GURO: “Why are you absent?”
JUAN: “Mam,may CARDIOVASCULAR DISEASE po ako!”
GURO: “Sige i-spell mo ang sakit mo!”
JUAN: “Joke lang po,UBO lang po tlaga!”
BUSINESSMAN: “Excuse me, may wi-fi ba kayo dito?”
PNOY: “Naku sir ala po! But you can try our apple-fi or mango-fi sir!”
Sa harap ng Statue of Liberty…
PINOY: Picture! Picture! Pang-Facebook!
When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say, “Congrats!” But none of them come and touch the man’s dick and say, “Well done!”
MORAL: Hard work is never appreciated. Only result matters.
A guy broke up with his girlfriend and was upset. His friend said, “Don’t worry mate, there’s plenty more fish in the sea.” The guy replied, “Yeah, but it’s not just the smell I missed.”
Nuong nagkita si Bong Revilla at Dr. Elinita Binay sa Sandiganbayan…
BONG: “Ma’am, totoo bang sa inyo ang hacienda sa Batangas?”
MRS. BINAY: “Totoo bang kumita ka kay Napoles?”
BONG & MRS. BINAY: “Jooooooke!!!”
A youngster was on the doctor’s operating table for a minor procedure. “Now, don’t be afraid, son,” said the father. “I will hold your hand.”
“No,” cried the boy, “hold the doctor’s hand!”
A newspaper editor was interviewing an applicant for the slot of proofreader.
EDITOR: “I suppose you are aware of the responsibility of this job?”
APPLICANT: “Yes, sir! I know that when you make a mistake, I take the blame. Right?”
EDITOR: “You’re hired.”
Three people having sex is a Threesome, Two is a Twosome.
So next time, someone calls you “HANDSOME,” don’t take it as a compliment.
Shortly before their silver wedding anniversary, a man sent 25 long-stemmed yellow roses to his wife. A few days later, she plucked all the pedals and dried them. On the night of the anniversary, she spread the petals over the bed and lay on top of them wearing only a negligee. When he saw her, he shouted, “Are those potato chips?”
Above jokes courtesy of Mike and Will.
“Minsan ang mga babae gagalitin ka. Tapos magagalit, kasi nagalit ka.”