Holidays are over, time has come to take down my Christmas decorations and get our house in its usual shape for 2017.
“Don’t live to impress people that really couldn’t care less about you. That’s wasting your life.”
TANONG: Bakit maraming pantalon si Michael Jackson?
SAGOT: Eh kasi Billy Jean.
Ex GF: “Excuse me, anong oras na?”
Ex BF: “Ha? Wala akong relo eh.”
Ex GF: “Ha? Seryoso? Eh di ba Two-timer ka?”
Sa JOLLIBEE: Bida ang saya!
Sa BARKADA: Bida ang tanga!
REPORTER: “Sir, ano pong paghahanda ang gagawin ng pamahalan. Sa sobrang init, natutunaw na mga yelo sa Antartica!”
DUTERTE: “Eh bastos ang putang inang araw na yan! Except to bring El Niño. Umalis na lang tayo sa Solar System!”
EMPLOYEE: “Boss, I can’t come to work today because my car broke down.”
BOSS: “What about the bus?”
EMPLOYEE: “I don’t own a bus!”
Siguro naman ngayong si Du30 na ang presidente, hindi na laging nahuhuling dumating ang mga pulis sa Pinoy action movies! 🙂
BOY: “Bes, sex tayo.”
GIRL: “May mens ako.”
BOY: “Ok lang, bes. Nurse ako. Hindi ako takot sa dugo.”
A man’s plaint:
“I hate the effects of middle age..
I kinda expected the beer belly, sagging skin and baldness..
But I thought it would happen to me, not my wife.”
QUEEN: “Go to sleep!”
KING: “Not until I have a name for my soldiers.”
QUEEN: “K, night!”
KING: “Darling, you are a genius!”
A guy told his office colleague, “My son is so stupid. Yesterday, he stole my neighbor’s phone and got caught.”
“Did the police do a trace on it?” asked the colleague.
“No,” the angry father replied, “they followed the cable to my house!”
WIFE: “I’m leaving you because of your addiction to anti-depressants!”
HUSBAND: “Guess what? I wouldn’t be needing those if you do!”