Feeling-Mayaman

May nakasabay akong dalawang babaeng pasahero din sa dyip kanina. Mga working girls sila at halatang taga-bangko dahil sa mga uniforms nila. Nang magbabayad na yung dalawang girls ng pamasahe nila, magkasabay pa silang dumukot ng mga wallet nila sa bag.

Bah! Ang gaganda ng wallet ng mga belat! Lol!

Mga branded! Sushal!

Napatingin tuloy ako sa hawak kong pitaka.

Eto…

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Plastik.

Parang laruan lang ng isang bata ang pitaka ko.

Freebie lang ng isang mumurahing cologne.

Bigay ‘to ng Ate kong si Millette na may negosyong grocery store.

Napatingin yung dalawang working girls sa pitaka ko.

Isip-isip ko, “Juice ko, nakaka-shy yata ang pitaka ko. Baka isipin nila, hindi ako mayaman.”  Bwahaha!

Ahh kever! Para sa akin, the most importanter - ay yung feeling ko.

Na feeling-mayaman  pa rin ako kahit napaka-cheapangga ng pitaka ko! Bleh! :P

Oh di ba, kahit sa pakiramdam man lang eh mayaman ako.

 

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oOo

“Rich folk don’t try so hard” ― Kathryn Stockett

 

Bulaklak Na Walang Bango

Wish ko lang, I have a garden full of roses para papitas-pitas na lang ako ng mga rosas tuwing umaga pag may time. Kaso wala. Mahal din ang bumili ng roses sa palengke.

Kaya eto… Bougainvillea na lang. May tinik din. Hihi! Eto lang kasi ang meron ako sa bakuran ko.

Ordinaryo man, o wala man syang bango gaya ng mga rosas…maganda at makulay naman. :D

Oks na siguro itey,  para masimulan ng maganda ang araw ko. Pampa-good vibes baga.

 “There are always flowers for those who want to see them.” – Henri Matisse

bulak

Hello Tuesday! Hello everyone!

 

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oOo

“It’s really nice to wake up in the morning and realize that God has given you another day to live.”

Monday Humor 08.12.13

hehehe

Sa bagong sex video scandal:
HAYDEN KHO: “Ramdam kita, Chito!”
CHITO MIRANDA: “Oy ha… Huwag kang makisali dito.. Iba yung sayo… Walang kamalay-malay yung mga babae.”

Quote of the day:
“I drink alcohol to drown my problems…
unfortunately problems are damn good swimmers.”

GIRL: “Babe, napansin ko madalas kayo magusap ng babaeng yan ah.”
BOY: “Ah hindi naman babe.”
GIRL: “Layuan mo siya puwede?”
BOY: “Babe naman eh, alam mong mahirap yan.”
GIRL: “Ha bakit? Nakakapag selos na kaya sobrang close niyo na eh.”
BOY: “Babe, best friend ko siya kaya natural lang yun. Huwag kang O. A.”
GIRL: “O. A. na kung O. A. Hindi mn ako masisisi, alam mo namang diyan din tayo nagsimula noon, sa mag BEST FRIEND!”

Bedroom Warning Sign:
Sexual Entertainment in this room!
If sex offends you, get out of here!
If not, GET NAKED!

BABAE: “Break na tayo?”
LALAKE: “Ha? Bakit babe? Ano nagawa ko? Huhuhu!”
BABAE: “Ay, sorry babe wrong send. I love you mwah.”
LALAKE: “Ay akala ko ako. Okey lang babe, I love you more.”

Kapag pinipilit ka na umamin sa kasalanan mo na hindi mo naman ginawa, eto dapat mong sabihin..
“No person shall be compelled to be a witness against himself.” (Article III, Section 17, Right Again Self-Incrimination, Philippine Constitution)
Safe ka na, nganga pa sila!

Karamihan sa mga babae kapag hindi interesado sa isang lalake, kahit gaano kadami ang tanong mo, oo, hindi, haha, k at ewan lang ang irereply sa’yo. Kumain ka na? “Oo” Papasok ka? “Hindi” Anong oras ka uuwi? “Ewan” At minsan rereplayan ka lang ng isang letra, Ingat ka po lagi. “K.” Nakakainis diba?
Pero kapag gusto naman nila yung katext nila, halos ikwento na nila ang buhay nila. Ultimo pag-ahit ng bulbol, gusto na nilang ikwento. Well, ganyan talaga ang mga babae. Wala tayong magagawa. Pero aminin nathn, minsan ganyan din tayong mga lalake. Pwera lang pag libog tayo (excluded yun). At least, minsan hindi kami snob. Ganyan po kami kabait. :p

 ROSARIO: “Juan, masaya ako dahil napalabas mo na ang sandata mo.”
JUAN: “Rosario, kung hindi dahil sa’yo, hindi ko mapapalabas ang sandata ko.”
ROSARIO: “Ngunit sandata mo din ang pumatay sa tatay ko.”
JUAN: “Pero Rosario, hindi ko ginustong tirahin ng sandata ko si Mang Pepe.”
(Comment: Hindi na natin alam kung ano nangyari sa mga palabas ngayon sa telebisyon!)

A pitch from a lawyer who specializes in divorces:
“Satisfaction guaranteed or your HONEY back.”

A dying milk man is surrounded by his family and a nurse. The man says..
“To you, Peter, my eldest, I leave the Beverly houses..
To you, Tricia, my only daughter, I leave the apartments in the Los Angeles Plaza..
To you, Charlie, my youngest with a large future, I leave City Center buildings..
To you, Leslie, my dear wife, the three residential building towers in downtown L. A.
The nurse, impressed, tells the wife, “Ma’am, your husband is very rich. He is bequeathing many real propertier! You’re all very lucky!”
The wife retorts, “Rick? Lucky? Are you kidding. Those are his routes when he delivers milk!”

Ang tunay na lalake ay marunong magtanggal ng bra
pero hindi marunong magkabit.

GUY: “Let’s play the fire truck game.”
GAL: “How do we play it?”
GUY: “I run my fingers up your leg, and you say, “Red light” when you want me to stop.”
GAL: “Okay. (a minute later) Red light!”
GUY: “Fire trucks don’t stop for red lights!” :p

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A little boy asked his mother if people had removable parts. “Of course, not,” she replied. “Why do you asked?”
The little boy replied back, “Well I just heard Daddy say to Uncle Jiggs that he’d love to screw the ass of the lady next door.”

** All of the above jokes courtesy of MIKE.

oOo

“The reason why slides in the playground were made, is for us to experience the happiness of falling even when there’s no one catching.”

 

Sunday Humor 08.11.13

beggar

DEATH ROW:
WARDEN: “Patay ka na bukas ng alas singko ng umaga.”
KRIMINAL: “Hahahahaha…”
WARDEN: “Bakit tumatawa?”
KRIMINAL: “Alas otso ako nagigising!”

Sam got drunk at a party & started flirting with a woman.
WIFE:”Remind me to put ice on your black eye when we get home.”
SAM:”But, I don’t have a blackeye.”
WIFE: “You are not home yet.”

WOMAN: “I am sexually harassed in this building!”
BOSS: “How?”
WOMAN: “This man comes to me everyday and says, “Your hair smell nice!””
BOSS: “And you have a problem with that?”
WOMAN: “But, Boss, the man is a MIDGET!”

What if one day napadaan ka sa tambayan ng CRUSH mo..
Nginitian ka niya..
Nagtinginan lahat ng tropa niya dahil sumabay siya sayo..
Sabay sabing..
“CUTE, MAY TAGOS KA…”

PETER: “Your secretary is very sexy!”
TONY: “Thanks! It’s a robot named “Maria.” If you squeeze her right breast, she takes dictation and if you squeeze the right, she types. I’ll lend it to you for a day so you can see her functions..”
Next day, Peter called Tony from the hospital and shouted, “You didn’t tell me the “HOLE” between Maria’s legs is a pencil sharpener!”

Sign at a Chinese Restaurant:
“All You Can Eat Buffet Not Mean All Day Buffet You No Come Stay 4 Hour You Eat – You Go Home”

Who said women don’t have “Balls”?
They just don’t hide it in their pants,
they display them proudly on their chest.

“Huwag hayaan masira at malagas ang kagubatan. Mahalin ang ating Inang kalikasan, Ingatan ang kagubatan, Alagaan at palaguin ang mga puno’t halaman.” ~ sinabi ng guy sa isang babae nakadungaw ang pubes :p

Sign in a New York building:
“Don’t die a Virgin.
Terrorists are up there waiting for you.”

NEW QUOTE:
“Hindi porket natikman mo eh sa’yo na, dahil kung minsan,
sadyang may FREE TASTE lang talaga!”

Ano kadalasan ang nangyayari o ginagawa pag kinikilig?
Si Babae, nangungurot, namumula, tumitili, nanghahampas ng katabi..
Si Lalake, nauutot, namumutla, tumitigas ang titi.. :p

**All of the above jokes courtesy of MIKE.

 

oOo

“Kapag nagmamahal tayo. Nagbibigay tayo ng halos di na natin kayang ibigay, kasi nga nagmamahal tayo.”

Fudge Cake

Bineyk ko ‘to kagabi habang nagpapalipat-lipat ako ng TV channel sa panonood ng Gilas Pilipinas ng TV5 at The Voice ng ABS-CBN.

Nga pala, kangrats sa Gilas Pilinas for defeating Korea last nite!

K-Pop the good work, guys! Lol!

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Pa-keyk keyk ako sa almusal ko ngayon. With matching brewed coffee kasi mayaman kami. Charot lang!

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Enjoy your Sunday, lovelies!

 

FUDGE CAKE

Ingredients:

  • 4-1/2 oz. (1 cup) all-purpose flour
  • 1 oz. (1/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons) unsweetened natural cocoa powder (not Dutch processed)
  • 1/2 tsp. baking soda
  • 1/4 tsp. table salt
  • 4 oz. (1/2 cup) unsalted butter, melted and warm
  • 1-1/4 cups packed light brown sugar
  • 2 large eggs
  • 1 tsp. pure vanilla extract
  • 1/2 cup hot water

Procedure:

Position a rack in the lower third of the oven and heat the oven to 350 F. Grease the bottom of an 8×2- or 9×2-inch round cake pan or line it with parchment.

In a small bowl, whisk the flour, cocoa powder, baking soda, and salt. Sift only if the cocoa remains lumpy after whisking. In a large bowl, combine the melted butter and brown sugar with a wooden spoon or rubber spatula. Add the eggs and vanilla; stir until well blended. Add the flour mixture all at once and stir just until all the flour is moistened. Pour the hot water over the batter; stir just until it’s incorporated and the batter is smooth. Scrape the batter into the prepared pan. Bake until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean, about 30 minutes for a 9-inch pan; 35 to 40 min. for an 8-inch pan. Let cool in the pan on a rack for 10 min.

 

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oOo

“Sa panahon ngayon, ang I Love You ay parang Thank You na lang.”

Clams With Misua Soup

Mahigit sanlinggo ng wet na wet ang weder dito sa bansa namin sa Mindanaw pero oks lang yun basta wala lang bagyo. Salamat kay Bathala.

Pag ganitong tag-ulan, masarap kumain ng may sabaw.

Kanina lang…

Sinabawang halaan na may misua at malungay + tostadong fried galunggong + mainit na kanin = LANGIT!

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Ingredients:

  • 1 kilo of fresh clams
  • A thumb-sized ginger, chopped
  • 3 cloves garlic, minced
  • 1 medium onion, chopped
  • 1 tbsp cooking oil
  • malunggay
  • 2 cups water
  • 2 packets of misua
  • Salt and pepper

Procedure:

  1. Sauté ginger, garlic, and onion in oil.
  2. Add in the clams and water. Let them simmer .
  3. Add misua.
  4. Season with salt and pepper.
  5. Add malunggay.
  6. Turn off fire. Serve hot.

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oOo

“Don’t waste time on revenge. The people who hurt you will eventually face their own consequences.”

 

Wednesday Humor 08.07.13

sige

COMPLAINANT: “Sir, pwede ba makausap yung nagnakaw sa ‘min kagabi?”
PULIS: “Eh bakit nman gusto mo makausap?”
COMPLAINANT: “Gusto ko lang malaman ang sikreto nya..”
PULIS: “Anong sikreto?”
COMPLAINANT: “Yung kung paano nya nagawang makapasok sa amin nang hindi nagising ang misis ko?”

LALAKE: “Bakit hindi mo pa ako sinasagot?”
BABAE: “Ganun talaga kapag dalagang pilipina… mahinìn, konserbatibo at matagal magpaligaw.”
LALAKE: “Pero mahal kita.”
BABAE: “Mahal mo ba talaga ako?”
LALAKE: “Oo mahal na mahal.”
BABAE: “Kaya mo bang isigaw sa buong mundo na mahal mo ako?”
LALAKE: “Oo… kayang-kaya.”
BABAE: “So patunayan mo. (lalake bumulong sa babae) bakit sakin mo lang binulong?”
LALAKE: “Kasi ikaw ang mundo ko.”
BABAE: “Wow ha… hilahin ko titi mo diyan eh!”

Top five exercises:
jumping to conclusion
flying off the handle
carrying things too far
dodging responsibilities
pushing luck

Cop pulls over a man.
COP: “Sir, I’d like you to take this breath analyzer test.”
MAN: “I can’t. I have asthma, I might have an attack.”
COP: “Then I need to take a blood sample.”
MAN: “No, sir, I am hemophiliac, I might bleed to death.”
COP: “Ok, I’ll need a pee sample.”
MAN: “I can’t do that either, officer. I’m a diabetic, I might get hypoglycemia.”
COP: “Ok, just walk this line.”
MAN: “I can’t.”
COP: “Why?”
MAN: “Because I’m drunk.”

KASABIHAN:
Bale wala ang kili-kiling maputi
kung
ito naman
ay amoy Datu Puti.

Four men and a woman were having coffee.
The first man tells his friend, “My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him ‘Father.'”
The second man chirps, “My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room, people call him ‘Your Excellency.'”
The third gent say, “My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says, ‘Your Eminence.'”
The fourth man then says, “My son is the Pope. When he enters a room, people call him, ‘Holines.'”
Since the lone woman was silent, the four men give her a subtle, “Well… ?”
She proudly says, “I have a daughter, slim, tall, 24″ waist, 34″ hips and 34D breast. When she walks into a room, people say, ‘OH MY GOD!'”

MISIS: “Palagi na lang akong nag-aalala tuwing naga-out of town ka.”
MISTER: “Huwag kang mag-alala, umuwi naman ako kaagad ah.”
MISIS: “Ayun nga ang inaalala ko, biglaan ka kung umuwi.”

After three years of marriage, a wife was still questioning her husband about his lurid past.
“C’mon tell me,” she asked for the nth time, “how many women have you had before.”
“Honey,” he protested, “if I told you, you’d throw a fit.”
The wife promised she wouldn’t get angry, and convinced her husband to tell her.
“Okay,” he said, “One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, then there’s you, ten, eleven, 12, 13, 14, 15..”

**All of the above jokes courtesy of MIKE B.

 

oOo

“Hindi lahat ng problemado, kailangan payuhan. Yung iba, kailangan ding batukan para matauhan sa katangahan.”

Saturday Humor 08.03.13

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May isang batang nagbebenta ng tapang usa.
MISIS: “Magkano tapang usa?
BATA: “Isang libo po.
MISIS: “Pwede 500 na lang?
BATA: “Hindi po pwede eh. Sabi kasi ni tatay dapat LIBO ang pera ko para yumaman ako.
MISIS: “Ahh. Ganun ba? Ganito na lang. Bilhin ko yang usa mo ng KALAHATING LIBO!
BATA: “Sige po!

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You have only two things to worry about:

You’re either rich or poor.
If you’re rich, you have nothing to worry about.
If you’re poor, you have two things to worry about, whether you’re in good health or bad.
If you’re in good health, you have nothing to worry about.
If you’re in bad health you may die.
If you die you have nothing to worry about. You’re either going to Heaven, or the other place.
If you go to Heaven, you have nothing to worry about.
If you go to the other place, you’ll be busy greeting old friends and you won’t have any time to worry.

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Hindi ba kayo naiinis kung ang daming tanong ng ka-date niyo sa sine?

“kamukha nang…”
“anong nangyari?”
“kaano-ano siya nung bida?”
“bakit niya ginawa yun?”
“ano kaya ang gagawin niya?”
“teka, bakit mo nilalabas ang patotoy mo?” 

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The Census Bureau said the birth rate in the United States reached an all-time low this past year. It’s another side effect of Viagra.
More women are running off with older men with higher bank balances and lower sperm counts.

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NORMAL PEOPLE:
“Aww, there’s such a nice couple.
BOY BASTOS:
“I wonder if they fucked!”

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JUAN: “Andy, uminom ako ng Viagra kahapon ng umaga. Till now, matigas pa din.
ANDY: “Naku, next year pa lalambot yan.
JUAN: “Ha? Bakit?
ANDY: “Tingnan mo ang expiration, 2014 pa!”

  •  

A survey found that 50% of men said they’d cheat on their wife with her best friend if they were guaranteed they wouldn’t get caught.
The other 50% said they wish their wives had better looking friends! ‘

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Thought of the day:
Deleting those porn videos means deleting memories. :p

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Why should you let me touch your boobs?
They are very nice looking.
I need to see if they feel nice as they look.
They look a little bit lonely.
I have hands as soft as a baby’s bottom.
What you could be missing?
Maybe I am really good at touching boobs.
You would never know until you let me.
Maybe we could do this again sometime.
I might find cancer in one of your boobs and save your life.
Doctors are expensive and I am your next best option. :p

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Sa isang opisina.
JUAN: “Boss, bilhin niyo na etong cell phone ko!”
BOSS: “Magkano ba yan?”
JUAN: “P30,000 lang po!”
BOSS: “Bakit ang mahal naman? Eh lumang modelo na yan at camera lang feature niyan.”
JUAN: “Opo, pero unique po ito.”
BOSS: “Bakit?”
JUAN: “Ito po kasi na may picture may kaakap na chix kayo. I-alok ko na lang kaya sa Misis niyo?”
BOSS : “Huwag na! Ako na lang bibili! Walang pera yun!”

  •  

Sa bar lumapit si John sa seksing chik at nagpakilala.
JOHN: “Hi pwede makipagkilala? I’m John.. 26 y/o.”
SEKSI: “I’m Nicole.. 21 y/o.”
JOHN: “Taga saan ka? Nag-aaral?”
SEKSI: “I’m a college grad from Makati.”
JOHN: “Oh.. Ano ang course mo?”
SEKSI: “B. S. Math ako.”
JOHN: “Wow! Eh di magaling ka sa Math niyan? Try nga natin?”
SEKSI: “Sure!”
JOHN: “Kung bibigyan kita ng 1 milyon ngayong gabi, tapos babawasan ko lang ng 8%, ilang ang matitira sa’yo?”
SEKSI: “Walang matitira sakin! Tanggal lahat, sapatos, stocking, blouse, mini, bra at panty!”

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First date..
LALAKE: “Ano ang hanap mo sa isang lalake?
BABAE: Aang hanap ko talaga yung honest.
LALAKE: “Ako honest ako talaga.
BABAE: “Wow ang suwerte ko… ikaw ano ang hanap mo sa isang babae?
LALAKE: “Yung magaling chumupa.
BABAE: “Gago, bastos mo!
LESSON: Huwag kang maniniwala kapag sinabi ng babae na gusto niya honest. Kapag nagsinungaling ka, magagalit siya pero kapag honest ka magagalit pa rin siya.

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** All of the above jokes courtesy of MIKE.

 

oOo

“Magbiro ka na sa lasing at sa bagong gising, wag lang sa babaeng naka-WHISPER with WINGS.”

Hukay-Hukay Kasi Maraming Time

Kung nakikita nyo lang sana ang gilid ng bahay namin…susme, mahihiya ang mga lubak-lubak na madalas mong nakikita sa mga kalsada natin.

Parang sungka na nga yung daanan sa labas at gilid ng mansyon namin sa daming hukay ng mga alaga ko.

Pati mga tanim ko…wasak! Sirang-sira. Hays, nakaka-gee-ar-ar- ar-ar talaga!

Etong umaga lang, si Will ang nakita kong petiks na pinagkasya ang wankata nya sa hukay na ginawa nya.

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Sinutsutan ko para umalis. Pero, sows! Tinitigan lang ako.

Sume-selfie ang mokong.

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Nagsawa na ako sa kasasaway sa kanila kasi parang naghahalinhinan lang ang mga lekat sa paghuhukay.

Kaya hinahayaan ko na lang sila kasi bilang aso ay kasiyahan na nila yun. Natural na sa kanila ang ganun.

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Well, kung saan sila masaya, dun na ako… dahil mahal ko silang lahat. Charot!

Ayoko naman maging KJ.

 

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oOo

“Never take someone’s love for granted, because someday you’ll realize you lost a diamond while you were busy collecting stones.”