BATA: “Nay, yung lalaking manok natin nangitlog!”
NANAY: “Anak, ang may itlog babae!”
ANAK: “Ho? Eh di babae ako Nay?”
Three priests were discussing the best position for praying while a telephone repair man worked nearby.
“Kneeling is the best,” claimed one.
“No,” another contended. “I got the best results standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven.”
“You’re both wrong,” the third insisted. “Lying prostrate, face down on the floor is best.”
The repairman couldn’t contain himself any longer butted in, “The best praying I ever did was hanging upside down from a telephone pole during a thunderstorm.”
HINDI TOTOO NA JANET NAPOLES OWNS 28 HOUSES…THE TRUTH IS, JANET NAPOLES OWNS ONLY 2 HOUSES, THE LOWER HOUSE AND THE UPPER HOUSE…..o di ba?
Appreciate what you have.
Having six inches of it is much better than having nothing.
This is about chocolate bars. What were you thinking?
Dalawang buwan nang nanliligaw ang lalake.
LALAKE: “Uy sige na, sagutin mo na ako!”
BABAE: “Sasagutin kita pag nasagot mo ng tama ang tanong ko.”
LALAKE: “Ok, ano iyon?”
BABAE: “Kung papayagan kita hawakan ang kahit anong parte ng katawan ko, ano iyon?”
LALAKE: “Bibig mo.”
BABAE: “Ang ganda ng sagot mo, payag na ako na maging gf mo.”
LALAKE: “Yahooo! Bakit mo pala nagustuhan.”
BABAE: “Tuwing tinatanong ko kasi yan sa mga manliligaw ko, palaging suso at pekpek ko ang sagot nila. Ikaw ang nagbigay ng pinaka magalimg na sagot. Ang gentleman mo pala. Teka matanong ko lang, bakit pala bibig ko?”
LALAKE: “Para hindi ka makapag iingay habang dinidilaan ko yang suso at pekpek mo.”
BABAE: “Ang manyak mo naman, hon!”
LALAKE: “Thank you! Sana ikaw din!”
Men and women have different ways of cleaning a toilet.
Women use bleach and rinse.
Men just pee on the poop stain as hard as they can.
A teenager’s house had a power outage and his PC, TV and game console shut down, so he talk to his family for a few hours.
Afterwards, he told a friend, “They seem like nice people.”
TANONG: Bakit kailangan may picture ng misis o girlfriend sa wallet ng mga lalake?
SAGOT: Para palagi nilang maalala kung bakit walang laman yung wallet nila.
Two women were chatting in the office.
WOMAN1: “I had a fine evening last night, how was yours?”
WOMAN2: “It was a disaster. My husband came home, ate his dinner in 3 minutes and fell asleep in 2 minutes. How was yours?”
WOMAN1: “It was amazing! My husband came home and took me out for a romantic dinner. After dinner, we walked for an hour. When we came home, he lit candles around the house. It was like fairy tale!”
At the same time, their husbands were talking at work.
HUSBAND1: “How was you evening?”
HUSBAND2: “Great, I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate and fell asleep. What about you?”
HUSBAND1: “Horrible. I came home, there’s no dinner for they cut the electricity because I forgot to pay the bill. So I took the wife to dinner which was so expensive that I haven’t money left for a cab. We walked home for an hour and when we got home, I had to light candles all over the house since there was no electricity.”
Moral: Presentation matters no matter what the reality is!
PULIS: “Totoo bang ni-rape mo ang babaeng ito?”
SUSPEK: “Hindi po.”
PULIS: “Pero maraming witness na nakakitang ginamitan mo ng puwersa ang babaeng ito para dalhin sa liblib na lugar.”
SUSPEK: “Totoo po yun.”
PULIS: “Eh di rape nga yun.”
SUSPEK: “Oo, nung una rape.. pero naging di rape..”
PULIS: “Anong ibig mong sabihin?”
SUSPEK: “Nakiusap po siya eh.”
PULIS: “Ganun talaga pag nire-rape. Nakikiusap ang biktima wag mong ituloy.”
SUSPEK: “Hindi po yun ang pakiusap niya.”
PULIS: “Eh ano?”
SUSPEK: “Siya naman daw sa ibabaw.” :p
**All of the above jokes courtesy of MIKE.
“Don’t ever leave the one you love for the one you like, because the one you like will leave you for the one they love.”