A tarpaulin sign outside a hypermart read:
o ~This is your butt hole.
O ~ This is your butt hole in prison.
PLEASE DON’T SHOP LIFT!
GF: "Can you tell me? What is my bra size?"
GF: "Wow! How did you know?"
BF: "Yesterday, I opened it."
GF: "But my bra has no size label!"
BF: "No need, babe.. I am an Engineer, from its load, I can calculate area…"
Former Manila Mayor Alfredo Lim is a known devotee of the Black Nazarene.
Incumbent Manila Mayor Erap Estrada is known "de-bote."
Whoever has my voodoo doll of me, can you please scratch my butt?
Thanks, I’m in a public place and cannot do it myself!
SEN. MIRIAM: "Anong masarap hawakan lalo na kapag malaki? Umpisa sa "P".
JINGGOY: "Penis ng lalake?"
SEN. "MIRIAM: Wrong!"
ENRILE: "Eh, Pekp*k!"
SEN MIRIAM: "No!"
BONG: "Sori mam, ano po?"
SEN. MIRIAM: "PERA! Mga lintek kayo!"
What do women want?
A few days ago, a lady neighbor visit me while I was having dinner. She got angry when I didn’t invite her to join me.
Today when she visited me, I was taking a shower. I asked her to join me and she got angry again!
Sign in a Chinese Pet Store:
"Buy one dog,
get one flea."
GIRL: "I’m 19 and I’m pregnant. How do I tell my parents?"
BOY: "If you can open your legs, then why not your mouth?"
Of his pork related woes, Sen. Bong Revilla told the entertainment press, "Sinurender ko na sa Lord ang lahat."
And Lani Mercado was like, "Alam n’yo na kung na kanino! Kaya huwag lang manghihingi sa amin ang mga tao? Eh anong ibibigay namin?"
After wife’s delivery, a husband asked a nurse, "How long do you think we will be able to have sex?"
The nurse replied, "Meet me in 20 minutes?"
Mister sumampa sa kama ng hubo’t hubad.
MISIS: "Hindi pwede ngayon, masakit ang ulo ko."
MISTER: "Okey lang, binudburan ko naman ng Aspirin yung penis ko."
A little girl was running in her Sunday’s best, praying, "Lord, please don’t let me be late for church." Then she tripped over with her dress all dirty and muddy. Quickly she picks herself up, dusting herself off and goes on running again saying, "Lord, don’t let me be late for church, and please don’t shove me this time."
Megastar Sharon Cuneta, wife of ex-senator Kiko Pangilinan, celebrated her 48th birthday last January 6.
As a birthday gift to herself, she avoided lechon de leche, crispy pata and Twitter.
**All of the above jokes courtesy of MIKE.
"Mahalin mo yung taong naghahabol sayo, hindi yung taong hinahabol mo. Ipinanganak kang tao hindi aso."