NEVERMIND: Ang slow mo.
BASTA: Tinatamad akong magexplain.
PAPUNTA NA KO: Kakagising ko lang.
ANG LAMIG: Payakap naman.
KAMUSTA?: Miss na kita.
JOKE LANG: Pero totoo talaga yun.
OKAY LANG AKO: Hindi ako okay. Lambingin mo ko.
NASAAN KA: Nasa labas na ko ng bahay nyo!
AH OKAY: Boring mo kausap.
OH TALAGA?: Hindi ako interesado sa kwento mo.
SIGE LANG: Napipilitan lang naman ako, may choice ba ko?
BAGAY KAYO: Mas bagay tayo.
OKAY NA KAYO?: Sana kasi tayo na lang.
SUNOD NA LANG AKO: Manigas ka jan.
TRY KO: ASA KA!
At the funeral of a lawyer’s wife, people were appalled to read the tombstone: “Here lies, Katrina, wife of Atty. Juan dela Cruz, Specializes in Divorce and Malpractice suits.” After her burial, the lawyer cried. His brother said, “You should cry, pulling a cheap publicity stunt like this!” The lawyer replied, “You don’t understand, I’m crying because they forgot to include my phone number!”
According to the latest Pulse Asia survey, 6 in 10 Pinoys don’t want a second term for P-Noy.
The six were identified as Jojo, Junjun, Nancy, Abby, Anne and Elenita, all surnamed Binay.
A girl posted her status on Facebook, “OMG! Can’t help it! I’m obsess with Big Macs.”
A netizen remarked, “You made a spelling mistake.”
She replied, “Hahaha… It’s obsessed, right?”
The netizen replied anew, “No, it’s obese!”
The symptom of Ebola are sweating, weakness, diarrhea and stomach pains.
Kind of like when you see your wife going through your phone.
Napansin niyo ba?
Ang pagbabayad ng buwis sa pamahalaang ito ay parang pagbabayad ng pamasahe sa MRT na walang kasiguraduhang kung makakarating ka sa pupuntahan mo.
At a bar..
MAN: “Hi! I am 32. I’m a politician and I’m honest.”
WOMAN: “Hi. I’m 29, I’m a prostitute and I’m a virgin.”
Canta para sa panget:
“If a picture paints a thousand words,
Then why can’t I paint you…?”
TANONG: Ano ginagawa ni Michael Jackson sa ukay ukay?
SAGOT: Eh di bili jeans.
Married life is boring.
The first year of marriage, the husband does the talking and the wife listens.
The second year, the wife talks and the husband listens.
And finally, starting the third year, they both talk and the neighbor do the listening.
A man is at a road side eating grass. A motorist pulls up in and says, “Hey! Don’t eat that. Come home with me and I’ll feed you.”
The man replies, “I have a wife and twelve kids, can they come too?”
The motorist said, “I’ve only a small lawn!”
Three guys were debating on what is the fasting thing on our planet.
An Englishman says, “For me, it is our thoughts because they are immediate.”
A French says, “It is light because it travels at the absolute speed.”
A Pinoy says, “It’s diarrhea. Before you can think or switch the light on, you have already got your pants full.”
**All of the above SMS Jokes courtesy of Mike.
“Walang magpapaputok pag may DALAW! Advance Happy Chinese New Year!”