**Courtesy of MIKE
*
Dalawang doktor nag-uusap:
DOKTOR1: “Dok, pwede bang gamutin ninyo ako?”
DOKTOR2: “Pwede, bakit ano ba ang nararamdaman mo?”
DOKTOR1: “Kasi tuwing hapon, palagi akong nahihilo.”
DOKTOR2: “Bakit, ano bang trabaho mo?”
DOKTOR1: “Eh, doktor din ako.”
DOKTOR2: “O, doktor ka rin pala eh, bakit hindi mo gamutin ang sarili mo?”
DOKTOR1: “Kasi, Dok, mataas ako kung sumingil eh!”
*
ATTORNEY: “I-describe mo sa korte ang taong nangholdap sayo.”
BIKTIMA: “Maitim, panot, tigyawatin, pango at bungal po.”
SUSPEK: “Sige, mamintas ka pa! Perfect ka? Perfect? Aaminin naman eh. Ganda no! Gawin ko kayang murder kaso ko?”
*
May bumbay na nagtitinda ng panty. Sabi ng bumbay, “ahh bili bili na kayo ng panty murang mura lang, wasak na pepe nyo panty hindi pa.”
*
Wife was teaching English to her non-English speaking husband.
WIFE: “I’m beautiful. I’m slim. My face is cute. I’m hot. What tense is this?”
HUSBAND: “It’s Past Tense!”
*
SHOMBA: “Pansin ko lang huh… bakit lagi na lang mahahaba ang buhok nating mga multo?”
SADAKO YAMAMURA: “Kasi pag kalbo ang multo… baka matawa ka lang.”
CASPER: (-,-)
*
Bagong kasal nagaway kaagad.
Sabi ng galit na lalake, “Langya ka! Kung alam ko lang na di ka na virgin sana di na ako nag-PATULE!”
*
SALAWIKAIN NI MANG KEPWENG:
“Aanhin pa ang mga hita kung hindi ibubukaka.”
“Bale wala ang nakatihaya kung hindi naman nakabukaka.”
*
Isang judge ang tinatanong kung ano kasalanan ng nasasakdal at sabi ng prosecutor, “Your honor, nahuli po ito na kumakain sa Quiapo at di po nagbabayad!”
Sumagot ang judge, “Aha! Impersonating a police officer! Sige, ikulong iyan ng 2 years!”
*
Once upon a time there was a simple girl who fell in love with 2 guys.
But the guys didn’t love her.
They loved…
Each other!
*
REVISED:
This is the Modern Era, No One Has Time..
Girls Put Their Mobile Phones In Their Pussies On Vibrator Mode
And Ask Their Boyfriend To Call. This Is E-Fuck.
But If Others Call, Then It’s E-Rape.
*
Nabalitaan nyo ba?
Si CGMA pumanaw na kagabi. Sabi ng doctor Brain Hemmorhage daw. Paano nanyari? Nauntog siya…
sa DOORKNOB!
*
“Ang hirap eh,” sabi ni Erap. “5 star hotel pa naman kayo,” reklamo niya sa front desk ng Hyatt. “Palagi kong sinasabit yung Bath towel kayo naman eh nilalatag nyo sa floor tapat ng inodoro! Hirap e!”
*
RICH MAN: “I have 12 cars, 14 houses, scores of conglomerates, now what do you have?”
POOR MAN: “I have only a son. His girlfriend is your daughter.”
*
WIFE: “I dreamed you gave me P50,000 for Christmas last night. You would not spoil that dream, would you dear?”
HUSBAND: “Of course not, Darling. You can keep the P50,000.”
*
Kasabihan:
“Ang lalaking hindi marunong maganTay..
Nagiging taTAY!”
*
BOY: “May boyfriend ka?”
GIRL: “Oo.”
BOY: “Kailan kayo maghihiwalay?”
GIRL: “Depende, kung kailan mo ako liligawan.”
*
BOY: “Tigilan mo nga ako! kulit mo naman!”
GIRL: “Ang arte mo naman!”
BOY: “Nanununtok ako ng maganda!”
GIRL: “O sige suntok nga..”
BOY: “Bakit maganda ka ba?”
*
Sa jeep
VICE: “Para ho.”
DRIVER: “Dyan ba sa tabi?”
VICE: “Ay hindi manong. Dun ako sa gitna, para masagasaan ako.”
*
TEACHER: “Who is your favorite writer?”
STUDENT: “Your daughter.”
TEACHER: “What?”
STUDENT: “Every day she gives me beautiful love letters.”
*
Sa panahon ngayon bawal pumikit
pag ikaw pumikit jowa mo may kabit.
*
SARAH GERONIMO: “Lord, I want the best man.”
MARICAR REYES: “Lord, I want a good man.”
KRIS AQUINO: “Lord, I want any man.”
EUGENE DOMINGO: “Lord, please naMan.”
*
Height of Racism:
A little white kid goes and stands between two black kids and says, “Look, mom, I made an Oreo biscuit!”
*
oOo
“”PANGIT” ka man sa paningin mo, wag kang mag-alala, MARAMI KAYO.”
BUNSO: "Inay! Si Kuya nagpapakamatay na! Dali!" 
