For our four-legged members of the family.
“If our dogs don’t like you, we probably don’t either.”
TANONG: Bakit maraming pantalon si Michael Jackson?
SAGOT: Eh kasi Billy Jean.
Ex GF: “Excuse me, anong oras na?”
Ex BF: “Ha? Wala akong relo eh.”
Ex GF: “Ha? Seryoso? Eh di ba Two-timer ka?”
Sa JOLLIBEE: Bida ang saya!
Sa BARKADA: Bida ang tanga!
REPORTER: “Sir, ano pong paghahanda ang gagawin ng pamahalan. Sa sobrang init, natutunaw na mga yelo sa Antartica!”
DUTERTE: “Eh bastos ang putang inang araw na yan! Except to bring El Niño. Umalis na lang tayo sa Solar System!”
EMPLOYEE: “Boss, I can’t come to work today because my car broke down.”
BOSS: “What about the bus?”
EMPLOYEE: “I don’t own a bus!”
Siguro naman ngayong si Du30 na ang presidente, hindi na laging nahuhuling dumating ang mga pulis sa Pinoy action movies! 🙂
BOY: “Bes, sex tayo.”
GIRL: “May mens ako.”
BOY: “Ok lang, bes. Nurse ako. Hindi ako takot sa dugo.”
A man’s plaint:
“I hate the effects of middle age..
I kinda expected the beer belly, sagging skin and baldness..
But I thought it would happen to me, not my wife.”
QUEEN: “Go to sleep!”
KING: “Not until I have a name for my soldiers.”
QUEEN: “K, night!”
KING: “Darling, you are a genius!”
A guy told his office colleague, “My son is so stupid. Yesterday, he stole my neighbor’s phone and got caught.”
“Did the police do a trace on it?” asked the colleague.
“No,” the angry father replied, “they followed the cable to my house!”
WIFE: “I’m leaving you because of your addiction to anti-depressants!”
HUSBAND: “Guess what? I wouldn’t be needing those if you do!”