Posted in Uncategorized

Virginia

Sa mga may pangalan na Virginia, paalala lang na kung pupunta kayo ng Hongkong at magkakape kayo dun sa Starbucks, baka pwede palitan nyo muna sandali ang name nyo. O kaya mag-ALIAS na lang kayo ng medyo mas madaling maintindihan na name. Oh go on

Read: Staff at a Starbucks branch in Hong Kong served a customer named Virginia – but spelled her name as ‘Vagina’ when they wrote it on her cup.

Kalurkey!

 

 

oOo

“When we are in love, we tend to believe kahit harap harapan nang nagsisinungaling.”

Posted in Daily Humor

Tuesday Humor 04.30.13

 swimming

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Wife to drunk husband: “From now on, if your lips touch liquor you will never touch my lips.”
HUSBAND: "Awwww?"
WIFE: "What are you thinking now?"
HUSBAND: "Deciding, 18 year old Scotch or 42 year old Lips!"

Softdrink sa Refrigerator.
GOOD NEWS: May Sprite sa Refrigerator.
BAD NEWS: Tubig lang pala.

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A hungry little boy was beginning to eat his dinner when his father reminded him that they hadn’t prayed.
"We don’t have to," said the little boy, "Mom’s a good cook!"

A rabbi was confined for a time at a Catholic hospital. He became friends with the nun who was a nurse there. One day, she came into his room and saw that the crucifix on the wall was missing. She asked him good-naturedly, "Rabbi, what have you done with the crucifix?"
"Oh,"
he chuckled, "I just figured one suffering Jew in this room was enough!"

At current levels, the price of Gold is like a Strapless Bra.
Half of us are wondering what’s holding it up.
And the other half are waiting for it to drop so that they can grab the Opportunity with Both Hands!

Good, Bad, Worst News Para Sa Misis:
GOOD: Palaging nasa kwarto ang anak mong lalaki para magaral.
BAD: Nakakita ka ng TIKTIK magazine sa ilalim ng kama niya.
WORST: Ikaw ang cover!

Continue reading “Tuesday Humor 04.30.13”

Posted in Daily Humor

Monday Humor 04.29.13

pepsi

MOSES: "How are we going to get across the sea? The Egyptians are close behind us."
ARMY GENERAL: "Normally, I’d recommend we build a bridge to get us across, but there’s no time."
NAVY ADMIRAL: "Normally, I’d recommend that we build barges to carry us across but time is too short."
PUBLIC RELATIONS MAN: "I don’t have a solution but I can promise you this: If you can find a way out of here, I’ll get you two to three pages in the Old Testament!"

TRIVIA:
Only 15% of men shaved their privates.
Beware of the jungle down there, ladies!
Ingat, baka masundot mga mata niyo!

Little Johnny’s new baby brother was screaming up a storm.
Johnny asked his mom, "Where’d he come from?"
"He came from heaven, Johnny."
"Wow! I can see why they threw him out!"

 

Continue reading “Monday Humor 04.29.13”

Posted in Daily Humor

Sunday Humor 04.28.13

men women

HOW TO KILL A MAN?
Give him a mobile phone with the mobile numbers of all beautiful ladies.
Then lock him in a place with "No Network Coverage."
HOW TO KILL A WOMAN?
Give her a beautiful dress, nice jewelries, costly cosmetics.
Then, lock her in a room without a MIRROR.

NANAY:"Anong sabi ng pusa?"
ANAK:"Meow!"
NANAY:"Very good! Anong sabi ng baboy?"
ANAK:"Oink!"
NANAY:"Very good! Anong sabi ng unggoy?"
ANAK:"Very good!"

Sobrang lakas ng ulan at hangin, hindi magkarinigan ang magkakaibigan.

MARIA: "Ang lakas ng hangin!"
PEDRO: "Hindi, Sabado ngayon!"
JUAN: "Ako din!"

LOLA:"Bukas ay 50 yrs na tayong mag-asawa. Bakit di tau magkatay ng manok?"
LOLO: “Bakit natin kakatayin ang manok, e di  naman nya kasalanan yon?"

Continue reading “Sunday Humor 04.28.13”

Posted in Daily Humor

Saturday Humor 04.27.13

tail

 

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TABLOID HEADLINE:
Bagong Tuli Nagyabang,
Lumaki Ang Ulo!  Namaga! 

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Sa isang grade 6 class..
TEACHER: “Class, our word today is “adolescent,” meron ba nakakaalam ng meaning nito?”
(quiet lahat at walang sumagot)
TEACHER: “Ok bibigyan ko kayo ng clue… ganito kayong lahat pero ako hindi na.”
NENE: “Ma’am, alam ko na!”
TEACHER: “Ok nene kumpletuhin… kayo ay blank pero ako ay hindi na blank.”
NENE: “Virgin!”

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Pagkakaiba ng jeep at babae:
Ang jeep pag maraming sumakay, sumisikip.
Ang babae pag maraming sumasakay, lumuluwang.

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Continue reading “Saturday Humor 04.27.13”

Posted in DIY Project, Sewing Craft

Sew Happy 10: (DIY: Kitchen Linens)

Dati bumibili pa ako ng commercial kitchen towels para gamitin pamunas ng kamay, ng mga pinggan at para sa kung anik-anik pa. Hindi naman mamahalin ‘tong ang mga binibili ko pero lumalaki na kasi ang pamilya ko ngayon. Eh kelangan magtipid-tipid na naman si Mamaru.

kitchen towels Nadagdagan ang mga pinapakain at inaalagaan ko mula noong pinanganak ni Sang ang pitong tuta na ngayon ay lumalaking makukulit na. At hindi birong gastos yun ha! Kaya naman diska-diskarte muna sa pag-manage ng gastusin ngayon.

Isa ‘to  sa naiisip kong paraan para mas makatipid. Nag DIY kitchen linens na lang akey.

kitchen linens-004

Go ako last week sa Julie’s Bakeshop at bumili ako ng mga empty flour sacks.

They sell 1 dozen of empty flour sacks for P75.00 only.flour sackAng ginawa ko, binabad ko ang mga sako sa tubig na may sabon at chlorine overnight. Kinabukasan, nilabhan, binanlawan ko ng maigi, sinampay at pinatuyo.

‘Tas tinastas ko ang mga tahi. Ginupit-gupit at pinalantsa.

kitchen linens Pinaghiwalay ang side ng sako na may imprinta . . .

12 pieces hand towels . . . sa wala.

24 pieces dish towels

Sa isang dosenang sako ng arina, nakagawa ako ng 24 pieces of plain dish towels at 12 pieces of printed hand towels. Lahat-lahat sa halagang sibinti payb petot! Bungga!

Yung ibang dish towels inartehan ko simpleng disenyo lang naman sa pamamagitan ng pinakamamahal kong kulay pink na Brother sewing machine.

kitchen linens-003

Sa dami ng nagawa ko….malamang after 48 years pa ulit ako bibili ng mga pamunas sa kusina.

 

 

oOo

“Buti pa sila maganda ang lovelife, ako maganda lang.”

Posted in Daily Humor

Wednesday Humor 04.24.13

Tomboy at lalake nagkita.
LALAKE: "Hi, ganda mo naman. Pwedeng makipagkilala?"
TIBO: "{Hindi ako interesado sa lalake!"
LALAKE: "Ako din eh!"
TIBO: "Babae ang gusto ko."
LALAKE: "Akalain mo yun, pareho tayo. Tadhana nga naman."
MORAL: Kung may gusto ka sa isang tao, wag kang susuko. Malay mo kayo pala ang karapat dapat sa isa’t isa. Sayang din yun, lalo na kung malaki ang dede.

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lol

Husband to hìs wife:
"You don’t look anything like the long haired, skinny girl I married 25 years ago. I need a DNA sample to make sure it’s still you."

Condom Slogans:
1. You can’t go wrong, if you shield your ding dong!
2. She won’t get sick if you wrap your dick.
3. If you go into heat, cover your meat.
4. Don’t be a fool, vulcanize your tool.
5. Wrap it in foil before checking her oil.
6. Cover your stump before you pump.
7. Don’t be silly, protect your lulli.

Si Manoy ay nawalan ng interes sa sex kaya naparoon siya sa isang sex therapist para humingi ng tulong.
THERAPIST: "Simple lang yang problem mo. Para manumbalik ang sigla sa sex, hawakan mo ang hiwa ni misis, tapos himas himasin at amuyin mo ang daliri mo hanggang maginit ka ng husto."
MANOY: "Salamat at gagawin ko po."
Kinagabihan, ginapang ni Manoy ang natutulog na asawa at linagay ang kamay sa pagitan ng hita ni misis. Hinimas himas ang hiwa at sabay na inilapit sa ilong at inamoy. Nakaramdam ng init si manoy at ginising ang misis.
MANOY: "Darling, may ibabalita ako."
MISIS: "Hayop ka, ginising mo ko para sabihin sakin dumugo ang ilong mo?!"

Continue reading “Wednesday Humor 04.24.13”

Posted in Daily Humor

Tuesday Humor 04.23.13

how to pick up chicks

Ang MANOK,
kapag Putak ng Putak,
MANGINGITLOG!
Ang MISIS,
kapag Putak ng Putak,
INAGAWAN NG ITLOG!

Dear Ate Charo
Marami nang kamay ang nakahawak sa aking katawan,marami nang iba’t ibang laway ang aking natikman, maraming bibig na rin ang sumubo sa ‘kin..pero hindi yan nangangahulugan na nawala na ang aking dangal.
Nagmamahal,
KUTSARA

BOY: "Miss, pwede ba manligaw?"
GIRL: "Sure."
BOY: "Sagutin mo na lang ako tutal dun din naman papunta diba? Wag na nating patagalin to!"
GIRL: "Ok sige."
BOY: "Woohooo… i love you."
GIRL: "Sorry break na tayo."
BOY: "Bakit?"
GIRL: "Tutal dun din naman papunta diba kaya wag na nating patagalin pa."
BOY: "Ops ops… hindi pa pwede."
Girl: "Bakit?"
Boy: "Sex muna papunta ‘to bago break eh."
LESSON: Lahat ng suliranin ay nagagawan ng paraan kaya wag kang susuko.

Continue reading “Tuesday Humor 04.23.13”