MR. POGI CONTEST: (MR. PRETTY CONTEST)
HOST: "Ano sa mukha mo ang pinaka-asset mo?"
CONTESTANT: "Sa tingin ko ang pinaka-asset ko sa mukha ko ay ugali! Mabait kasi ako eh."

 SHE’S GOT THE LOOK BEAUTY CONTEST:
"Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen! I am Ma. Rosario Liboon, I come from the beautiful city of Pangasinan City!"

SHE’S GOT THE LOOK BEAUTY CONTEST:
"Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen! I am Carmelita Hernandez, I come from Pasay City and I want to be a medicine!"

ANOTHER CONTEST:
HOST: "Which do you prefer: Blonde or Dumb?"
CONTESTANT: "Dumb na lang, at least hindi ako mapagkakamalang blonde!"

SUPER SIREYNA CONTEST:
HOST: "Anong masasabi mo sa death penalty?"
CONTESTANT: "Ah, ano po yun di toot por toot, eye por eye.
HOST: "Paki-eksplika nga?"
CONTESTANT: "Ganito po yun: kung pinatay mo ang nanay ko, dapat, patayin ko din ang nanay mo!"

2002 BB. PILIPINAS BEAUTY PAGEANT:
HOST: "Which of the five senses can you do without?"
CONTESTANT: "My eyes!"
HOST: "Why?"
CONTESTANT: "Because I’ve got beautiful and tantalizing eyes with matching sultry look."

CALENDAR GIRL BEAUTY CONTEST:
HOST: "What place in the Philippines would you boast about?"
CALENDAR GIRL CONTESTANT: "Bocaue"
HOST: (Intrigued) "What about Bocaue? What’s in it to boast about?"
CALENDAR GIRL CONTESTANT: "Why, the Bocaue rice terraces of course!"

MISS GAY PHILIPPINES CONTEST HELD NOV 1ST:
"Magandang Tanghali po, ako po si Luzviminda Cortez mula sa Camarines Sur, sumalangit na po ang inyong mga kaluluwa!"

LITTLE MISS PHILIPPINES CONTEST:
HOST: "Anong gusto mo paglaki mo?"
CONTESTANT: "Maging lalaki po."

MISS WORLD PHILIPPINES BEAUTY CONTEST:
HOST: "What do you think should a man possess to be successful?"
CONTESTANT: "I think, that for a man to be successful, he should be a responsible, because if he should not be a responsible, he will not have a successful. That is all. I thank you."

BEAUTY CONTEST:
HOST: "Ms. Philippines, what is your best feature?"
CANDIDATE: "There is one that I have at home. It’s of the majestic Rice Terraces. I believe that tourism can be uplifted by our nation by means of having a good feature taken. I believe that tourism is the key to the future, second to the children of the world who are our future which is why we have to lead the way for them, thank you."

MUTYA NG LAHI:
HOST: "Candidate 10, if you were to win the title of Mutya ng Lahi tonight, to whom would you dedicate your victory?"
CANDIDATE: "Well, uhm, I will dedicate my victory to, uhm well, I will dedicate my victory to myself! Because I work so hard to win. That is all, thank you."
HOST: "Candidate number 2, do you believe in reincarnation? If so, would you rather be reincarnated as a man or a woman?"
CANDIDATE: "I want to be resurrected as a man because I like myself for who I am."
HOST: "Candidate number 2, are you saying you are a man?"
CANDIDATE: "No, I am saying that I like being myself."
HOST: "So why do you want to reincarnate as a man?"
CANDIDATE: "Did I say that?"
HOST: "Yes, you did."
CANDIDATE: "Oh? Hahahha… sorry… erase, erase…I want to be resurrected as a woman pala."
HOST: "What is your stand on pre-marital sex?"
CANDIDATE: "Ladies and Gentlemen, to the board of judges an English question deserves and English answer. What is my stand on pre-marital sex? Ladies and Gentlemen, that is easy. I do not stand. I kneel down and pray all the time. Thank you."

MISS UST BEAUTY PAGEANT:
HOST: "Candidate number 8, if you could be a fictional character, who would you be and why?"
CANDIDATE: "I would be Jackie Kennedy because she is pretty like me."
HOST: "But Jackie Kennedy is not a fictional character."
CANDIDATE: "Talaga? Oh, well uhm… ahhh.. di si Imelda Marcos na lang."
HOST: "She is not fictional as well."
CANDIDATE: (Perspiring and becoming tense) "How about Margaret Thatcher?"
HOST: (Losing his patience) "No, Candidate Number 8, she is not fictional either!"
CANDIDATE: (Starts to shed tears) "Hay naku, ayaw ninyo naman tanggapin ang mga sagot ko! Okay, ano ba talaga ang ibig sabihin ng fictional character so I can answer your question with the right answer?"
MISS GAY TOURISM CONTEST:
HOST: "If a man from Mars landed on your backyard, what would you do to entertain him?"
CANDIDATE: "That is an easy question. If a man from Mars landed on my house, definitely, I will be dead by then because I will be crushed by his space ship. Therefore, I will not be able to entertain him anymore. Thank you."

MELANIE MARQUEZ MISS INTERNATIONAL 1978
Eddie Mercado: "Angie Dickinson has insured her legs for a million dollars, would you also do the same?"
Melanie Marquez: "NO, of course no, because I am proud and contented with my long legged."
(With this answer, she bagged the crown and eventually won the Miss International in 1978.)

JANINA SAN MIGUEL at the 2008 Bb. Pilipinas Contest:

HOST: "What role did your family played in your participation in this contest? "

Her reply:
"Well, my family’s role for me is so important because there was the, they’re… they was the one who’s very, ha-ha; oh I’m so sorry. Ah my family, my family, oh my God, I’m, okay. I’m so sorry; I, I told you that I’m so confident; ah wait, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha, uhm, sorry guys because this was really my first pageant ever. Because I’m only 17 years old, and I did not expect that I came from, I came from the one of the top 10; uhm, so, but I said that my family is the most important persons in my life. Thank you."

oOo

QUESTION: "What’s the difference between being Miss Universe and being a Filipina?"

"Being Miss Universe is like having a birthstone, you may lose it. Being a Filipina is like having a birthmark, its forever." – MARGIE MORAN, 1973 Miss Universe

Malamang nakatutok lahat ng kababaihan at mga bading ng Pilipinas sa tv bukas.

Eto, isang hirit muna ng SMS joke – pang okray!:

Ms. Universe intro..
Gutom ako,
gutom kayo,
gutom tayong lahat!
HUNGARY!

Ola viola!
kaserola!
tinola!
saranggola!
arinola ni lola!
VENEZUELA!

Boom!
kabum!
kablam!
AFGHANISTAN!

Malay mo,
malay nya,
malay nating lahat!
MALAYSIA!

Baha dun,
baha dito,
baha sa buong mundo
BAHAMAS!

Hindi sa akin,
hindi sau,
kanino sya?
KENYA!

One way,
Two-way,
there’s no other way!
NORWAY!

sing ka na,
sing ka pa,
ilabas ang magic sing!
SINGAPORE!

Mula sa lupaing kulang
sa bigas,
sang damakmak na mandurugas!
PILIPINAS!