."

TEACHER: “Real love is when two people are so close that they see the world together in one direction…”
STUDENT: “You mean doggy style?” :D

DALAGA: “Sana may saging kang dala.”
BOY: “Kasi gutom ka na at gusto mong kainin?”
DALAGA: “Hindi, kasi mas malaki yun kesa jan sa ano mo, pwede kong pagtiyagaan.”

When a woman cheats a man, he commits suicide..
Hence, a woman kills a life..
But when a man cheats a woman, a baby is born..
Thus men give life.
LESSON: Men are kind hearted. :D

PROFESSOR: “If a girl becomes unconscious, give her a lip-lock to blow air into her lungs and keep on pressing on her chest with both your hands. Any question?”
STUDENT: “Sir, how do you make her unconscious?”

Nangbumisita si Mayor Binay sa palengke muntik na siyang bagsakan ng malaking kahoy mula sa bubong. Buti na lang at nailigtas siya ng isang binatilyo.
MAYOR BINAY: "Maraming salamat, kuya, sa pagligtas mo sakin. Humingi ka ng kahit ano at ibibigay ko sayo."
BINATILYO: "Wheelchair po."
MAYOR BINAY: "Wheelchair? Eh di ka naman pilay ah!"
BINATILYO: "Kapag po kasi nalaman ng tatay ko na niligtas ko po kayo, siguradong pipilayin niya ako."

**All of the above jokes courtesy of MIKE.

 

oOo

Hindi lahat ng mag-isa "forever alone" yung iba "happy to be alone" lang talaga.

Tuesday Humor 01.07.14

hin

DENR Secretary Ramon Paje says it’s against the law to take wildlife species from their natural habitat.
So why are congressman in the Batasan?!

Ang lalake pag biglang nawala, nag MOVE ON na.
Ang babae kapag biglang nawala, BUNTIS.

Why do women love military men?
It’s NOT the uniform..
It is because they can cook, clean, iron, make beds and sew, but most of all.. they know how to follow orders!

When there is a long gap between engagement and marriage, who benefited the most?
Man? No!
Woman? No!
It’s the mobile phone company!

Nagtext si Boy kay Girl pero hindi niya alam na ama pala ni Girl ang may hawak ng cell.
BOY: "Good Morning babe! Ang galing mo kagabi. Mahusay pala yung bibig mo."
AMA: "Ano? Tatay niya ito. Anong pinagsasabi mo?"
BOY: "Huh? Kamusta po! Hindi po ba niya sinabi sa inyo?"
AMA: (galit) "Anong kailangan niyang sabihin?"
BOY: "Kumanta po siya sa videoke. Ang galing niya po."

AIDS Awareness Slogan:
Either use First Hand
or
Use Hand

Statutory Warning should be mandatory on Wedding Invitation Cards like on cigarette boxes:
"Marriage will be injurious to your WEALTH and HEALTH."

Thought of the day:
Hindi lahat ng lalakeng namumulsa may kinukuha o dinudukot,
yung iba kumakambyo.

A newly wed couple with the groom carrying his bride at the threshold of their new house.
GROOM: “Damn, I can’t find the keyhole…”
BRIDE: “Nice start.”

PORKY: “Choppy! sumama ka daw minsan sa spiritual retreat?”
CHOPPY: “OO! At sa Mindoro ginawa yun. Nung papunta kami dun inabot ng bagyo ang barko namin na galing Batangas.”
PORKY: “Anong ginawa niyo?”
CHOPPY: “Ako ang pinuno kaya tinanong ko kung sino ang mahusay magdasal at pinamalakas ang faith. Nagtaas yung pari namin.”
PORKY: “Tapos?”
CHOPPY: “Sabi ko simulan na niya magdasal habang isinusuot ang mga life vests namin. Kulang kasi ng isa!”

JUAN: “Napanood mo ba yung huling laban ni Pacquiao?”
PEDRO: “Yung kay marquez? Talo siya dun ah.”
JUAN: “Malas nga pero dapat round 2 ay napatulog niya si Marquez.”
PEDRO: “Ows, paano?”
JUAN: “Kasi habang nagpopormahan ang dalawa, may isang pinoy sa ringside na sumisigaw ng "patulugin mo na yan!"
JUAN: “Anong ginawa ni Manny?”
PEDRO: “Tinignan lang ni Manny tapos sumigaw na naman ng paulit-ulit yung pinoy na patulugin mo na yan.”
JUAN: “Ano sabi ni Manny?”
PEDRO: “Pisting yawa! Paano matutulog ‘to ang ingay mo!”

GUY: “What are the three most common words in the world?”
WOMAN: "I love you."”
GUY: “No, it’s "Made in China."

"Aa labas ng bar, nakahiga ng siya, nakapikit na ang kanyang mata, nagdikit ang aming mga labi. Uminit ang eksena. Biglang dumami ang mga miron. Nilipat ko ang mga labi ko sa kanyang leeg habang dahan-dahan kong pinasok ang kamay ko sa kanyang panty. Dun biglang may sumigaw ng…
"Hoy bastos!… Hindi ka naman marunong mag CPR eh!""

PASTOR: “You are now baptized, a new creation. No more alcohol drinks for you. Your new name is David.”
David went back home, headed straight for the fridge… took a bottle of Beer, dipped it in water 3 times.
DAVID: “You are now a new creation; your old name is gone. Your new name is Orange Juice.”

Advise given by a dermatologist to a woman:
"Always go out without a Bra. Nobody will notice your wrinkles and dark circles under your eyes!"

All of the above jokes courtesy of MIKE.

 

oOo

“Ang lalaking nagmamahal ay laging over protective."