Mangosteen Preserve

Two months ago, my brother gave me this as pasalubong from Davao.

Mangosteen Preserve

Pers taym ko lang napag alaman na may Mangosteen Preserve pala. Tsk! Hindi man lang ako na-inform. Lol!

Kanina ko lang binuksan nang mag almusal akey with coffee and toast.

Imperness, masarap siya. Parang ako? Hihihi!

Bihira ako magkagusto ng mga preserve-preserve na palaman. Pero eto…type ko sha. Mas type ko kasi ang mga fruit JAM. Teka, ano nga ba ang pinagkaiba ng fruit preserve vs jam? Aaaaaaaaah! Kever! Erase, erase nyo na ang tanong ko.

At ang lasa ng Mangosteen preserve na itey? Hmmmnnn…

Siempre lasang Mangosteen sha! Anofengaveh!

Baka naman tumambling kayo pag sinabi kong lasang Durian sha. 😀

 

 

oOo

“I enjoy being alone. Lalo na pag may pagkain.”

Wednesday Humor 01.07.15

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Filipino Dictionary
NEVERMIND: Ang slow mo.
BASTA: Tinatamad akong magexplain.
PAPUNTA NA KO: Kakagising ko lang.
ANG LAMIG: Payakap naman.
KAMUSTA?: Miss na kita.
JOKE LANG: Pero totoo talaga yun.
OKAY LANG AKO: Hindi ako okay. Lambingin mo ko.
NASAAN KA: Nasa labas na ko ng bahay nyo!
AH OKAY: Boring mo kausap.
OH TALAGA?: Hindi ako interesado sa kwento mo.
SIGE LANG: Napipilitan lang naman ako, may choice ba ko?
BAGAY KAYO: Mas bagay tayo.
OKAY NA KAYO?: Sana kasi tayo na lang.
SUNOD NA LANG AKO: Manigas ka jan.
TRY KO: ASA KA!

At the funeral of a lawyer’s wife, people were appalled to read the tombstone: “Here lies, Katrina, wife of Atty. Juan dela Cruz, Specializes in Divorce and Malpractice suits.” After her burial, the lawyer cried. His brother said, “You should cry, pulling a cheap publicity stunt like this!” The lawyer replied, “You don’t understand, I’m crying because they forgot to include my phone number!”

According to the latest Pulse Asia survey, 6 in 10 Pinoys don’t want a second term for P-Noy.

The six were identified as Jojo, Junjun, Nancy, Abby, Anne and Elenita, all surnamed Binay.

A girl posted her status on Facebook, “OMG! Can’t help it! I’m obsess with Big Macs.”
A netizen remarked, “You made a spelling mistake.”
She replied, “Hahaha… It’s obsessed, right?”
The netizen replied anew, “No, it’s obese!”

The symptom of Ebola are sweating, weakness, diarrhea and stomach pains.
Kind of like when you see your wife going through your phone.

Napansin niyo ba?
Ang pagbabayad ng buwis sa pamahalaang ito ay parang pagbabayad ng pamasahe sa MRT na walang kasiguraduhang kung makakarating ka sa pupuntahan mo.

At a bar..
MAN: “Hi! I am 32. I’m a politician and I’m honest.”
WOMAN: “Hi. I’m 29, I’m a prostitute and I’m a virgin.”

Canta para sa panget:
“If a picture paints a thousand words,
Then why can’t I paint you…?”

 

TANONG: Ano ginagawa ni Michael Jackson sa ukay ukay?
SAGOT: Eh di bili jeans.

Married life is boring.
    The first year of marriage, the husband does the talking and the wife listens.
    The second year, the wife talks and the husband listens.
    And finally, starting the third year, they both talk and the neighbor do the listening.

A man is at a road side eating grass. A motorist pulls up in and says, “Hey! Don’t eat that. Come home with me and I’ll feed you.”
    The man replies, “I have a wife and twelve kids, can they come too?”
    The motorist said, “I’ve only a small lawn!”

Three guys were debating on what is the fasting thing on our planet.
    An Englishman says, “For me, it is our thoughts because they are immediate.”
    A French says, “It is light because it travels at the absolute speed.”
    A Pinoy says, “It’s diarrhea. Before you can think or switch the light on, you have already got your pants full.”

**All of the above SMS Jokes courtesy of Mike.

 

 

oOo

“Walang magpapaputok pag may DALAW! Advance Happy Chinese New Year!”

Tuloy Ang Buhay

Tapos na ang Pasko at may bagong Taon na ulit.

Umalis at balik-trabaho na ulit ang unico hijo ko sa Manila at balik-eskwela naman si Doter ko kanina.

Haw abawt si Mamaru?

Eto…balik din sa dating gawi. Hehe.

Balik ulit sa normal everyday na gawain at iba’t-ibang kashitan sa buhay. Wala akong reso-resolution kiyeme ngayong taon. Basta para sa akin….tuloy-tuloy lang ang buhay.

Heniwey, nagbaklas at nagligpit na ako ng mga Xmas abubots ko.

MaruXmasDIY-001

Eto ang ilan sa mga Xmas abubot ko na puro D.I.Y. karamihan.

MaruXmasDIY

Puro mga sariling gawa ko lang ang mga dekorasyones ko dito sa mansiones ko dahil…siempre,  wala akong panggastos eh iba na ang matipid sa gastos, di ba? Sus, ako feh! Ganyan naman talaga kaming mayayaman, kaming mga nasa alta sosyedadAu naturel na sa amin ang pagiging matipid. Chos!

MaruXmasDIY-002

Kahit nga yung mga pambalot ko ng mga gips noong Pasko…mga recycled ribbons lang ang ginamit ko. Again, nagtitipid eh.

Kaya mga ineng, wag nyo itatapon yung mga ribbon na ipinangtatali sa box tuwing bibili kayo ng cake gaya nang sa Red Ribbon. 😀 Dahil sa panahon ng kapaskuhan…may paggagamitan kayo ulit ng mga yun.

MaruXmasDIYwrap

Pattern paper lang din ang ginamit ko as gift wrapper last Xmas kasi sa halagang P1.50 lang ang isa, eh madami na ang nababalot. Sticker paper naman ang ginamit ko as gift tag. More or less mga P70.00 lang lahat-lahat ang nagastos ko sa gift wrapping tralala ko. Sabi nga nung pauso na kasabihan, diska-diskarte din pag may time.

Again, it’s a brand new year! So. . .

today

Ewan ko sa inyo kung ano mga plano nyo sa buhay nyo. ‘La ako paki! (Joke!)

Basta ako. . .simple lang ang plano ko. Gusto ko lang mabuhay. Hahaha! Meynteyn!

Happy New Year, bitches en sonabagans!

 

 

oOo

“Matuto sa nakaraan, maghanda para sa kinabukasan, mabuhay sa kasalukuyan.”

Monday Humor 01.05.15

missing poster

PATIENT: “Doctor, Doctor! My family thinks I’m mad!”
DOCTOR: “Why is that?”
PATIENT: “I like sausages.”
DOCTOR: “There’s nothing strange about that. I like sausages myself.”
PATIENT: “Really? You must come and see my collection — I’ve got thousands!”

At the grocery’s checkout, the cashier was having trouble finding the price of cucumber.
“Maybe the list is alphabetical,” the customer offered.
So the cashier started searching from the bottom of the list: “Q… Q… Q…”

Define MASAKIT during Sex:
   Wrong Hole, Wrong Hole! 😛

PAALALA SA MGA BABAE:
Kung talagang mahal ka niya, hindi dapat siya mapagod na mahalin ka…
Kahit IHI lang ang pahinga niya.

At a restaurant, a sign read, “Karaoke Tonight!” An old lady studied it before asking, “What kind of fish is that?”

SEN. MIRIAM’S  THESAURUS : 
    1) Bigamous:Man with 2 wives-RAMOS
    2) Polygamous:Man with many wives- ERAP
    3) Monotonous:Man with 1 wife-Villar
    4) Autonomous:Man with  No wife at all , a self-service man -NOYNOY!

BANAT:
Para kang asin.
Bagay na bagay sa itlog ko. <3

At a grade school class…
TEACHER: “What’s the outside layer of a tree called, class?
CLASS: “We don’t know.
TEACHER: “BARK, class!”
CLASS: “WOOF, WOOF, WOOF!”

The China National Tourism office gave tips for its citizens going abroad:
    1. Don’t steal life vests from airplanes to give as gifts.
    2. Don’t leave footprints on the toilet.
    3. Don’t dry your underwear on lampshade.

Sabi nila ang side effect daw ng pagkain ng mani eh magkaka-tigyawat.
Hindi totoo yon. Naglasang pH Care lang iyong panlasa mo.

Ang alam mo ba iyung tuwing tumutugtog ang kanta ng pag-iibigan niyo…
Feel na feel mo ang paghawak niya ng Microphone mo!

A woman texted her husband who was out shopping, “Pick something up for the little ones while you’re shopping.”
So he brought her a bra.

PATIENT: “Doctor, I think I swallowed a SPOON!”
DOCTOR: “Just sit patiently and try not to STIR!”

** All of the above SMS Jokes courtesy of MIKE.

 

 

oOo

“Sabi nila, hindi daw sapat ang pagsasabi lang ng MAHAL KITA. Kailangan may kasamang EFFORT. Kaya “Mahal kita Effort.””

My Kind Of Man

1

“My wife got sick. She was constantly nervous because of problems at work, personal life, her failures and children. She lost 30 pounds and weighted about 90 pounds. She got very skinny and was constantly crying. She was not a happy woman. She had suffered from continuing headaches, heart pain and jammed nerves in her back and ribs. She did not sleep well, falling asleep only in the mornings and got tired very quickly during the day. Our relationship was on the verge of a break up. Her beauty was leaving her somewhere, she had bags under her eyes, and she stopped taking care of herself. She refused to shoot the films and rejected any role. I lost hope and thought that we’ll get divorced soon… But then I decided to act. After all I’ve got the most beautiful woman on earth. She is the idol of more than half of men and women on earth, and I was the one allowed to fall asleep next to her. I began to shower her with flowers, kisses and compliments. I surprised and pleased her every minute i could. I gave her a lot of gifts and i lived just for her. I spoke in public only about her. I incorporated all themes in her direction. I praised her in front of her own and our mutual friends. You won’t believe it, but she blossomed. She became better. She gained weight, was no longer nervous and loved me even more than ever. I had no clue that she could love that much. And then I realized one thing: the woman is the reflection of her man.” ~ Brad Pitt about Angelina Jolie. 🙂

 

Source: Tumblr

 

oOo

“We all need someone who understands.”

Different types of MALALANDI

malandi

  1. Pasimpleng Malandi:Balita ko break na kayo ah?”
  2. Bulgarang Malandi:Break na kayo, so tayo naman!” 😀
  3. Pakipot na Malandi:Eeeehh Kaka-break niyo lang eh.”
  4. Matulunging Malandi:Break na kayo di ba? Tulungan kitang kalimutan siya.”
  5. Curious na Malandi:Hala, bakit kayo nagbreak? I’m here lang for you.”
  6. Concerned na Malandi:Break na pala kayo? Kamusta ka na? Kailangan mo ng makakausap?”
  7. Mapagparinig na Malandi:Oh break na kayo? Hayaan mo na, marami pang iba diyan.”

 

 

oOo

“Puro ka kalandian diyan. Sarili mong panty di mo malabhan.”

Tuesday Humor 11.11.14

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Erap, gustong kumain ng manok sa resto sa US. But due to senior lapses o memory gap, nakalimutan nya ang English ng manok.
WAITRESS: “What’s ur order, sir?”
ERAP: (itinuro ang mga itlog sa tray) “I want to eat their mother!”

Define MASAKIT during Sex:
Wrong Hole, Wrong Hole!

The teacher asks, “Now, Maria, how many fingers have?” Maria replies, “10.”
Teacher asks again, “OK. Now if you lost 4 of them, what would you have?”
Maria said, “No more piano lessons!”

DAD: “What happened to your eye?”
SON: “I was staring at a ball from afar, and I was wondering why it was getting bigger and bigger. Then, it hit me.”

A man posted in his Facebook account:
    “I am the boss of the house…
    I have my wife’s permission to say so!”

BANAT:
    Para kang asin.
    Bagay na bagay sa itlog ko.

While having sex with one of his clients, a doctor is debating ethics. On one hand, I’m young, single and want to please, but on the other hand, I’m a VET!

Ang mga babae gustong makahanap ng lalakeng alam kung ano ang nasa isip nila kahit di pa nila sinasabi.
Kaya tayong mga walang lahing manghuhula, gudlak!

PATIENT: “Doctor, Doctor! My family thinks I’m mad!”
DOCTOR: “Why is that?”
PATIENT: “I like sausages.”
DOCTOR: “There’s nothing strange about that. I like sausages myself.”
PATIENT: “Really? You must come and see my collection — I’ve got thousands!”

On Halloween, I shouted to the wife, “Honey, there’s a witch at the door. What shall I do?”
She replied, “Just give her some sweets and tell her to leave.”
My mother-in-law hasn’t spoken to me since.

BOY: “May kanta ako para sa inyo ng bagong BF mo!”
GIRL: “Wow! Ang sweet mo bestpren… Anong title?”
BOY: “Ang title ay… “Mabuntis ka sana at masira buhay niyo pareho.””

**All of the above jokes courtesy of MIKE.

 

 

oOo

“Minsan, mas espesyal ang LAWAY kaysa NGITI..Kasi, kahit sino, pwede mong ngitian. Pero ang laway, tutulo lang sa taong gusto mong tikman!”

Walis-Tingting

As of this writing, nasa ulo ko pa rin ang korona at sa akin pa rin nakasabit ang mga sash na may letrang “Miss Matiyaga 2014” at “Miss Masipag 2014” dito sa barangay namin. Charot!

Eto ay dahil sa imbes na bumili, putragis, ako ay nagtiyaga at nagsipag gumawa ng sariling WALIS-TINGTING para magamit dito sa bahay. Hahaha!

stick broom (3)

Pinaputol ko kasi ang kaisa-isa kong puno ng niyog dito sa lupain ko.

Imbes na itapon agad ang mga sanga at dahon, naisipan kong pakinabangan muna at gumawa ng mga walis.

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Aver! Inguso nyo nga sa akin kung sino diyan sa mga kakilala ninyong single moms na kasing-sarap ko ang may talent sa paggawa walis-tingting?! Hahaha! At nagyabang talaga ha.

Pang 1-year supply lang naman ang nagawa ko.

 stick broom (2)

O ha! Sey nyo!

Ang hapi ko kasi naka-save ako ng pambili ng walis para sa bakuran ko  at hindi nabawasan ang milyones kong kayamanan. Hahaha. Ako na talaga!

 

 

oOo

“Don’t talk to stranger, unless they’re hot.”

Mga Bagong Salitang Tagalog

Bah! Andaming Tagalog words pa pala akong hindi alam na nag i-exist.

Kung sino man ang nagpasimuno sa paggamit o lumikha (Naks!  “l-u-m-i-k-h-a!” Ang deep ng tagalog ko, Lech!) ng mga salitang itey, kaw ha, hindi mo man lang ako na-inform in advance (in advance daw o!)

Tara! Matuto tayo at idagdag ang mga salitang ‘to sa diksyunaryo mo! 

dictionary

BAKTOL – Ang ikatlong lebel ng mabahong amoy sa kili-kili. Ang baktol ay kapareho ng amoy ng nabubulok na bayabas. Ito’y dumidikit sa damit, at humahalo sa pawis. Madalas na naaamoy tuwing registration, concert, sa elevator o Sa siksikan sa bus o Divisoria.

• KUKURIKAPU – Libag sa ilalim ng boobs. Madalas na namumuo dahil sa labis na baby powder na inilalagay sa katawan. Maaari ring mamuo kung hindi talaga naliligo o naghihilod ang isang babae. Ang KUKURIKAPU ay mas madalas mamuo sa mga babaeng malalaki ang hinaharap.

MULMUL – Buhok sa gitna ng isang nunal. Mahirap ipaliwanag kung bakit nagkakaroon ng MULMUL ang isang nunal. Subalit hindi talaga ito naaalis, kahit na bunutin pa ito, maliban na lamang kung ipapa-laser ito.

• BURNIK – Taeng sumabit sa buhok sa pwet. Madalas nararanasan ng mga taong nagti-tissue lamang pagkatapos magbawas. Ang burnik ay mahirap alisin, lalo na kapag natuyo na ito. Ipinapayo sa mga may burnik na maligo na lamang upang ito’y maalis.

BAKOKANG – Higanteng peklat. Ito’y madalas na dulot ng mga sugat na malaki na hindi ginamitan ng sebo de macho habang natutuyo. Imbes na normal na balat ang nakatakip sa bakokang, ito’y mayroong makintab na takip.

AGIHAP – Libag na dumikit sa panty o brief. Nabubuo ang agihap kung ang panty o brief ay suotsuot na nang hindi bumababa sa tatlong araw.

DUKIT – Ito ang amoy na nakukuha kung isinabit mo ang daliri mo sa iyong puwit o sa puwit ng iba. (Impernes, dati ko ng alam ko ang salitang ‘to. Hur!Hur!)

SPONGKLONG – Ito’y isang bagong wika an nangangahulugan­ sa isang estupidong tao.

WENEKLEK – Ito ang buhok sa utong na kadalasang nakikita sa mga tambay sa kanto na laging nakahubad. Meron din ang babae nito.

• BAKTUNG – Pinaikling salita ng BAKAT-UTONG.

BAKTI – Bakat panty.

BARNAKOL – Maitim na libag sa batok na naipon sa matagal na panahon.

BULTOKACHI – Tubig na tumatalsik sa pwet kapag nalalaglag ang isang malaking ebak.

McARTHUR – Taeng bumabalik after mong i-flush.

 

 

 

oOo

“Huwag kang papayag na maging panakip-butas lang. Hindi ka pinanganak para maging panty lang.”